The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Paulski on July 26, 2017, 02:28:23 AM
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Old school country waltz.
Any advice or comments would be welcome and thank you for listening ;D
https://soundcloud.com/paulcanuck/when-this-bottle-lets-go-of-my-hand
When this Bottle lets go of my Hand
Copyright © 2017 Tennyson Road Music
The bar is near empty
The party-ers gone
The band's getting ready
To tear their gear down
And I see that you've text'd me
Wondering when I'll be home
Well, I'll be there just as soon as I can
When this bottle lets go of my hand
For years you stood by me
When you shouldn't have cared
For years you revived me
From slumped in my chair
But a drink is a mistress
And she don't like to share
So I'll be home just as soon as I can
When this bottle lets go of my hand
{br}
I feel your love streaming down through this phone
But my life's spinning out of control
It's my hand, not my heart that she holds
And she's cold...
Oh, so cold...
The bartender comes over
And tells me to leave
I hope he won't notice
What I've stowed in my sleeve
Cause she'll hold me again
When we're out in the street..
But I'll be with you as soon as I can
When this bottle lets go of my hand
I promise I'll be home.. .. just as soon as I can
When this bottle lets go of my hand
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Yo Paulski.
This. Is. Lovely. :)
Quality from the get go. Beautiful tone on the py-annie,sympathetically and tastefully sung,played and executed.
Great lyrics too,emotive,yet avoiding the parmesan trap. Cleverly done.
Ta for the chance to listen Paul. 8)
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Hey Paulski. If it wasn't for you, Brett Detar, and Jason Isbell i would never ever listen to any country music ever, so... I really like it - possibly because you sound so at home and do it so well. I am sure that I would have tried to make one long line out of the pre-chorus bit ("well, I'll be there...") but you keep us hanging on for the resolution which is just something I don't really have in my vocabulary.
One idea that struck me was that maybe "don't like to share" should be the last line, to underline the cycle he can't break out of, and I think switching the second and third verses could work really well, also given the theme of the break section. A bit late to the party I know, but when you go on your world tour perhaps you could experiment with that...
Cool stuff (waltzes are usually cool and this is even cooler)...
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Lovely song Paul. I just love that piano. I think the Bvs are excellent as well. Reminded me of some Neil Young stuff, Harvest Moon comes to mind. It's just the right length as well Imo. Great melody, some lovely chord changes and fills. Absolutely flipping excellent :)
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This is perfectly crafted Paulski.
Neither over-played nor under-played - it is just right in terms of number of instruments etc. Each verse continues the theme but adds its own humorous touch. The chord progressions in the outro are just excellent too, and round the whole thing off beautifully. And as ever, note-perfect and characterful singing from you.
Top stuff.
PS Still looking forward to hearing "Drink from the Toilet" when it hits this board.
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Cheers for the comments guys - thanks for taking the time ;D
@Skub - thanks Davey - glad I didn't cross the cheese threshold for U (I thought I had ;D)
@adamfarr - cheers Adam - yeah I know what you mean about country - I don't listen to "new" country much myself - just sounds like "wanna-be rock" :( That verse switch is an interesting idea and I promise to try it when I take that world tour...
@pompeyjazz - thanks John esp the comment about the ivory tickling ;D And I do like 'em short - especially when it's a ballad. I find 3/4 really allows brevity to happen. I have no idea why ;D
@PaulyX - thanks Pauly. The chord progs are pretty old-school but glad they worked for you. Work on Drink from the Toilet is a bit constipated ATM but eventually I hope things will flow... ;D
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Excellent. But I knew it would be when I saw the title and the writer! Was only yesterday listening to Merle Haggard singing Swinging Doors, and this has the same feel and message.
No criticism, just to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Brilliant piano, by the way
Derek
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Hey Paul
Excellent Song ;D ;D I think this country ballad style suits you
very well. Very relaxed, and tight ;D Love those smooth deep
notes you get. Lovely accompaniment and production. Always
great to hear a master craftsman at work ;D ;D
Love your work Paul.....excellent song ;D
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Love those country piano trills!
Bet you're sick of 'does what it says on the can' reviews but you nail your chosen genre/styles so well that it's inevitable.
Big tradition of country, drinkin' tearjerkers....what better to cry into than your beer....'What Made Milwaukee Famous (has made a loser out of me)' is one of my faves....just for the title alone!
Well here we've got another, deftly done, nicely played.
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Paulski,
Clever title/lyric/theme.
Enjoyed the tasty and proficient piano licks in this.
Clear imagery and storytelling as usual from you.
Liked the harmonic shake up at the end.
This is undoubtedly country but with definite Paulski stamp on it.
Good stuff.
Yodasdad
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Paulski,
This is a hit, just great. I hear country songs on the radio selling millions that can't hold a candle to this, love it. When it comes to country, i usually like the outlaw kind, the kind that crawls out of the ditch, and though this occupies the middle of the road, it's still a winner for me. Thanks for letting me hear it.
Vintage54
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Hi Paul
Enjoyed this song as I like Country music I like the theme the arrangement, and the performance was outstanding a very good write.
Royston
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you should be writing for Broadway plays mate..certainly got the talent..
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One of the thing i love about your songs is that they brings back great memories, not sad ones great ones, this one would be the highlight of any singalong night, in any bar in the world and as Kevin rightly said "you should be writing for Broadway plays"
Paul (Pie Annie) ;D Magic Man 8)
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Paul,
Love the lyrics as ever to a neat tune. I hope they're not autobiographical - no need to answer that.
Great middle eight and chord changes at the end as well.
Well song and lovely tinkling too.
Cheers
:)
Neil
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What they all said! Really good stuff. Fantastic lyrics, masterfully presented.
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Hi Paul,
Great title, great song, great performance and lovely production. So classy throughout. I liked some of the unexpected chord changes. Reminded me of classic George Jones. There isn't anything I can suggest to improve it - it's all there already. So good to hear you're still writing and recording to this standard.
M
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Time to show some appreciation of you kind folks ;D
@delb0y - thanks Derek - that song is a gold standard - so I'm humbled to be used in the same sentence! ;D
@Binladeda - cheers bin - esp appreciate the comment on the low vocals ;D
@Viscount - ha I never get sick of a "says on the can" comment. glad it suits the genre - whatever that is.. ;D thanks for listening and commenting.
@Yodasdad - appreciate the kind words - piano and all ;D Thank you
@Vintage54 - cheers my man Vintage - maybe next time I'll go outlaw, maybe not ;D Glad you heard something worthwhile here. ;D
@Royston - thanks Royston - and thanks for the comment on SC too ;D
@shadowfax - cheers Kevin - give my regards to broadway ;D
@Oldbutyet Thanks Pat - yeah old-school country brings back memories for me too. Glad you liked this. ;D
@Neil C - cheers Neil - nope not autobiographical thankfully - thanks for the comments on SC too.
@Cazrolina - thank you - you are too kind!
@montydog - hey Alan welcome back ;D Now George Jones - there was a country singer IMHO. Thanks for that comparison - gone straight to me head. ;D ;D
Thanks again everyone - hope I didn't miss you ;D
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Good stuff. Aye, she's a cold mistress, I hope the song isn't autobiographical.
I like a walz, the voice sounds very country though.
Thanks for posting.
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Hi Paul, I'd like to say that this is up to your usual standards of writing, playing , singing and production, but I can't. I think this is exceptional, it's one of the very best pieces I've heard on this site. Very melodic, the lyrics are spot on and the playing and singing are great. Well done!
Cheers
Jamie
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Excellent stuff again from you Paul!
I love how you take on characters so well. You bring songs to life in your delivery. The music and lyrics are always on point. Whenever I see a post in the lyrics board from you I'm always thinking 'This will be interesting...' and you never disappoint! Cleverly written and performed.
*double thumbs up*
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I'm sorry Paulski but I have nothing whatsoever to offer in terms of constructive criticism, all I can do is bow my head in respect and state that this is quality in every aspect and detail.
Heck, I don't even have the slightest nit on the production! ;D
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@Rightly - cheers - yeah a cold mistress indeed. Not autobiographical !
@Jamie - oh you set me up - thought you were gonna say.. thankfully you didn't! Appreciate the kind words esp coming from a man with your chops.
@Darren1664 - thanks Darren - glad you thought I didn't let the lyric down - always a challenge as you probably know.
@Jambrains - wow - JB another review like that and I'm going to get a big head. It already barely gets into a 7 3/4 hat Thank you kind sir!
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Hi Paul,
This is you in a bottle - "Paulski's Magic Brew #1"
Great backing vocals.
Always a quality listen - the only country star I listen to!
Digger