The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: David Christy Jones on July 25, 2017, 12:49:54 AM
-
Hey everyone! First time poster here.
I've been writing songs for about a year now, I'm 23 years old and I live in Ireland.
I got inspired to write after becoming a big Frank Zappa fan, though my work isn't at all like Franks.
I have a huge love of Americana, the likes of Tim O'Brien, Darrell Scott, Bela Fleck etc.
I think that would be my biggest influence.
I wrote this song in the wake of a very hard breakup, but more specifically, reuniting after spending years apart. The song had great meaning to me. It's played in Open D tuning on a resonater. The percussion is played entirely with traditional African instruments.
I record everything myself from my home studio, and I have particular difficulty with vocal harmonies. I chose to upload this song to get peoples feedback on a part of songwriting I find particularly challening and wish to better myself on.
Any comments and feedback greatly appreciated!
I look forward to sifting through all your guys work too!
Peace out, and keep creating! :D
David Christy
https://soundcloud.com/user-534764711/the-boy-that-never-sleeps (https://soundcloud.com/user-534764711/the-boy-that-never-sleeps)
*Lyrics*
Come back home to this fools gold;
To the boy who never sleeps.
Bring your shoes and we'll take these blues
and we'll walk them home with you.
And we'll walk them home with you.
So if you've got the time,
Take my hand and fly.
Stay with me;
You help me sleep;
So I can smile every morning.
Give me time, and in a while you'll see
A new day is dawning.
So if you find the time for me.....
(C) David Christy Jones.
-
Very nice track, even though it is just acoustic and vocals it keeps the interest going all the way, you have a good voice too and I thought the harmonies were fine, enjoyed it very much, well done
Mikey
-
Dude,
Nice resonator vocal combo, Vocal sounded fine to me, you have a nice tone there.
The song has a nice chilled vibe, You did well to keep the interest going with so few instruments.
Great work.
Andy
-
Yo D.
We share the same first name,so you gotta be a straight up dude. ;)
I'm from the same oul sod as yersel and as such I am not adverse to a good song well sung. Ya did both.
There's a bit of the David McWilliams (Days of Pearly Spencer) a Ballycastle man in you song.
I hope you participate in the forum and just don't fly by,there are a right few folk here who will love your music and input.
-
Hey David, welcome to the forum.
Very mellow & characterful song to introduce yourself with. I like its unhurried, confident feeling, plus the reverb on the guitars (sounds a little far back from the mike, a bit like you are busking in a subway but that fitted the vibe of the song I thought). Vocals are very strong too, sounds like you have a fine baritone at your disposal, and I dig your lyrics - they are a little ambiguous and open to interpretation with no cliche or clunky forced rhymes = sharp writing.
Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff. Pauly
-
Hi David. Welcome to the forum. Liked the feel and style of this. Your vocal really reminded me of Ian McCulloch from Echo and the Bunny men. Well put together and thought out. You've got some nice light and shade going on there as well. Excellent first submission
-
What a fab listen. Just gone back for another. It evoked such a lovely, happy, days-in-the-sun kind of feeling. Cool and relaxed yet wonderfully playful, somehow. Really, really nice work. :D
-
Hi David
Very nice song - I like the simplicity of it and how the guitar work echos the melody lines. Oh, and any fan of Zappa's is a fan of mine huh ???
Welcome aforum - Hope you follow through and review others' work - there's some fine writers/performers here ;D ;D
Paul
-
Hey everyone! Thanks for all the terrific comments, really appreciate it! :D
I hope to post a lot more here, It's a great forum and I'm glad to have found it!
As I said before, I look forward to hearing all your stuff too! :D
Thank you! :D
-
Very majestic and simplistic melody. The best kind of combination . Great job man ;)
-
Hi!
What wonders that can be made with just a bit of multi track recording.
Good harmonies can be hard to make and sing. When you sing yours you sound a bit out of breath.
To me it has aesthetic qualities giving it a contrast to your powerful voice.
Anyway great song!
Martin
-
Some nice lyrics. Nice acoutic feel. I can hear a real 60's american folk influence
-
Nice voice David...you lucky man! Great to be able to knock out stuff like this which relies so heavily on the vocal to carry it.
Really like this. Like the guitar and you sing it so well too. Lot of feeling. No, maybe the vocal harmonies aren't perfect but they're not bad either. One of the hardest things to get right in a mix I think...but I can't help you there!
I'm having difficulty at the moment articulating what I like about this song but I do and I'm glad you've decided to join the forum. Look forward to hearing more.
You might not be aware but there's a monthly song competition here. It would be nice if you could take a listen to the nominated songs and make a vote. I'm hosting this month so you'll have to pick according to my choices but it would be a good introduction to some of the songs on here.
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=13576.0 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=13576.0)
-
Chilled enchanting acoustic song - intro possibly a little long - nice backing vocals and general feel.
Country/folk feel with a late 60's 'Bread' vibe.
-
Chilled enchanting acoustic song - intro possibly a little long - nice backing vocals and general feel.
Country/folk feel with a late 60's 'Bread' vibe.
I'm agreement that intro could do with a trim.
-
Hi and welcome,
Nice track, resonator sounds great and you've a good melody there.
I like your voice, you seem to have a few tones in there, a more powerful in the lower register and then a higher one which sounds more reserved. And if I'm being picky I'd encourage you to be more confident on those too. The long backing harmonies work really well.
Going to have another listen.
:)
Neil
-
Intro sets a great mood and the rest delivers. Very good vocals and arrangement add dynamics so interest is kept throughout. My only complaint would be the ambience (esp on the guitar). Is is a two-edged sword, on one hand it words great to create the mood but on the other hand it almost "takes over" the whole song if that made any sense? Anyway, just my personal prefs of course, well done and welcome here.
-
I don't know much about this genre but I liked what I heard.
Nice strong vocal too.
I look forward to hearing more from you.
Yodasdad