The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Skub on June 24, 2017, 12:05:43 AM
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Hello good people. :)
I didn't know whether to post this up or just be content to own it as one of my musical ramblings,but hey..what the hell. :D
It's a song inspired by on old photograph and the possible tragedy speaking to us all.
Maybe.
I've kind of pushed my creative boundaries on this one,though the casual observer may say it's just a variation of the same old schitt. :D
What you think is important,or at least interesting.
Through the spiderweb of wrinkles
To the wispy white hair
My watering eye
Sees the man you once were
Haunted by ghosts
Of a future yet to come
You saw it in the shadow
Of things they've done
You mourn for the children
That you never knew
Time rang out the changes
Took them away from you
When it all was over
Those days left behind
An eye for an eye
Left everyone blind
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955/an-eye-for-an-eye/s-pnyoq
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Very nice mate! I love me a bit of whistling in a song ;D lots of interesting things going on musically with some nice harmonies supporting the lead vocal. I loved the outro aswell man. U crammed a lot into 3.15! Wish I could do that!! ::) Nice work man ;D
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Nice one skub!
Lovely guitar work and interesting arrangement - no predictability here.
Like the lyrics too - just cryptic enough :)
It's a creative work with loads to like.
Good work!
Paul
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Hi Skub,
this is great, reminded me of those enormous ballads from the 1950s, big, brash and brilliant. The ending is my favourite part.
Keith
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hi Skub
I love these melodic songs; the rhythm guitar and instrumental in general are great. How the song takes a break and then it comes back in; really god.
I just think, that the vocals (especially 1st verse) could be sung with more confidence and then brought up a little in the mix.
cheers
B
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Fine piece of work. The overall vibe, the picture on soundcloud, the whistling, all put me in a western mood which is a top mood to be in. Not sure that was the intention but it works for me.
Love the production and playing and picking, all super. But it's a fine song without any of that. Love that outro!
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Hey Skub, really nice work. It sounded familiar enough to me to be immediately accessible, yet also held quite a few surprises for its 3-and-a-quarter minutes. Dig the way you don't repeat yourself too much in the structure and it keeps evolving. Great layered vocals in the outro especially and I agree with Delb0y that it has a cowboy feel. Thumbs up, pard'ner.
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I like this one Davy, very different and inventive. I think the harmonies are absolutely superb and the guitar work is up to your usual high standard. It's great that you're pushing the boundaries and brilliant to see you getting to grips with the DAW stuff. Well worth it. Excellent :)
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LostBoy
If I had half the pipes you have Leo,it would all come easy. Ta for listening man. :)
Paulski
Cheers Paul. :)
diademgrove
The 50s? My era Keith! :D
TheButcher
More confidence on the vox? That's me giving it everything,man! :D
delb0y
Thanks Derek,much appreciated. :)
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PaulyX
Ta Paul,there were quite a few firsts for me during the recording process. Glad you enjoyed it. :)
pompeyjazz
Thanks John,the DAW thing is an ever time hungry resource,the more you learn the less you know,it seems! :D
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Hello good people. :)
I didn't know whether to post this up or just be content to own it as one of my musical ramblings,but hey..what the hell. :D
It's a song inspired by on old photograph and the possible tragedy speaking to us all.
Maybe.
I've kind of pushed my creative boundaries on this one,though the casual observer may say it's just a variation of the same old schitt. :D
What you think is important,or at least interesting.
Through the spiderweb of wrinkles
To the wispy white hair
My watering eye
Sees the man you once were
Haunted by ghosts
Of a future yet to come
You saw it in the shadow
Of things they've done
You mourn for the children
That you never knew
Time rang out the changes
Took them away from you
When it all was over
Those days left behind
An eye for an eye
Left everyone blind
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955/an-eye-for-an-eye/s-pnyoq
Love the hiiiii oooooh when that comes in! This song has such a cool vibe. I could hear it in a western movie or in a trailer or something.
LOVE the change up at around 1:26.
YES the guitar solo.
what are you gonna learn? ...LOVE this part. reminds me of The Killers "All These Things That I've Done"
and the music goes out....love it.
Only thing is I hear a few clicks here and there, particularly in that last bit. And I thought it could have ended right at 2:57 at the "da da da da da"
super cool song and very creative!!
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Thanks Micky,you have excellent ears to pick out the clicks. I had to go looking and isolate certain tracks to find out what you meant and yeah,they were all over the song,clumsy editing work on my part.
Genuine thanks for pointing that out,that's how we all learn,though I think my ears have had too many birthdays and decades of abuse to cover all the bases! :D
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Hi Skub, the harmonies are fab! Love the arrangement and instrumentation and I too got a feel of a Wild West vibe! Lovely guitar solo with a great tone and feel to it. I can still hear echoes of the great jack Bruce in your vocals.
Great stuff, might be my fav of yours!
Cheers
Jamie
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Yeah...i got a bit of a cowboy feel from this too...
really interesting piece...seems to draw on a huge variety of influences and sounded really fresh and unique. the layered vocals are great and must have took quite a bit of doing...worked really well, though!
fascinating...great guitar work too!
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Hi
Really like the vocal delivery on this - adds an whole new layer of mood to the track.
Lots of nice variations in the music - amazingly crammed into little over 3 mins.
The whole piece flows naturally on its winding journey.
Great playing and production.
Digger
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Hey man !
Really like the harmonies, and it seems to me you gained confidence in your singing. :D
+1 for the ending
+1 for the fade out
+1 for the singing
+1 for the message repetition (strongest rethoric)
You really surprised me with this one.
Nono.
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Jamie
Jack Bruce eh? Makes a change from the big O anyway. :D Ta Jamie.
PaulAds
Thanks for listening Paul,I feel I went a bit different on this effort. :)
digger72
I appreciate your thoughts digger,ta for listening. :)
retrononomusic
I hope it was a pleasant surprise nono. :D Cheers for the encouragement on the vocals.
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Can't get over that mixture of Cream and Big O in your vocal....Cream might be more in the bvs....I like it though even if you're not too confident with it.
Interesting one this. It's got a lot of appeal and I especially like the bit at the end...the 'what're you gonna learn' bit.
I wonder if there's a bit too much effect on the lead vocal...is it some sort of phaser or something...I struggled a bit with the vocal entry to the song...I guess you get used to it after a bit...it blurred things a bit for me at first.
All in all I really liked this Davy...if this is pushing the creative boundaries...go for it!
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Hi Skub, nice track,on first listen I thought the vocal had a Roy Orbison sound to it. Nice harmonies and guitar solo, the only thing was towards the end it sounded like something was clipping, but a good track nevertheless
Mikey
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What can I say...?? This is wonderful. ;D I'd love to have a copy I could listen to regularly. I'll have to see if I can figure out a way to bookmark it on my phone.
<<sigh>>
I love it.
Vicki
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VC
I'm always guilty of vocal effect man! :D Regarding the start,I wanted to get right in there with no intro,but I realise that can be...er...off putting,but what the hell,there are plenty of intros out there. :) Ta for the listen VC.
Mikey
I think probably that was my voice breaking up. :D
CaliaMoko
Ta Vicki,enjoy. :)
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Skub,
This was refreshing. Not a style I can claim to be familiar with but it didn't seem to be a rehash of any Schitt to me.
Lots of melodic variation and combined with the great harmonies it was very engaging. Nice guitar work as usual too.
There was a lot too this so I'm going to have to go back and listen again later to really take it in I think.
I can hear this on a film soundtrack, not sure what sort of film, maybe a Tarantino, but it's got that feel to me.
Nice work
Yodasdad
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Hey!
What can i say, like it all, the tempo, the vocal, the delivery the guitar, everything. Great write great performance, just a great song my friend. Wish i'd have come up with it.
Vintage54
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Are you Roy Orbison's son? and what was all that bollocks about you not knowing how to use a DAW?
you've been avinusoninntya!!!!
super song with some fab bits throughout...nice close harmonies..great stuff!!
best, Kevin :) :)
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Hey Davy
Great understanding flow you have with this song, i think the Native American Indian Drum coming in on the background at certain parts especially at the end would be the icing on the cake as they says.
But Cool as is 8)
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Skub,
Kind of took me by surprise and a while to work my way into it, but liked the the Roy O tendencies.
Song chorus with the BV's, catchy.
Great ending too.
:)
Neil
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Yodasdad
It haz a style? :o :D Thanks for listening,man.
Vintage54
I appreciate the comments,glad you enjoyed it. :)
shadowfax
They all told me my Da had a bicycle. ;)
I put the hours in,just so I could use the basics in Dawland. It's a rabbit hole fo sho.
It's cool you liked the choon Kev,thankya. 8)
Oldbutyet
Yeah,you are probably right Pat. One of the reasons I like to get Boydie to master a track is,it means I won't go back and fiddle. There is a time to move on,deciding when that should be is one of the many perils of home recording! Thanks for listening. :)
Neil C
A few folk have mentioned the...er..abrupt start. :D What can I say,ya gotta try stuff!
Ta for listening. :)
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If Roy Orbison lived long enough to have a 00's comeback with Rick Rubin this is what it would sound like.
I like it. Vocal could be more precise and a little more work needed on the mix.
Its bloody good fella.
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Not quite my cup of tea but some excellent song writing technique going on here with a story to keep you interested - nice flow to rhythm and flow of the song.
Had a sense of Roy Orbison in the vocals at times which can never be a bad thing :)
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Hi Davy
I love the way this comes straight in and grabs you immediately. Your vocal on this is extraordinary - Roy Orbison with a real edge to it. The guitar work is brilliant and the song is a stand out. Retro sounding but original and frankly outstanding. Loved it.
M