The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Morefrog Jones on June 17, 2017, 10:23:39 PM
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This is a Rough Demo/Cut & Paste Demo with no 2nd chorus as yet and a rough Vocal etc
https://soundcloud.com/morefrog-jones/walk-over-broken-glass-for-you-rough-demo-1/s-fFcrV
Not sure it flows well at the moment...but I think its got some potential as an Indie Rock Song.
Lyrics as they stand are
Drive me to distraction - just get a reaction
Do you really mean all those silly things that you say
You know that i feel your pain
But you've got give me something to hold on to.
So tell me what you want me to do
and I will walk on broken glass for you
Tell me what you want me to say
And i'l chase all your Troubles away.
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Hi Morefrog
i think this has a lot going for it. I really like the guitar line that opens the song and comes back in after the verse...it's really catchy and simple. The vocal is good and I really liked the whooo and oos at the end of the lines. The chorus is catchy and I really like the broken glass lyric.
If I could offer any input it would be a small adjustments lyrically...and that is to try 'talk' instead of 'chase' on the last line as I feel this would link back to the line before and still make sense.
Just a thought, ignore if it's cruddy :P
Good tune pal and keep working on it :)
Darren
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This has potential. The music is pretty good. When I read Darren's comment I didn't get it, until I went back to the lyrics, and it actually makes a lot of sense, it would work pretty well.
I think it would be cool for something like this to have verses with tiny stories, all separate but with a common thread, you know?