The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: exfairy on June 16, 2017, 10:55:11 AM
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I uploaded this to WiP a few months ago but tried to expand, make it better... I don't know. Just general thoughts would be helpful? :)
Link: https://soundcloud.com/exfairy/that-kiss-1/s-TyzXk
Lyrics:
I see you on a Tuesday morning
You smile at me from across the room
My heart is giving me a warning
But I'm just so intrigued by you
Cos your smile brings butterflies to my heart
That beats like a ticking clock counting down the days till you'll be mine
Cos I don't think that I've ever felt like this
Wana know that it's me that you'll miss
And that kiss
Next Friday evening we're now friends
And I can't imagine this to end
Over a meal you look at me
And for the first time I feel like somebody
CH
I think I like you, do you like me too?
I hope that you'll choose me x2
CH
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I love the song movement melodically and lyrically (it goes up all along).
Beautiful voice, and good use of backing during chorus!
It really is catchy, do you plan on making a richer arrangement(besides ukulele and something else in the back), cause it is really nice, and something I find pleasant to listen to, I just personally am not a big fan of ukulele.
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Lovely song. Nice harmonies and the simplicity of it all, yet not so simple when I listen a bit deeper. Makes me feel all warm and gooey. :)
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Sweet song. Your voice harmonises well I thought.
I liked the home-made feel to it... are you drumming on a table or something for the percussion? It all feels genuine and home-spun on account of that.
Sounds like you have a strong voice - to me it sounded like you gained confidence as the song went on. The first verse sounded a little tentative / unsure of yourself but I didn't feel that by the end. Maybe re-sing the first half with the same attitude?
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Hey thanks for the feedback! Sorry it took so long to get back - deadlines and I also lost my mic cable so I couldn't record anything :(
Anyway.
Yeah I want to get a better recording but honestly I don't have that instruments... Nor can I play them... :/ Haha. And the drumming was a pringles can :P
I'm coming back to it today. Hopefully I'll have a better recording by the end of today :P
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I uploaded this to WiP a few months ago but tried to expand, make it better... I don't know. Just general thoughts would be helpful? :)
Link: https://soundcloud.com/exfairy/that-kiss-1/s-TyzXk
Lyrics:
I see you on a Tuesday morning
You smile at me from across the room
My heart is giving me a warning
But I'm just so intrigued by you
Cos your smile brings butterflies to my heart
That beats like a ticking clock counting down the days till you'll be mine
Cos I don't think that I've ever felt like this
Wana know that it's me that you'll miss
And that kiss
Next Friday evening we're now friends
And I can't imagine this to end
Over a meal you look at me
And for the first time I feel like somebody
CH
I think I like you, do you like me too?
I hope that you'll choose me x2
CH
You have a very natural quality and innocence to your voice. I also like the home-made feeling of this, and I agree the ending gets stronger and I enjoy the harmonies as well. Love that it's a pringles can!!
I think this could be really great with some fine tuning. It feels like it goes off tempo or beat at times. And, while I do like the chorus, I think the melody has so much room to grow and really grab attention with. The base is definitely there, though. Any chance you'd be able to record this in a studio? I can imagine it sounding amazing and you've got such a great, natural voice.
Do you have Logic or any program like that?
All that said, great job on this. I love where it can go!!
Micky
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I uploaded this to WiP a few months ago but tried to expand, make it better... I don't know. Just general thoughts would be helpful? :)
Link: https://soundcloud.com/exfairy/that-kiss-1/s-TyzXk
Lyrics:
I see you on a Tuesday morning
You smile at me from across the room
My heart is giving me a warning
But I'm just so intrigued by you
Cos your smile brings butterflies to my heart
That beats like a ticking clock counting down the days till you'll be mine
Cos I don't think that I've ever felt like this
Wana know that it's me that you'll miss
And that kiss
Next Friday evening we're now friends
And I can't imagine this to end
Over a meal you look at me
And for the first time I feel like somebody
CH
I think I like you, do you like me too?
I hope that you'll choose me x2
CH
You have a very natural quality and innocence to your voice. I also like the home-made feeling of this, and I agree the ending gets stronger and I enjoy the harmonies as well. Love that it's a pringles can!!
I think this could be really great with some fine tuning. It feels like it goes off tempo or beat at times. And, while I do like the chorus, I think the melody has so much room to grow and really grab attention with. The base is definitely there, though. Any chance you'd be able to record this in a studio? I can imagine it sounding amazing and you've got such a great, natural voice.
Do you have Logic or any program like that?
All that said, great job on this. I love where it can go!!
Micky
Thanks :) I wish I could record in a proper studio. I've got a make-do one with a mic and cubase on my laptop but that's about it... I've been learning a lot more about tech though this year (did a Pro Tools module at uni) but struggling without a midi keyboard... :P
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New version of the song. I've added more guitar and mandolin and changed the harmonies. Not perfect and I need to figure out how to convert clips to mono for the last mando part but yeah... A short day's work :)
Link: https://soundcloud.com/exfairy/that-kiss-2/s-3vozq
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Lovely song Exfairy. I love your harmonies and the wonderful melody. It smacks of innocence and yearning. Lovely elements to get into a song and something that's impossible for me
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Im thinking of using that word Brilliant here, is that a ukulele you're playing.
Nice style i come back, whats next 8)
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Hello there,
Lovely chorus! Nice harmonies. (They do need tightening up a little in places,but that's just a practice thing.) I love the guitar & the subtle beat.
So yeah, I have no idea what your set up is, but if u could get compression on your vocals,then that would be excellent. It just means that we won't have to strain to hear some words. Basically it just turns your awesome vocal into SUPER AWESOME VOCAL!! ;D
Lovely stuff though. :)
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Im thinking of using that word Brilliant here, is that a ukulele you're playing.
Nice style i come back, whats next 8)
Thanks :) And yup, ukulele throughout!
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Hello there,
Lovely chorus! Nice harmonies. (They do need tightening up a little in places,but that's just a practice thing.) I love the guitar & the subtle beat.
So yeah, I have no idea what your set up is, but if u could get compression on your vocals,then that would be excellent. It just means that we won't have to strain to hear some words. Basically it just turns your awesome vocal into SUPER AWESOME VOCAL!! ;D
Lovely stuff though. :)
Thank you :) If I knew what compression was and how to work it, I might eventually do that one day... Haha :P
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3rd version? https://soundcloud.com/exfairy/that-kiss-3/s-yxjG5
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What im hearing is you trying to make your vocal recording perfect, stop.
Dont lose (and forgive me for using this word) cuteness in the way you sing your lyrics, its your style and its a winner, also you play the ukulele really well, if i was a recording producer and im not but if i was i would go with the recording that suits your style 8)
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What im hearing is you trying to make your vocal recording perfect, stop.
Dont lose (and forgive me for using this word) cuteness in the way you sing your lyrics, its your style and its a winner, also you play the ukulele really well, if i was a recording producer and im not but if i was i would go with the recording that suits your style 8)
Which recording would you say captures the "cuteness"? I didn't realise it gives off that sound tbh so I can't really tell? I'm honestly just trying to sing it in tune :P
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Yo exfairy.
I'm on record as being a big non fan of ukes,but even I have to admit in the context of this song and your vocals,it works very well.
It has a folky/quirky charm and the song itself is strong.
Didn't like the pringles drum,perhaps a shaker here and there would be a good substitute?
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What im hearing is you trying to make your vocal recording perfect, stop.
Dont lose (and forgive me for using this word) cuteness in the way you sing your lyrics, its your style and its a winner, also you play the ukulele really well, if i was a recording producer and im not but if i was i would go with the recording that suits your style 8)
Which recording would you say captures the "cuteness"? I didn't realise it gives off that sound tbh so I can't really tell? I'm honestly just trying to sing it in tune :P
Thanks for asking your question and again apology for using the word "cuteness" but the way i hear things is whatever is right for the song is right for the song and the way you sing this is perfect for your song.
The recording i heard yesterday is the only other recording i heard and as far as i know its the first recording i heard from you, you got style theres no doubt about that but my advice is dont try to impress just sing your song.
Check out some recording producers and send them this song and see what they say, but remember, if they want money from you, walk away.
Welcome to the journey 8)
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Hi Exfairy,
Loving this song and others you have done. The style is super current.
As others have said, dont try and change it and make it too polished, sounds lovely as it is,
With a bit of production your songs will sound really nice,
I have sent you a PM regarding some help with production.
Cheers
Andy
Cawproductions.
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Hi, I'm not a big fan of the uke but nevertheless you have a current sound that works well. Simple but effective song. A bit of a bigger production would help so along as it didn't lose its simplicity.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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Jamie,
Totally agree, over producing will lose the original feel, It has a Youtuber feel but with a bit of polish it can sound less bedroomy, Bang on at the moment, all over the TV on adverts, etc.
My Daughter plays the Uke and I really love it but agree its a marmite thing.
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Another real fun song to listen to. Love the energy...... 8)
-T
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New version. Currently at home so I can't use the uni mac lab or pro tools but I'm quite happy with this. Thoughts? :)
Link: https://soundcloud.com/exfairy/that-kiss-5/s-G5Sup
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New version. Currently at home so I can't use the uni mac lab or pro tools but I'm quite happy with this. Thoughts? :)
Link: https://soundcloud.com/exfairy/that-kiss-5/s-G5Sup
Even more beautiful now, everything flows just right everything fits in perfectly and your vocals are really an absolute pleasure to listen too, i tip my hat to you young lady 8)
Sorry but have to ask, whats the story with Cawproductions 8)
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The melody with the ukulele set this mood, it's pretty nice. Good job. :)