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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Morefrog Jones on June 15, 2017, 07:08:55 PM

Title: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Morefrog Jones on June 15, 2017, 07:08:55 PM
So this is my summer competition entry -
I was hoping for for a fun/up to date/catchy indie summer dance tune.

Can't Seem to get the mix right on the vocals -
But I'm Loving the song myself - really enjoyed doing this one.
Think it needs a producer ;)

https://soundcloud.com/morefrog-jones/shake-your-booty-like-j-lo

Lyrics

The Sun Is Shining
Looks Like Summertime is Here At Last
The Heat Is Rising
Looks Like The Winter Blues Are In The Past
You Caught Me Peeping
While We Were Down at The Beach Today.
And Now Its Evening
How Strange Our Paths Have Crossed Again.

So lets See what You've Got On The Dance Floor
I Want To See You Shake Your Booty Like J-LO
So lets See what You've Got On The Dance Floor
I Want To See You Shake Your Booty Like J-LO

Summer Passions
Ive Seen The Way You've Been Checking Me Out
Its Time For Action
This Is No Time To Have Some Doubts
No Words Are Needed
No Time For Witty Repartee
Looks Like Were On Here
But I Have One Last Enquiry.

So lets See what You've Got On The Dance Floor
I Want To See You Shake Your Booty Like J-LO
So lets See what You've Got On The Dance Floor
I Want To See You Shake Your Booty Like J-LO

I Move In Closer
Looks Like Nothing Gonna Stop Us Now.
I Touch Your Shoulder
You Are The Hottest Girl Around
The Beat Is Pumping
Can I Make This Last Appeal
The Base Is Thumping
Time For Us To Seal The Deal.

So lets See what You've Got On The Dance Floor
I Want To See You Shake Your Booty Like J-LO
So lets See what You've Got On The Dance Floor
I Want To See You Shake Your Booty Like J-LO X 2

Thanks For Listening
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: TimCurtis on June 16, 2017, 03:41:01 PM
Doing this at work, so luckily no one was around when I clicked on the link and JLo's arse took over my screen!!! :D

Nice bit of classic indie-house - can hear a bit of the Primals and Jagwa Ma in there.  A nice pumping track, so I think you hit your remit pretty damn accurately.  Excellent, I reckon, but then I do like this sort of thing.... ;)
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Skub on June 16, 2017, 11:54:33 PM
Yo MFJ

This wouldn't be out of place if played by the DJ at a wedding bash. It sure stomps along.

My only quibble would be perhaps it's a bit long,but I'm into short songs at the moment,so maybe it's just me.

Consider my booty well shaken.  8)
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: TheButcher on June 17, 2017, 06:25:23 AM
Hi;

The song itself is very entertaining; made me smile (which is kinda cool in these dark days)

"shake your booty like j lo" haha

But yes; mix could be improved.

Every element needs to be more aggressive; best thing you can do, is listen carefully to songs that are kinda similar to yours and try to simulate the sound of elements like BD etc. Pick a song that has the same tempo.
So, for example, pick a song like "pokerface" - you can say what you want about that song - but the mix kicks ass :)
good luck
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: tina m on June 17, 2017, 11:41:33 AM
I absolutely loved the beat in this, you do conjure up some fantastic rhythmic beats!
but I wasnt sure the melody worked so well,  & I wondered if the original chords had got mixed out or submerged in the dance treatment?
The lyrics sounded a bit dated ...I know J-LOs derriere has been around a long time now ...almost as long as a planet...& probably weighs as much! but there must be a better bottom to sing about by now!
But anyway I admire your desire to go modern & clubby ....you just need some moron like DJ Khaled shouting 'This is DJ Khaled', as he always does so inspiringly & everyone will love it  :)
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Morefrog Jones on June 17, 2017, 12:38:00 PM
I absolutely loved the beat in this, you do conjure up some fantastic rhythmic beats!
but I wasnt sure the melody worked so well,  & I wondered if the original chords had got mixed out or submerged in the dance treatment?
The lyrics sounded a bit dated ...I know J-LOs derriere has been around a long time now ...almost as long as a planet...& probably weighs as much! but there must be a better bottom to sing about by now!
But anyway I admire your desire to go modern & clubby ....you just need some moron like DJ Khaled shouting 'This is DJ Khaled', as he always does so inspiringly & everyone will love it  :)


Yes I think you are right that original chords got lost - as For the song I was inspired to recreate something like Marvin Gaye & get it on - or move like Jagger - One whos dead and the other who is over 70 - LOL. ;D ;D ;D ;D

Anyway this is defiantly a producers song - Of which I am not  :(
I think this is one that has potential in the right hands.

Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Yodasdad on June 18, 2017, 03:27:46 PM
Took me a while to review this as I got distracted by the picture.

A potential Ibiza anthem in the making.

I like the percussion driven backing.

The vocals are not bad but I know what you mean, they haven't quite got that in your face pizzaz of a modern dance track do they.

Apart from that the only other thing I would say is that the chorus melody is quite similar to that of the verse, might need a bit more of a hooky stonka.

Good work though, lots of potential for this.

Yodasdad
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: ScottLevi on June 18, 2017, 03:50:41 PM
Hey Morefrog

Great lyrics; simple, relatable and good flow - just what a track like this needs.

There's good progression and I like how well each verse leads I to the chorus. Vocal levels seemed well through my earphones but did feel a little distant through my cheap Bluetooth speaker xD.

I enjoyed the progression in the story and the teardown/build-up.

Only suggestion would be a bit more of a sporadic breakdown to break the song a bit more. I think it might be "Give up on Me" which has a cool trumpety sound drop in - think something similar would work wonders here.

Really enjoyable, leaps forward from your last clubby attempt imo.

All the best,
Scott
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: PaulyX on June 18, 2017, 05:37:49 PM
I don't know how J-Lo shakes her booty, but this is a good reason to read up.
This is infectious man.  My fave bits are when the beat kicks back in after dropping away, for example at around 54 secs and subsequent choruses.  I like your Bobby Gillespie-style vocals too.  A nice piece of beat-driven beach-front club fun.
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Jambrains on June 26, 2017, 08:17:38 PM
Good groove but I think it needs more bottom end, particularly kick to really get going.
Not a genre I'm very familiar but too me it sounds like it has potential but it sound a bit like it lacks that power/"bigness" that (at least I) associate with this kind of track if that made any sense?
Now, this may just me being an old dinosaur but I cannot really get the chords and the melody to fit quite together, like the vocals was been recorde to a, at least partially, different backing?
Or maybe I'm just tone deaf  ;D
So summary, def potential but not quite there yet.
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Paulski on June 29, 2017, 02:12:29 AM
I can't possibly offer anything here.
Disco/house is totally not my cuppa but I will say the lead vocals are really good and the soundcloud image is nice.  ;D ;D

Paul
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Binladeda on June 29, 2017, 10:38:33 AM

 Hi,

 Great movement.  Loved the chorus. Thought the verse needed something more
 below the belt to suit your vocal. More bollox  ;D ;D Your vocal has an attitude
 that doesn't quite suit the clean/auto electro sound in the verse. Loved that background
 guitar towards the end......clever ;D ;D

 Good luck....

Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Kristupas on June 30, 2017, 08:18:02 AM
Funny chorus idea, it had this kind of middle-eastern vibe in it, maybe because of the synth :)

Maybe for a dance track the beginning was a bit too slow ?
For my taste, dance track could be shorter, and then you wouldn't have too remove so much in the beginning to remove possible monotony.

But later on it sounded nice, quirky, 'summery', not a lot of bass though(but that is my taste, I guess).

In general fun track to listen too (didn't want to see the picture :DD )

Cheers,

Kris
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: CaliaMoko on July 02, 2017, 03:39:43 AM
Reading through the lyric, I couldn't imagine how this would fit to a melody but, listening next, I see it fits a melody just fine. Your rhyme scheme is consistent and some of the rhymes are quite distant. If you're into prosody, you must be thinking this is a very shaky possibility, a feeling supported by the irregular rhythms of the verse lines and the distant rhymes.

It's fun to analyze how the prosody tells the story...the first verse has one set of perfect rhymes, two sets of near rhymes, and one set of a fairly distant rhyme. So our protagonist is feeling pretty sure of himself, but not 100% on solid ground. The second verse has no perfect rhymes, two sets of reasonably near rhymes, and two sets of distant rhymes. So we can assume he didn't get an immediate positive response, so he's feeling a lot less sure of himself. The last verse has two sets of perfect rhymes and two sets of near rhymes. He must have gotten at least a little bit of a positive response and is feeling a lot more sure of the outcome now, although not quite 100%.

I try really hard not to consider production or performance skills when judging for challenges (or SOTM), but I'll say I do like how you put this together. It does end kind of abruptly, though.

Vicki
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: PaulAds on July 03, 2017, 11:01:21 PM
my elderly parents (90 and 87) always called the J2O drinks that my kids used to like "J-LO" by mistake

anything dancy like this makes me feel a bit the same...as if the world has gone whizzing past me and i no longer understand it...like the time my granny won a digital clock and when i set it to the correct time (14:40) for her - she said "that's too many...it should only go up to 12...and half past"

pounding and quite catchy...bags of spirit and a bit of a snarl in the vocal which i really liked...i'd maybe have liked to have heard something to have shaken it up a little more at some point...but pretty groovy nonetheless
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: crystalsuzy on July 04, 2017, 02:11:45 AM
I totally enjoyed listening to this one MJ :) Dance club all the way, and to be honest, I think you've done quite a good job on the production :)
The lyrics are really fun...not that I'm into JL-O's butt ;D
I think for this kind of genre, you almost need some effect...dare I say 'auto-tune', on the vocals :o but what do I know ::)
I agree, I think the chorus could be a little more distinct, from the verses, but not a biggy :)
It's a great song and good luck in the comp :) :)
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Cawproductions on July 04, 2017, 04:42:49 PM
Great track,

Sounds pumping, vocals fit perfectly with the dance beat, and a great picture to look at while listening to track. Ticks all the boxes.

Catchy bassline too,

Smacked of JK in there.........good work...

Andy
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Jamie on July 06, 2017, 04:43:04 PM
Hi, not really a genre I'm up with so limited comments to make really. Really liked the singing, that was the highlight for me. It moved along nicely but As I said not really my thing!
Cheers
Jamie
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Morefrog Jones on July 07, 2017, 07:14:06 PM
Many Thanks for the comments from everyone - Must admit I lost interest in this one quite quickly and did not put nearly enough effort into the finished product - But ive just uploaded a quick acoustic one take raw Demo (With Mistakes) if anyone is interested to see where the original idea came from.

https://soundcloud.com/morefrog-jones/jlo-acoustic-demo
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: pompeyjazz on July 07, 2017, 10:47:16 PM
Hi Morefrog.  Well a butt in you're face is one way to attract lis tenders and I'm sure this is very tongue in cheek  ;D Brilliant summer dance track man. Luuuuuurve it
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra on July 11, 2017, 05:47:20 AM
As with some of the others I don't know much about this sort of style.

The beat is infectious enough all right if a little bass-lite (on my headphones), and the song is catchy with a good punchline.

I think your vocal style which fits a lot of your other stuff....the way you end your phrases, your 'attitude' as Bin calls it...don't know how to describe it...isn't quite appropriate for this kind of thing.

Having said that I'm no expert on anything from the last 30 years so have no idea if this fits the 'up to date' brief or not.

Dancy and appealing in any case.
Title: Re: Shake Your Booty Like J-LO (Summer Competition Entry)
Post by: IronKnee on July 11, 2017, 06:56:42 AM
I can't dance.....but I'm willing to try!!
Good song, man!!