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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: josmeijerartiest on June 14, 2017, 05:12:35 PM

Title: could somebody help me with my lyrics
Post by: josmeijerartiest on June 14, 2017, 05:12:35 PM
could somebody help to  make  some lyrics with me?

thanks by the away



1.

you make me very sad










play with me tonight



















Title: Re: could somebody help me with my lyrics
Post by: Darren1664 on June 14, 2017, 06:44:38 PM
Hello Josmei

I would love to help but I am not sure of the format of your post. Seems like there might be some words missing? Unless you want help filling in the blanks? If you could give us a little more I'd gladly see if I can be of help

All the best

Darren :)
Title: Re: could somebody help me with my lyrics
Post by: josmeijerartiest on June 14, 2017, 06:51:47 PM
i cant give you some more cause these words came out my head from nothing  :)

but yeah maybe could i give you some more lyrics when i know more to write about
Title: Re: could somebody help me with my lyrics
Post by: delb0y on June 14, 2017, 07:28:34 PM
Before I worry about meter, rhymes, rhyming patterns, structure, middle eight and all those other things that are inherent in writing lyrics I want to know what the story is i.e. what it is that I want to say. It might be as simple as creating a song around an emotion ( usually love, but it could just as easily be loneliness, or loss, or anything). Or it may be a character study. Or (preferably for me) a proper story - be it a love story, a motorbike story, a tragedy, or something involving cowboys and pretty girls in gingham. But the thing is, until one knows what one is going to write about it one can't write.

So, what's the story or emotion or theme? Armed with that I'm sure we can help!  :)
Title: Re: could somebody help me with my lyrics
Post by: Jenna on June 15, 2017, 12:23:43 AM
I'm sad already. It reminded me of a child looking for a friend or attention from their parents. In that case, there are lots of possibilities for what can go in the middle.