The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Rick trodat on June 13, 2017, 01:22:51 PM
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https://soundcloud.com/schermer/john-wright (https://soundcloud.com/schermer/john-wright)
He was John handsome John
Everything was right
Liked to drink at the bar
Stayed up till night
His wife hated him
( it) ended up in a fight
Packed his stuff
And went for a trip
Went out of sight
Did you knew him, his name was John Wright
He left his home when the time was right
Knocked on a yellow door
Bags on the floor
a girl opened up; why you are here for
Can I sleep here tonight, I got no place to go
He smiled and looked at her, going in the flow
Hey you look so familiair
Can I bring you home
I am so alone
I am home alone
ta ta ta
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Hey, that was thigh-slapping fun... bit like a countrified T-Rex (even your voice sounds a bit like Bolan!). I like the banjo, slide guitar and whistling in particular and some touches on percussion made me smile. My only suggestion would be to EQ it to make the lead vocal a bit clearer in the choruses; it gets a bit lost amongst the backing vocals so I don't think I'd understand the words if I didn't have the lyrics. Great little tune that sets out to enjoy itself and succeeds big time.
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Hi Rick,
Loving this track, love the mix of instruments you have, whistling mixes well too.
Kinda country meets T rex,
Brilliant
Andy
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Nice song!
John Sebastian/Lovin' Spoonful vibe.
It is very happy and very up-beat ;D ;D
Nice slide guitar too.
Maybe take some of that extra end space and put it on the intro - to give it time to load..
Great work!
Paul
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Hey Rick.
This gave a lift to my day fo sho!
Quite Marc Bolan in places,he always had that pop boogie thang down pat.
Love the pedal steel licks too.
It's a modern day Mungo Jerry,In the Summertime. In another time this would hit the charts and never be off the radio.
Just great man,ta for the list,it's on my playlist. 8)
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Nice whistling! Reminds me a bit of Mungo Jerry... Not my usual thing but a rather jolly listen none the less.
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Hey Rick
I really like this, the upbeat style the way you sing but i think some lyric lines could flow better with some minor changes, also im hearing a great hook line "his name was John Wright"
TBH i dont think this song is finish yet but the only changes i think it needs is to get some of your lyric lines flowing better, no doubt about it great upbeat style, also i think Paulski right about adding a intro.
Been listening to your other songs and that instrumental "Life's Door" beautiful, post that next 8)