The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat

Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: Bernd on June 12, 2017, 05:08:30 PM

Title: I need a title for these lyrics:
Post by: Bernd on June 12, 2017, 05:08:30 PM

I have this dream I can't resist
I have this urge I feel inside
call it obsession, call it itch
there is this girl who's on my mind

I wanna eye her, want to embrace her
wanna kiss her, wanna taste her
wanna rock her, wanna reel her
wanna touch her, wanna feel her

I have this urge I feel inside
there is this girl who's on my mind

I must meet her, get to know her
I can please her, I must show her

****

I have this scene before my eyes
it's as clear - as clear as day
we are lying side by side
and she lets me have my way

lets me eye her, and embrace her
lets me kiss her, lets me taste her
lets me rock her, lets me reel her
lets me touch her, lets me feel her

I have this scene before my eyes
we are lying side by side

I must meet her, get to know her
I can please her, I must show her

Title: Re: I need a title for these lyrics:
Post by: Gill on June 12, 2017, 05:36:48 PM

Hi, these are nice and consistent lyrics. When I see repetitive lyrics in a chorus I kind of want to hear it in music to see how they fit eh  ;)

Title: Re: I need a title for these lyrics:
Post by: Gill on June 12, 2017, 06:36:06 PM

Maybe just "Let me" ?

Title: Re: I need a title for these lyrics:
Post by: diademgrove on June 12, 2017, 10:43:53 PM

My suggestion would be The Girl Next Door.

The only part of the lyric that didn't chime right for me was "I must show her". It sounds too definite for me whilst the rest of the song is what you hope for. "I want to show her" works better with the images in my head but may not fit the melody if you have one.

Feel free to ignore me if you disagree.

Keith

Title: Re: I need a title for these lyrics:
Post by: And Co. on June 13, 2017, 04:49:02 PM

Well, I'd use the word "her" for the title, cause you used that word in many lines. Maybe I want her or I need, it also depends on your feelings. It's a personal opinion, so ignore me if you want to haha.

Title: Re: I need a title for these lyrics:
Post by: Bernd on June 16, 2017, 04:27:54 PM

Thank you for racking your brains on my behalf.

After letting it rest for a little while I decided on "girl on my mind".

Thanks again
and see you around!

Bernd

Title: Re: I need a title for these lyrics:
Post by: Jackdaw on June 16, 2017, 05:18:52 PM

Lady Aphrodity
Or
Lady of my Dreams.

Ps...
Your first verse should say "Spy" not eye.

Great lyrics tho.
Well done.

Jackdaw1888 :-)

Title: Re: I need a title for these lyrics:
Post by: hardtwistmusic on June 17, 2017, 04:31:57 AM

If it were me, I'd call it "on my mind."
































;

Title: Re: I need a title for these lyrics:
Post by: Bernd on June 17, 2017, 10:27:33 AM

Thank you, Verlon. That's better :-)

Thank you all!