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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Neil C on May 29, 2017, 10:51:27 PM
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Hi,
Well here's our humble entry for the beach/summer competition.
Written to Mr Arkwright's fine set of lyrics, I've tried to give it a light, upbeat acoustic pop tune.
Please have a listen and look forward to your feedback and suggestions
:)
neil
https://soundcloud.com/neilconnor-2/sun-kissed-days-demo-master-6-may-2017 (https://soundcloud.com/neilconnor-2/sun-kissed-days-demo-master-6-may-2017)
Sun Kissed Days
Endless days, we chased the waves along the golden shore
The smile that blessed, this lovers heart, has broken many more
Time stood still on this barren land
As grains of sand slid through your hands
Stars that light, the blackened night spin circles round the moon
A warm west wind, closed our eyes as midnight turned to noon
Time stood still on this barren land
As grains of sand slid through your hands
The sun went down, the ocean cried
We mourn the day that Summer died
We lost our way in a twilight haze
But found true love on Sun Kissed Days
Laid in flowers, we wasted hours, forever never ends
When Summer dies, and Autumn leaves we’ll still be Winter friend
Time stood still on this barren land
As grains of sand slid through your hands
The sun went down, the ocean cried
We mourn the day that Summer died
We lost our way in a twilight haze
But found true love on Sun Kissed Days
The sun went down, the ocean cried
We mourn the day that Summer died
We lost our way in a twilight haze
But found true love on Sun Kissed Days
c 2017 Arkwright/Connor
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Hi, did you write this from the lyrics after right? Great song nicely mellowed and love how it stays in that direction throughout the song 8)
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Yo Neil and Arkwright.
I'm old enough to recall the halcyon days of summer in the 60s. Lying on my back in the middle of a barley field,listening to pirate station radio Caroline on my transistor radio. In those days there was no pop radio,just what the BBC moguls allowed for a few minutes here and there,the pirates changed all that. It was a magic time. Hard to imagine for today's youth.
This song fits in well with the theme,lovely guitars,imaginative chord/melody/vocals/harmony and infused with nostalgia,strung all together with a truly fine set of lyrics make the result irresistible to me.
Great job. :)
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Excuse me - gotta go comb my hair after that breezy ride through the past.
One of your best melodies and vocals Neil - great lyrics.
Perfect length ;D
And the guitars (and the bass!) were worth every minute of listening.
Defo a top contender for the prize ;D
Paul
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Lovely melodic feel and great acoustic sound coupled with great arrangement / playing and production. The lyrics are excellent as well and I do like the acoustic guitar solo bits. Quality stuff :)
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Gorgeous. It's got that sort of happy/melancholy wistfulness... a Ray Davies feel which is a bullseye for me. The acoustic guitar solos are great.
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Lovely melody and gentle vocal. The imagery in the lyrics is very full, my only reservation on the whole is that it's a song that's already been written plenty of times before. Your lyrical skill does enough to keep it from being 'All Summer Long' though.
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Very good Neil. Excellent in fact!
I love the 2nd parts of the verses doing as good a job of announcing the chorus as any pre-chorus. Love the melody in these parts over that descending prog....of course 1st time round this part isn't followed by a chorus - that nice solo! - but it so clearly is going to be next time that the anticipation and expectation start here. It's oh so nice this...very well done...brought a big smile to my face.
Intro is good and sets a great feel right from the start. First bit of melody is so-so...a bit ordinary...but what comes next more than compensates. chorus comes in nicely and is great...you could maybe have improved the actual punchline though somehow....it's a bit of a tricky one I realise that....no matter...it works great in the final chorus where you handle it differently by holding it off. It's a great chorus.
Best song I've heard from you, and though we haven't had all the entries yet, this is the best competition song I've heard so far. I don't think I'll hear a better one so this is my earlybird prediction for winner.
Quality stuff, perfect for the comp, great summer feel. If it doesn't win I'll eat my kiss-me-quick hat.
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Really nice song. Great work from both of you.
I really like the lyrics and the way they are sung. I've listened to this a few times now and it is so easy to listen to - there is a really nice upbeat feel to it. It put a smile on my face. I've sat here swaying to it for a while now...so best crack on with my review...:P....
The open bass line and chords is a great way to start the track and from there it just bubble along really nicely. The guitar is very well worked and I really like how well the electric guitars sound against the acoustic and vice versa.
I suspect I shall catch myself whistling this on my way to work tomorrow :P...
Great stuff. Darren
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Another stunning entry to this summer competition - feels super 'summery' and has an lovely feel to the song. Good stuff :)
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Some great melodies & lovely acoustic lead parts here & I love the big thumping bass guitar..
Lyrically it was a strange mixture of joy & despair that I didnt completely follow ..& I wondered if you had taken the lyric apart a bit to fit your song Neil?
Anyway it was very impressive, as is every thing you do nowadays Neil
I did think there were too many acoustic guitars strumming away at times tho, & they got a bit distracting
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Beautiful song
Makes me feel young again, feel like I'm a 15 year old on my summer holidays.
Love the guitars as usual.
Sandeep
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An absolute corker, Neil and Steve :)
and a definite contender for the crown
built up excellently and was absolutely flying as it got towards the end
I'd agree with Ian...your best yet for my money and it's the best vocal i've heard from you...
a fantastic summer song
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We have always seen wonderful lyrics from Arkright, and here are some more. Great words and inspirational for Neil to add his own distinctive style of music. I hear the Kinks lazing on a weekend afternoon and they could have made a superb recording of this song, in my opinion. Good seasonal sound and more drumbeat could possibly be added.
Marrianna
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Great song guys,
Nice summer feel. Well arranged with some
stylish melodies and vocals. Usual high quality
songwriting Neil ;D
Like the guitar playing on this. Good sound,
especially liked the 'throw away' lead right at
the end ;D Walked the song out really well....
This will do well in the comp..... that's just blown
your chance of winning anything ;D ;D ;D
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Great driving beat all the way through this with some very nice ac guitar playing.
Some unexpected chord changes were nice and help hold the interest.
I think you've done a god job with some good lyrics here.
I'm not a fan of a fade out ending but it does work here and I can hear that it does actually end albeit at a low volume.
Yodasdad
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Fhaos, Hi yes I asked Arkwright if he'd write something for the competition and he did and then I wrote the tune to it. Some slight alterations and we were there. Tried to keep it mellow yet with some energy. thanks
Skub, delighted to have brought back memories of your youth, summers seem to go on forever when you're young.
Paulski, One of your best melodies and vocals Neil - great lyrics.
Perfect length Grin And the guitars (and the bass!) were worth every minute of listening
Cheers for that great feedback
PompeyJazz, melodic and all that - delighted it hot the spot.
PaulyX - happy/melancholy wistfulness... a Ray Davies feel - indeed Kinks, Aztec Camera with motown beat :-)
Moomond, thanks for your feedback, Arkwright does have a way with words and imagery
My dear Count, thanks for your great comments, although i fear any tag as favourites will doom it and the pollsters seem to always get it wrong!. I just liked the idea of putting a solo over the first chorus as a way of tightening the anticipation of the chorus when it arrived after the second verse. "Best song I've heard from you" thanks you very muchly,
Darren, delighted it made you :-) easy when you've got quality lyrics to write to. A small point there's no electric guitars on here apart from the bass, all acoustics either 12 or 6 string. its probably the 12 string that sounds more strident and electric like i think
Morefrog "- feels super 'summery' and has an lovely feel to the song" thanks for that feedback
tina m "Some great melodies & lovely acoustic lead parts here & I love the big thumping bass guitar" re the lyrics Steve did some reworking to add in a couple of lines rather than me. re acoustic strumming i kind of know where you are coming from as they chanson quite percussive and clutter uo the mx so i did spend a fair bit on that......
Movin' Beautiful song. Makes me feel young again, feel like I'm a 15 year old on my summer holidays.
great feedback thanks
PaulAds , thanks a lot i'm delighted with your comments
Marrianna, thanks and yes the Kinks are right in there, especially the pre-chorus progression and BV's. i couldn't even begin to think what it would actually sound like with them ???
Bin, thanks for that, including the kiss of death. the acoustic solos were pretty much one take and on an early demo and i just though, whilst not perfect they worked, and the fade out seemed to suit the 60's vibe
Yodasdad, thanks, please you liked the tune, arrangements and chord changes.
And thanks to again to Arkwright for the platform and being so easy to work with.
:)
Neil
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Hey Neil, Ark,
Super collaboration! What wonderful and flowing lyrics to work with, enviable!
Sure one of the other comments mention 'breezy', and I certainly agree, has a 'light and airy' feel with that warm instrumental and flowing lyrics/vocals. :D
You must have a 2:00 rule because again, came at just the right time to break up the song.
Couldn't help wish I were listening live!
Really enjoyable listen.
Cheers,
Scott
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Yep, like a soothing summer's breeze for sure. Some nice progressions in there esp enjoyed the pre chorus. BV really adds to the overall slick and polished production. The strummed acoustics may be a little on the "thin" side but I guess they would sit less well in the mix if they were fuller sounding. Nice with an acoustic guitar solo for a change. A strong contender for sure, well done!
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genuinely inspiring song Neil. I personally find it really difficult to pen a good tune led by acoustic guitar but you are showing the way here. love the Spanish elements. if i was to nitpick, I don't hear a really strong distinction between the verse and the chorus, but ultimately it's a really enjoyable listen.
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Nice mood-setting song about summer, especially in retrospect and wishing it was still summer and/or that summer could last forever. Has a lazy, relaxed feel, suitable for lying in flowers, wasting hours...
The words and melody go together very, very well; it's a nice, cohesive piece. I have no nits.
Vicki
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What a wonderful collab this is Neil and Ark :) The lyrics are so flowing and poetic, and Neil has put them to such a lovely flowing, air/breezy melody and backing track :) Fantastic guitars, and the vocals/BV's are really good :) Stellar track guys :)
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Got to admit.....I did like those cool retro sounding guitars. Very easy listening from an era that was easy.
Good song, you two!! Good luck.......sounds great to me!!
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Hi Neil, missed this earlier, but a great summer feel to it with the great acoustic guitar sounds and chords. Harks back to the 60's. Nice acoustic lead stuff too! A touch of ray Davies in there with the descending sections,good stuff.
Really good song guys , well done!
Cheers
Jamie
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Bit late to the party on this one, only just discovered it while trawling through finished songs looking for inspiration ;D
You captured the mood to my lyrics perfectly Neil, I'm always amazed when someone interprets what's going on in my head.
Thanks for bringing it to life, great job as always.
To everyone else, thanks for all the kind comments, they're much appreciated.