The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Darren1664 on May 24, 2017, 07:16:58 PM
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Hello!
https://soundcloud.com/user-41129754/summer-lover-master
So, after 20 odd years of playing guitar and writing music I finally have a finished track and I have John (pompeyjazz) to thank for that! :)
It was written for the summer competition and I drew inspiration from nowhere tbh...the first few words and chords came to me and the rest fell in place from there (and all fictional and not personal). The big break for me was John kindly offering to produce the track and he really seen the process home by adding lead guitar, backing vocals and taking care of the entire mixing process. I am extremely grateful for his help and really could not have finished this without him. So thank you John.
All the best everyone. Darren
The lyrics:
He was sat on the beach in the summer
When something shaded his eyes
It looked like his former lover's
Silhouette against the sky
But it wasn't them at all
Just another person catching a ball
The situation made him recall
His summer lover
Last summer, when they got together
They were having the time of their lives
Then he mentioned forever
and something changed in their eyes
And it wasn't meant to be at all
Just another guy dropping the ball
In his search for someone to call
His Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer Lover
He wants somebody to love
He wants somebody to love
He wants somebody to love
He wants somebody to love
This summer, he's going to take it easy
Mr cool, calm and breezy
Just this side of sleazy
and a little bit left of cheesy
and he's going to have a ball
and let the chip land where they fall
and might just find someone to call
His forever lover
He recalls his Somer Lover...
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I listened to this in WIP & told you how catchy it was, tho a little rough round the edges ….but now it sounds brilliant! John has done a fabulous job producing it!
I love your terrific guitar solo John! You are getting realy good on that thing!
So Darren, its even catchier than before & is a real contender for the Summer Comp I reckon
I love your Welsh accent...all you need now is to sort out those teeth! ;D
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A super summer feeling to this song. Brilliant production. The guitar sounds fantastic. ‘Mr cool calm and breezy, just this side of sleazy’ love it!
Well done to you both
Paul
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Yes this is definitely a catchy one with that groovy guitar and the easy delivery. Vocal now sitting nicely.
Really fine touch the solo....breaks it up brilliantly.
A sure contender...loads of appeal.
Just because I'm a nitpickin' git I wouldn't have minded a little bit more intro to get into the groove before the vocal came in.
Good one though! Congrats on your first baby.
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Definitely has a great summer sound
Love the ooooh waapa
Like the cheeky lyrics and your excellent guitar playing.
Has hints of Squeeze and the Kinks.
Can see John's influence.
Congrats on your first song...hope more is to come.
Sandeep
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Nice one gents! Standouts for me are the nice sunny open hi-hats, the ascending chords and the widdles around the "Autumn Winter Spring and Summer" section, and the lyrics particularly towards the end. Plus the way you sing "little bit left of cheesy" Darren. I've just got home from Brighton beach in fact and wish I'd had this on my cans down there.
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Wow thanks for the kind comments ladies and gents!
Tina - thank you and yes John did a fab job and in no time at all. I;d be still tinkering if left to my own devices. Well spotted on the accent btw ;) hard to hide the twang sometimes.
Wicked Deeds - Glad you liked it mate :) thanks for listening
Viscount - Thanks mate. Yes it is my first baby! Is nice to finally feel like I have achieved something with my music :P and nit pick away...I know what you mean as well...I do struggle with arrangement sometimes, especially how to start and end a song. I think a lot of this is learned from actually finishing songs which is why I struggle :P thanks for your kind review pal
Sandeep - Thanks pal. I hope more will follow too ;) glad you liked it
PaulyX - Thank you thank you. I'm glad you liked my singing, well at least part of it, not my strong point singing but I am working on it. Brighton beach! Lovely beach weather, hope you enjoyed.
Thanks again all for the kind comments. I've already started working on my next one :P a while off yet mind. Anyway, stay cool. Darren
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Yo John and Darren.
I love concise and punchy songs,say what ya gotta say,hoof them in the plums and it's done. :)
Tis the forum's answer to Right Said Fred. Too sexy for the competition. :D
Sterling work by you both.
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I took to this song as soon as I heard it the first time in the WIP section. Poppy, infectious, catchy. Thanks so much to Darren for letting me work on this number. It was really enjoyable :)
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Excellent quirky and unique sound...John's done a great job here for you.
Guitars are great! The rap-style works really well and the lyric is very good.
Great collaboration...and i loved the punchy ending :)
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Congrats Darren on your first finished song!...and to Pompey for a nice job with the production.
Very catchy, doesn't sound like someone's first song at all.
Enjoyed the riffy guitars.
Keep em comin.
Yodasdad
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Great entry for the Summer comp vibe ;D Very catchy, and I like the kind of spoken singing thing you got going on :) Great production and guitar solo John, and congrats on your first finished song
Darren...it's fabulous :o
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I like it Guys i really do, has that beach ball bouncy feel to it, time to put on my hippie shorts and head to the beach, but not today its raining outside and i might catch a cold, maybe tomorrow ???
Really great song 8)
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Neat up beat and catchy.
Liked the the chord and key changes over the bubbling rhythm.
Thoughts, perhaps some v's over the repeated 'he want somebody to love'
To the point
Clever pop
:)
Neil
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Thanks again for all your kind comments.
Skub - thank you and LOL. Too sexy it hurts...
pompeyjazz - Thank you again and you're very welcome! It was a treat for me to have someone working on my song, so my thanks to you.
PaulAds - Thanks mate, glad you liked it :)
Yodadad - Thank you very much mate. Yeah my first finished song - crazy it's taken me so long. I have written many but never been able to finish them in terms of structure and recording. Maybe now the gates are open ;)...thanks for listening
crystalsuzy - thank you very much for your kind comments :) glad you liked to vocal :P I'm not much for singing
Oldbutyet - Thanks pal! haha hippie shorts...not yet got mine out...soon though..soon!
Neil C - Thanks mate. Ahh yes I see what you mean with BV there....might have worked well. Glad you liked it
You've all been very kind so thank you for taking the time to listen and comment. All the best. Darren :)
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Really enjoyable - love the lyrics - once you get over the unusual vocal delivery and hear it a few times it really grows on you. And Pompey jazz is getting pretty good at this producing lark :D
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Hey Darren,
John is a darling isn't he? This so what the forums all about for me, leveraging different skills to help each other reach new heights.
Reading the lyrics first, I really admire how the first two verses set the scene so elegantly. Super relatable and very well put together imho.
Listening, this blew me away to be honest... Had to plug the speaker in and show my dad, then give your other stuff a listen!
Absolutely love your style, safe to say you have a new fan and John's masterwork has of course propelled this one to another level.
Keep em coming, please!
All the best
Scott
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Very enjoyable song. Love how the production seems to bring everything forward in the mix. There's quite a lot packed into 2 minutes including a superb guitar break. Can't really offer any constructive criticism I'm afraid. You've got a top song and a pro sidekick producing for you. This summer competition is really hotting up!
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Hey
So I realised Morefrog reviewed and I have been rude enough not to thank you!! :P missed that you had posted is all...but I am very grateful for your kind comments. I kinda dig that you think my vocal is unusual....because if anything that is what it is :P so thank you and yeah Pompey did a fab job, forever grateful
Scott thank you so much for a rave review!! It's very nice to hear that you like my song and my style! :) great for my confidence (for which I am lacking!) so thank you very much. I hope your dad enjoyed it too :P and I'm very taken aback that you say I have a new fan! So thank you thank you thank you...I do plan on getting more out there but still slowly working on my production skills (severely lacking...)
And yes this forum has been such a great resource since I have stumbled on it and to have someone take the time to help with producing my music is amazing.
Hey Mickey - so please you enjoyed the track and yes there's some superb entries to the summer song competition, many talented folks on this forum!!
Thanks to all that listened!! Regards Darren
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Ah, this was a quirky little bugger, took a while before I got me head around it but once I did it was movin' and groovin' in a great way! Found the guitars a bit "fat" if that makes any sense? Sort of taking up a little too much sonic real estate and lacking a little bit/edge? Think the "solo" guitar could come down a little in the mix and perhaps loose a little of the reverb but that is down to taste I guess.
Must say this one really grew on me, well done!
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Now that's what I call infectious! Drives along without let up and with plenty of punch. Clever lyrics full of personality which keep us interested all through. It's just a good song I think, and the guitar-led production suits it so well. Nice stuff guys.
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Yeah...great song guys ;D Lovin the vocal style. Suits
the music really well. The complete package ;D It has
a sort of naive charm/energy which I really like. Lovely
guitar playing, a very familiar progression....works well,
very catchy. Great stuff, I'm sure this will do well in the
comp.
Good luck ;D
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Jam, Adam and Bin - Thank you so much for listening and your kind and constructive comments. I have been overwhelmed with the positive reception to this track! It's especially nice to hear kind comments of my voice as it's something of an insecurity to me. So thank you all :)
Jam - Thank you for the comments. My skills at identifying flaws in a mix are pretty much nil so I will try to hear what you do - it will be a good pointer for me in developing an ear. I must say that learning how to identify improvements in a mix is a hard skill to learn but like everything I suppose it is down to practice.
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Hi Darren
It's the lyrics and their delivery that sold me on this.
Oh, and perfect length ;D
John's expert touch on the mix and production shines through.
No nits from me - I enjoyed it!
Well done lads ;D
Paul
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Lovely song!
I started listening to all of the summer competition songs.
It literally cracked a smile in my face, so easy to listen to, not too long, good prosody, you add in more and more to the song bit by bit.
I love it when your voice goes low on some parts of the lines( "..his eyes , .. sky") . It resonates really well. Of course the guitar sound soothes the ear.
Nice, thank you :)
Kris
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Oooo, nice and island-y. Or something syncopated. Love it. I like the beat, the energy. The lyric is totally suitable to the summer challenge theme. The rhyme scheme is a little inconsistent, but it doesn't bother me. I just really like this.
I did notice a couple things in the lyrics that didn't feel quite right. "He was sat" (first line) seems like a really odd grammar error. "He was" needs "sitting" to complete the verb. If you want "sat", you shouldn't have "was". The line can easily work out rhythmically if you say "He sat on the beat in the summer".
Second one "But it wasn't them at all". I would expect it to say "But it wasn't her at all". Unless you're trying to be more all-inclusive and not be gender-specific about his summer lover, in which case, never mind.
Although, the same thing crops again in the next verse with "and something changed in their eyes". This one is even more confusing, because you're using "they" and "their" already in the verse, so it makes it feel like that idea is continuing. Except, in context, it can't be. So that one is a problem for me.
If you're trying to leave it open for him to have a summer lover that's either male or female, I would prefer the pronoun references be more clear. I haven't thought of a way to do that, though. Yet.
Anyway, just my opinions throughout, of course, so feel free to ignore me.
Vicki
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Hy Paul, Kris and Vicki
Thank you for your comments and sorry for the delay in re commenting.
Paul - I am glad you like it mate and thank you for your kind feedback. I am still surprised by the kind comments I have had to my delivery of the vocals...makes me smile.
Kris - Glad you liked it pal and again another kind comment about my vocal! This has been a real confidence boost to me so thank you :) and of course thank you for listening and commenting, so nice to hear you enjoyed it.
Vicki - I am really glad you liked it! :) and do you have a sixth sense or something? because your comments on the lyrics were spot on :P I originally wrote this as 'but it wasn't her at all' but I didn't like it with the lyrics I had at the time. I wanted to make the man on the beach the focus so thought that the less details about his lover I gave the more I would achieve this. However the lyrics did evolve and I think I could have gone back to being 'her' but I never did change it. Thank you for spotting this and commenting and for taking such time to review my song in such details. :)
Thank you everyone who has listened and commented, I am very grateful. And once again a massive thank you to John for helping me to the end with this!!
All the best
Darren
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Well....I sure like this. Very original....belongs on a soundtrack in a new Adam Sandler movie, perhaps.
Awesome grove.....one of my very favorites, so far!!! Love the lyric...great song!!
Very good stuff!
8)-Tom
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Fab, fun and energetic. "clever pop" - as someone said earlier. Load of fun. Loved it.