The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulyX on May 17, 2017, 07:30:19 PM
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Blimey, I've been here 2 weeks already...
So here's "Post Punk Education" - a new song I'd love some feedback on. (You guys are really polite, but I am here to get better, so please don't hold back if it sucks).
This one is a bit more 'kick over some dustbins' than the last one I posted, and I heeded the advice on song length. This time I wanted to write something about those awkward teenage years when a lot of us discover music and the opposite sex at about the same time (and sometimes the former is a more reliable companion than the latter). I thought I'd set it in about 1982 since I love the music from that time. It's not strictly autobiographical (my own teenage crises were slightly deeper into the 80s when the music was decidedly more naff - 'Stock Aitken & Waterman Education' didn't have the same ring to it). Not sure if some of the references will carry across geographies and age groups - be good to know what you think.
Cheers, Pauly
https://soundcloud.com/elastic-justice/post-punk-education
POST PUNK EDUCATION
She liked the Undertones, up to "Positive Touch"
I could see she was smarter than me, though that wasn't saying much
She worked in Our Price to earn a little cash
So that was where I spent my weekends, always trawling through the racks
Just like Copernicus, well I knew even then
That the world span round at 45 RPM
My post punk education had begun
When I was old enough to pretend to be a man
I asked her down the William Twigg and she let me hold her hand
And told me all about 2-Tone
So that same night I was a Rude Boy, when I was sure I was alone
I couldn't count on much but I knew even then
That the songs we were discovering would always be our friends
And my post punk education was on track
And then she ditched me for a New Romantic in the year above
He drove a Ford Fiesta, kept his makeup in the glove box and so
I went back to kicking balls against a wall
He had won the battle, but I still had won The Fall
My post punk education will go on
At 33, at 45, at 78, I will always have the music... yeah
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Another belter :)
Everyone should be able to benefit from such an excellent education.
Loved it from start to finish.
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Hi Paulyx. Hope you've enjoyed your first couple of weeks on the forum. You've really jumped right in which is great. This is cracking, my erase too. Some lovely little touches and made me laugh when you threw in the New romantic synth. I know you've said that you're writing for a band but is this you playing / singing all this ? Respect mate, this is a fab tune :)
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omgoodness that is the most fabulous thing I have heard for a long time!
Is this a studio recording? It just sounds so amazing
Such terrific lyrics... my fave lyrics are always in that cheeky Squeeze style ..I just love songs that make me smile & giggle
Anyway this sounds like its got a motor attached, & I was loving it & then omg Sting popped up on yodelly vocals & I nearly had a laughing fit & had the most awful experience with a mouthful of coffee
Like PaulAds said I also loved every minute of it ...the synth was great when it came in & likewise all the other little touches & 'Sting' was genius
The only thing I wasnt sure about was the guitar sound at the start it sounded like a phaser..I dont like phasers much
If youve got a album out I think I would like to buy it :)
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Yo Paulyx.
A Rawktastic,high energy offering and quite the best way to spend 3.25 of anyone's time.
Great guitar sound and well thought out from start to finish.
No holes to pick from me,thanks for posting. :)
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Damn Loved everything about this, the words, the energy is great, I would not tamper with this one for anything
cheers
Lilly
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Hi Pauly!
This makes me a bit confused.
You write that you'd like us to be honest and tell you if your song
sucks and then make that opinion impossible by posting a great track.
Often phasers have a too direct, full on sound but you managed to put
the guitar track at the right place in the mix. Nice.
Can't say I'm too familiar with post-punk so some of the lyrics references
passed me by. My loss I guess.
One last thing. 78's? Were they made after the 50's? I'm might be wrong but
it's not the format I usually associate with 70's/80's. A bit anachronistic imo.
Like today saying 'I gave her some Black Metal songs on a Mini Disc.'
Martin
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Ha! Each listen seems to give me a different aha moment! (Not A-Ha, obviously, although wait...)
So much crammed in... I was also hanging around Our Prices in 1982 too. She didn't let me hold her hand though.
I thought your vocal got a touch swamped sometimes so a bit of automation might sort that out.
But an absolute firecracker of a write, performance and production.
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Much like everyone else I really enjoyed this. Really energetic and fun and very well recorded and mixed etc. Should be proud of this mate because it is a great song. I've got the EE EHH OHHs in my head now haha....very easy to sing and mosh along to this!!
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Yeah, I loved this too.
It's not my usual style but it's got one hell of a catchy chorus and some clever, smile inducing lyrics.
Full of energy and nicely produced.
What more can I say...
If you'd released this in and of its time I think you'd have had a massive hit on your hands.
Yodasdad
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Lots to like here.
Great lyrics and references, vocals all work.
Loads energy, great chorus and production.
Only thought was make the vocals a little prouder in the mix.
Eeeyoo BV's from Sting topping the cake. Sorry cant think of anything more less polite.
Neil
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Hi Pauly
Have the Police gone punk? ;D ;D
Excellent work my namesake - this is what we call in Canada the opposite of sucks ;D
Except for that borrowed sting harmony, I loved everything about this.
Well I liked the sting harmony but you get my meaning I hope.
Songs don't get much better than this ;D
Paul
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Thanks for giving it a spin guys.
Paulads - yeah, I've long thought The Vapors Greatest Hits should be on the National Curriculum.
Pompeyjazz - is it me playing everything? It's me and one mate (basically I write a scratchy demo and do the vocals and he redoes the guitars etc as he's a much tighter player than I am). You'll notice a big drop in production quality when I get round to posting something which is just me solo...
Tina - sorry Sting spilled your coffee, I'll have words next time he comes round ;). No, it's not a studio recording, just bedrooms and Logic. Album: well this will be on the next one but we've got one home-made one out (vanity published) on iTunes, Spotify etc. In fact I've got half a box of them here under my desk - (we didn't exactly sell out...). If anybody wants one PM me your postal address - it will help make the box look less embarrassingly full.
Skub - thanks man, that means a lot. :)
Lilly - great to hear, makes me happy. :)
Martin - you're right about 78s being anachronistic for sure. What I was trying to say in that last line was more "whether I'm aged 33, 45 or 78 (if I get that far) I'll still be into music", and I just borrowed those ages to chime with records speeds. Maybe it doesn't come across though - I'll have a think about that line. Thanks mate.
Adam - Our Price was the place to be, right?! Will have a review and see where we need to boost the vocal. Thanks a lot.
Darren - really appreciate that, thanks man. :)
Yodasdad - haha, thanks, I can be relied on to be 35 years late to any party. Look out for my Acid House album in a few years time.
Neil - that's great - noted on the vocals. Big thanks. :)
Paulski - I'm glad some of the references work on the other side of the Pond. Cheers buddy.
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This is right up my street. The lyrics are fantastic. Love all the references. And the chorus is very catchy. It's well produced, perhaps too well, because at times it feels a little too clean and polished to truely capture the spirit of the era it celebrates. But that's me being really nit picky so just ignore me!
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great track.
i like the police/sting style vocals, works well with the phaser, synth etc..fits nice.
vocal style reminds me off ian dury and suggs!
good length and the chorus is just right.i think upbeat punky style works well with a little catchy repetitive chorus/line.....just enough to embed itself into peoples minds....and then they start humming and singing it not knowing where they heard it lol
good stuff
joe
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Great song
Hints of squeeze and the Buzzcocks.
Like this a lot....love the Eooos
Great drums and guitars with cool vocals
Sandeep
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Great! another trip to my mis-spent youth, love it, the vocal is just right for the style too and some clever lyrics as well
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brilliant - the lyrics themselves were the stand out point for me ... that and the not very subtle "nod" to sting ... made me smile
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Hi, very good,song, well played and performed. Liked all the references they worked well. Surprised it's a bedroom recording it sounds more Pro than that!
Excellent!
Cheers
Jamie
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BOOOOM,
Smashing it in, Great, Love the style, and the punk style vox....The guitars sound great.
I am not too much into lyrics but they all sound good to me, and the chorus is catchy and memorable, loads of dynamics.
Has all the ingredients for me, Great work,
Bedroom production?.....Hell yeh, sounding pretty good here.
Well done to all involved, sounds pro.
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Excellent song Paul.
Love the character/delivery/performance of your vocal.
Especially liked the end....went to another level at 2.14 ;D
Amazing guitar playing...'dux arse' tight, and punchy. Great
drive and attack...loved it ;D
Can't fault it....and I've tried ;D You guys should be really proud
of this one.
Loved it
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Great stuff! I was more into NWOBHM at the time but I sure get the references. Lots of things to like here, solid verse, catchy chorus, plenty of good guitars, love the BV, a nice break to add some veriation, mix sound great. But for crying out lou, WHERE IS THE GUITAR SOLO?!?!?!?! ;D
Well done!
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Well, that wound me up and got me bouncing! I didn't know span was the past tense of spin! :o I don't think I'm qualified to critique this, but I can say I definitely enjoyed it. Makes me want to dance, and I like dancing. A lot! So that's a good thing. :)
Vicki
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Hi
This is great.
It brings so many of my favourite memories of late 70s/early 80s music to the fore.
It rocks like a good un. And Sting on backing vocals. :)
Production is really good.
Quality
Digger