The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: LostBoy on May 15, 2017, 08:35:15 PM
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Hi everyone,
Feels good to be back from an 8 month break from songwriting. ;D
I wanted to write a song that felt like a "driving along the coast" kind of thang! I am NOT a guitarist & don't own one,but I did the best I could with the iPads Guitarism app linked to GarageBand & Tonestack apps.
The songs just about celebrating a successful,long term relationship. (Shout out to my wife! ;D )
All thoughts and critiques are welcome.
Thanks so much
Leo ;D
https://soundcloud.com/leo-b-5/august-rain
August Rain
Stars hold your fire
Save your luck for the wishful thinkers
We've got everything we need tonight
This ocean drive
Takes us right back to the start
After all these years have passed.
I still remember the first time we met
When you cursed the sky
Cos your hair got wet.
Chorus.
August Rain in California
As rare as the moment,sparks were gonna fly
Under that broken sky
Yeah,you thought I was only a plaything
A one night daydream
Now look where we are
We're a comet among stars
The kind of love you see once in a lifetime
This love is a once in a lifetime.
Those were the nights
Busting out of the constellation
Didn't wanna live in black and white
Your northern lights,were a midnight feast for eyes
that were going colourblind.
We were so young,now just look where we are
Cos we've come so far & it all started here under that...
Chorus
Bridge.
We keep burning through the dark
While others fade away,we still feel the same,feel the same.
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Fantastic song Leo,
Definitely got that coastal, open top car feel.
Makes me pine for summer.
Beautiful melody and guitar playing.
Sandeep
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Yo Leo,welcome back,we missed ya man. :)
This is a lovely song,which manages to be chilled and yet have the feel of a driving song.
Your brilliant voice copes easily with the task of delivering the goods,you sound relaxed and in touch with the music. Even on first listen it's an addictive package.
Nothing for me to gripe about concerning production. The only slight let down was the sudden/clipped beginning and a similarly abrupt end. A minor detail. Good to hear your voice again Leo. :)
Congrats on hanging onto yer missus and commiserations to her for putting up with ya. :P
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Great to have you back Leo. Missed your stuff. Big nod to the Manics here. Saw them at Victorious last year and they were really superb. Considering you haven't played a real guitar on this it's top notch. As usual your vocals are absolutely excellent. This is a top top quality song mate :)
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Well I dont know why I spent a fortune on 5 guitars when I couldve bought 5 iPads instead! :)
Yes the guitar parts worked well, tho the overdriven one was a bit too nasty for the song I think..
You have such a great voice Leo, I always love to hear it... I also loved the dreamy harmonies here but then I thought they might be synth pads & not vocals after all?
Anyway this definitely has a big American feel.... driving along the Pacific Highway in a Morris Marina,.. ;D
My dad had one but it never went further than Clacton, & it was mustard colour..if you are going to be travel sick, this was the car to help you
anyway I loved the song, which I felt was a new direction for you & such a lovely topic to write about!
Its great to have you back here & I hope River is thriving & giving you lots to be happy about :)
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Oh there's that wonderful voice back - you should not withhold that from us for months at a time man :)
Nice song - lots of forward momentum - can see this playing in a rag top driving a beach road mid-summer. Is that a real drummer - sure sounds like one.
The melody line is nice too - seems a bit low for your voice early on, but soars perfectly from about the half-way point.
More please ;D ;D
Paul
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Ah yes...this is superb
Love the drums (what are they, please?) but the vocals are sitting pretty at the top of the tree...you have a really great voice!
A brilliant number...you'll be entering this for the summer competition, surely?
Excellent!
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Yeah, put the top down...
Hard to believe those aren't real guitars, especially in the breakdown around 3:10.
Loved this, the open hi hats and bass really drive it along. And it has actually made the sun come back out here in Brighton this morning...
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Hey Leo,
It's a beautiful song, perfect for driving :) The guitars sound nice, and I like the imagery of your lyrics as well. The beginning is a bit abrupt, but otherwise I think the song builds nicely.
You have a beautiful voice, real pleasure to listen to (especially Sandcastle heart & Better man on your soundcloud page ;)).
Love to hear more form you!
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Very nice song and great vocals!
Also the drummer is doing a fantastic job.
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@movin flavour Thanks very much for giving it a twirl mate. I'm so happy u like it! ;D
@skub My man, thanks so much for your positive feedback. I def agree about the abrupt start. I was thinking of having a sound effect of a sports car driving to a stop,which may have worked, but I was so bloody conscious of the 4 min mark....which I still missed! ;D
@pompeyjazz Thanks a lot mate! That's high praise coming from you sir! :-*
@Tinam Haha! Well I wish I could play the real guitar aswell as you mate, but just like monopoly, I will cheat my way to victory!!!! (Hmm..of all the analogies?! ;D)
Thanks for your kind words,I do love trying different stuff and it's places like this and artists like you and others on here that give me the confidence and inspiration to do so! So thanks to YOU! :-*
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Very nice,
Reminded me of the Stereophonics during the intro but then quickly took on a much more American flavour.
Nice vocals, they've got a very familiar feel to them. ;)
There's not much I can critique on this, it all works nicely.
Just when I was starting to think 'we need to lose the drums for a while' they disappeared around the 3 minute mark. I might be tempted to try this earlier as well. I'm also wondering whether putting the snare on every beat towards the end might add an extra bit of drive before the finale.
Just a thought.
On the whole, I enjoyed this, well put together.
Yodasdad
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Great song - love the way you took the stars images and really ran with them. Great smooth vocal (I'm not jealous) and production. I didn't really like the distortion on the guitar but that's maybe my taste and quite possibly that contrast takes this out of cliche-California-land and adds something a bit different... Very cool to have you back!
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Hi, well you hit your target just dandy.
As Paulski says Oh there's that wonderful voice back - you should not withhold that from us for months at a time man Smiley
And i too thought the key was a bit low. But love the drums and bass, just driving it along with your sweet vocals and sentiment like riding a gentle pacific swell.
:)
Neil
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To the three Pauls ;D Thanks so much for your kind words! The drums are from the GarageBand App on the iPad. It has an EXCELLENT SESSION DRUMMER feature for lots of genres that u can tweak to your hearts content. I've used it in a few of my songs now and the app costs £5 I think? I love it!
@Mverboekend Aww...thanks so much! ;D Don't worry I'm 90% finished on my next track, so hopefully there will be something new to listen to soon.
@adamfarr Thanks buddy. I appreciate that. ;D
@Yodasdad Cheers for listening mate & for your kind words. ;D
@NeilC & @Ricktrodat Thanks very much fellas for listening and for the feedback. ;D
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Hi, very good vocal. Reminded me a lot of stereophonics, in a good way! Very nice aor radio friendly sound. Who needs to learn an instrument eh? ;)
Very good,song well performed.
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi Leo,
Great vox and great song......Did someone mention not real guitars.....WTF, they sound great and like they have been played. Think i might get all my guitars on ebay....lol,
I really like the vibe of this. Got a catchy melody goin on.
Andy
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A real feelgood song with great rhythm. As others have said your voice is very sweet. I would never in a million years have guessed that those weren't real guitars. My favourite part is the vocal/keyboard (which is it? harmony over the chorus.
Could the vocal be turned up a little? Anyone else think it should be? Might just be my headphones.
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@Jamie @cawproductions and @moomond Thanks so much guys!! I appreciate the feedback! The harmony you are hearing Moomond is me singing. ( I promise!! ;D) Thanks to everyone who gave this a whirl! :)
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Hey Leo
Basically what every body else said! Lovely summer song, with nice positive lyrics. Great vocals too. I think I need that guitar app too!
James
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@Jamesh Cheers for listening mate, I appreciate it. :)
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Yes, love it!! Great tune. Got that summer vibe to it too...something reminiscent of Foo Fighters at parts but this definitely your own sound. I haven't studied the lyrics as I am making dinner as I listen but will come back to it...just want to say fab work... 8)
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Excellent Song, can easily see this winning the comp. ;D
You make it sound so easy. Certainly got that West coast
summer vibe. I'm afraid I'm not such a big fan of the guitars
as everyone else seems to be. I just think they could be a little
bit sweeter, not so dirty........just taste ;D Loved the vocal, a
joy to behold ;D Top class song....
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@Darren thank you mate! I appreciate you taking the time to listen.
@Binladeda Thank you man. Don't worry, I have had a few in other places not like the tones I used either. That's fine, I have ZERO experience with guitar tones, but to be honest I was just so excited to be able to make something with guitars that weren't guitars, if you get my meaning. ;D I think that is what people are enjoying when they say they like the guitars...that it's just £10-£15 of iPad apps making the noise.
I wish I could play the real thing though...you absolutely can't beat that! Thanks again.
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@Darren thank you mate! I appreciate you taking the time to listen.
You're very welcome! Although I did burn my toast listening to this...:P...
So yeah came back for the lyrics and I am not disappointed. I think they are superbly written and suit the tone of the music perfectly. They're very lovey but it fits (sometime it can be cheesy but not here). Those lyrics, this music = top song!!
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Hi everyone,
Feels good to be back from an 8 month break from songwriting. ;D
I wanted to write a song that felt like a "driving along the coast" kind of thang! I am NOT a guitarist & don't own one,but I did the best I could with the iPads Guitarism app linked to GarageBand & Tonestack apps.
The songs just about celebrating a successful,long term relationship. (Shout out to my wife! ;D )
All thoughts and critiques are welcome.
Thanks so much
Leo ;D
https://soundcloud.com/leo-b-5/august-rain
August Rain
Stars hold your fire
Save your luck for the wishful thinkers
We've got everything we need tonight
This ocean drive
Takes us right back to the start
After all these years have passed.
I still remember the first time we met
When you cursed the sky
Cos your hair got wet.
Chorus.
August Rain in California
As rare as the moment,sparks were gonna fly
Under that broken sky
Yeah,you thought I was only a plaything
A one night daydream
Now look where we are
We're a comet among stars
The kind of love you see once in a lifetime
This love is a once in a lifetime.
Those were the nights
Busting out of the constellation
Didn't wanna live in black and white
Your northern lights,were a midnight feast for eyes
that were going colourblind.
We were so young,now just look where we are
Cos we've come so far & it all started here under that...
Chorus
Bridge.
We keep burning through the dark
While others fade away,we still feel the same,feel the same.
Strong production! Great vocals....definitely a summer song. Perfect to drive with the top down with :)
Love the natural fullness and rasp in your voice
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Great stuff - this song is a comet amongst stars! Superb vocals and those pretend guitars are better than the real thing. Real cruising song and a lovely set of lyrics. I'd have this on the car stereo if I were driving along a coast road somewhere.
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Quality stuff and as always the vocals are the star of the show!
Love the ohhhs btw!
Totally agree with binladeda re the "dirty" guitar, I'd definitely go with a cleaner tone to fit with the vibe of the song (a nice jangly Rickenbacker would do just fine ;D).
Mix sound good, I find the separation of the kick and the bass guitar a little lacking but other than that (and the dirty guitar!) it is just fine.
The ending was kind of a surprise (and not really in a good way).
But despite these small complaints, a fab song and performance.
A strong contender for sure!
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What I like:
Lines like "Stars hold your fire", "Save your luck for the wishful thinkers", "Under that broken sky", "Your northern lights were a midnight feast", the melody, and how it all fits together.
What could be improved:
I'm not sure about the title. It isn't really the hook, but then the title doesn't always have to be the hook and I do like the title. So that's a maybe.
The production could use a little work, maybe, but that's not my area, so I can't say for sure. The ending was too abrupt, though.
Vicki
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If there hadn't been all that talk about fake guitars I would never have even thought about it.
Great cruising sound and feel so you hit your target there. Real nice chorus entry....I might have got in a few more repeats of that title line but I'm a bit obvious and I can't really fault the song so ignore me.
Just so happens I've had to listen to 2 of yours recently...both very good....for me Northern Lights shades it (though this one grew on me more with time)
Nice song indeed. Shouldn't you be more famous?