The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Mike67 on March 19, 2017, 05:14:49 PM
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Posted this in WOP a couple of weeks ago and I've now done a bit of work on the recording; tried to push the boat out a bit with this one, playing around with mixed tempos. Still a bit of work to do particularly on the guitar parts and vocals, but I'd welcome comments in particular on how i can improve the production. Still a long way to go there.
Mike
https://soundcloud.com/mike-warnes/broken-words
Broken words
Broken words and a twist of fate
The final show; one last embrace
A shallow gaze betrays the smile
Empty words forming all the while
A drop of rain that turns to stone
A wind that cuts through skin and bone
A wave that breaks and beats the ground
Broken words as the world slows down
Broken words and a twist of fate
Drift along through time and space
Patience dear, the words will kill
Lovers entwined until the world stands still
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Hey Mike,
Nice tidy lyric you have there, great imagery and has a good bounce to it whilst reading through which is always fun.
Loving the melody, that opening line got me on-board instantly.
"As the world slows down" got me all over again, great supporting music.
Production sounds fine to me, but it's not my area so unfortunately I can't be of much help.
All the best,
Scott.
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Hi!
Your song is just getting better.
The tempo changes confuses me a bit but mostly
it's that those parts seem a little empty. I know
contrast and difference in dynamics is good but
it gave me the feeling of waiting in line. Waiting
for that good vocal part.
I think you've filled the 'room' well. Up front percussion.
Voice somewhere in the middle with a nice reverb.
Ambient and not so ambient guitars. (Love the distorted
one).
Cheers,
- Martin
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Hi Mike.
Remember Snowy White,Bird of Paradise?
This song has a similar vibe,with lovely chilled guitar tones interweaving and interplaying.
I love the desolate,dreamy lyrics because I'm a miserable sod at heart.
Lovely work Mike. 8)
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Thanks for the comments guys - I'll keep at it.
Hi Mike.
Remember Snowy White,Bird of Paradise?
This song has a similar vibe,with lovely chilled guitar tones interweaving and interplaying.
I love the desolate,dreamy lyrics because I'm a miserable sod at heart.
Lovely work Mike. 8)
Hadn't heard Bird of Paradise - have now - stunning track, and it's given me some ideas re this one. Cheers.
Mike
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Oh I say! That section at 1:40 onwards ...."as the world slows down" and then the guitar, brill! Wish I'd written that. Can't fault the production. Guitar work is fab. My favourite song of the month so far. Really, really, good. Thanks for creating this Mike67.
Steng
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Yes, I like this a lot Mike and you can tell that you've put a lot of work into it. Lovely dreamy feel to the song and the vocals have just the right amount of effects on them. Love it when the heavier guitar kicks in. Can see the comparisons to Snowy White but think this has your unique stamp all over it. A very good piece of work IMO :)
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Hi,
Nice track Mike.
I think you've done a pretty good job of the production here, I can't suggest much.
The only things I would say are, the guitar that comes in at 0:50 is slightly out of time and the snare at 2:00 sounds a little dry and detached compared to everything else which is awash with reverb.
This didn't really detract from my enjoyment though.
Good work
Yodasdad
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This is very good!...melancholy but full of ghostly suspense & tension,
with some lovely guitar playing & great bass aswell ... you create a fab sound..
i didnt totally get the lyrics, I suppose its lovers & treachery but they certainly sounded at home in the music & you sang really well ...i noticed you had rain in this like your last one so make the most of it while you can becos I want a lovely hot summer without any! ok :)
i forgot to say my fave bit was when the loud guitar chords came in...actually thats probably my fave bit in every song! ;D
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Hi,
I really like the suspenseful intro and its really impressive how you start driving the track and pull it back again, seamlessly
Also the production sounds pretty cool to me - as do your vocals.
Great job
Phil
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Thanks for the kind words guys. Still tweaking and learning loads as I go...really enjoying the process, but so much work!
Mike
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I know I'm not qualified to say so, but I think the production sounds great! I would be in heaven if I could do so well.
Your voice suits this song so well; it has a haunting sound that is perfect.
The endings of some of the words are still missing, but I think I can hear improvement there. I'm pretty sure I could have understood what all the words were, even if I hadn't been following along with the printed lyrics. The most noticeable words were "fate" (fay) and "embrace" (embray). Both of those would be easy to fix.
Beautiful song, great for "enjoying" a melancholy mood. ;D
Vicki
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Enjoyed this very much. The lyrics have good use of sounds (the long "a" sound in particular) which I really like.
Nice ebbing and flowing - I think that's what they call prosody, when everything supports the theme of the song in that way! Great atmosphere you created.
Like Vicky I noticed some of the words disappearing at times - apart from the phrasing and delivery, some fader automation could also help with this, just to bring up the levels temporarily on key words or ones that are swamped a bit by other tracks...
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Thanks Adam. Still working on it - got a new jazzy intro thing going on - but I'm hoping to get it mastered soon, which should help the sound massively.
Mike
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I enjoyed listening to this
it's interesting, refreshingly unpredictable
good lyrics are almost always a must for me, and there they are.
the third verse isn't as good as the other two (for me).
but generally I'm delighted that one with your particular skills has joined the forum.
Keep 'em coming! Rightly
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Thanks Rightly. If you have ideas for the 3rd verse, I be happy to consider them.
Mike
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Sounds fine as is..very good song and mood, nice instrumentation...maybe some harmonies but..hey..great stuff!! :) :)
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Sorry to bump, but I've done a fair amount of work on this, including new intro and outro and re-recorded other parts. Still need to redo vocals, but I'd welcome views, particularly on things I can improve. No need to post if you think it's OK.
Mike
https://soundcloud.com/mike-warnes/broken-words
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Well I feel the need to post and tell you what fine job you've done.... :) :)
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I really really like this one...it just has something about it that hit the spot for me.
and I think your voice suits the song perfectly
excellent stuff :)
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I really like the feel...nice sound. The heavier treatment in verse 2 works fine too. Interesting the way the ends of the verses kind of end openly with the melody you've got there ending on the fifth....hang a bit in the air not quite resolving. Interesting, I mean, how it colours the song.
Made me think of LOVE amongst others...must be that gentle vocal! Might be that hanging melody line too!
Sounds fab.
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Interesting the way the ends of the verses kind of end openly with the melody you've got there ending on the fifth....hang a bit in the air not quite resolving
I don't know enough theory to plan, so the songs are coming organically. Can't claim to being clever on this one.
Thanks for the kind words guys.
Mike
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Hi, enjoyed this. Like the contrast in the arrangement it kept changing and holding the attention. Production sounds fine to me.
Nice one!
Jamie
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Nice mellow song.....that turns into something more epic, and with more drama attached. Love the lead work on the guitar. The percussion is a bit ear-catching, however.......hard to explain, but it's a bit distracting in some places.
Anyways, all-in-all, it's a gem. I particularly liked the melody in this 8)
Good stuff, Mike
-Tom
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Really enjoyed this listen, and the additions/changes since the first listen at WIP stage. (Although loved that too.)
Very memorable. Cleverly understated yet powerful, if that makes sense. Ebb and flow - yes, in agreement with Adam on that. And yes, an ever so slight timing thing happening between the guitars and drums at end but the melodies are just FAB. And its such a beautiful guitar outro.
Top marks from me. :)
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what a great tone on the guitar. I like the chorus very much. I'm not too keen on the drum sound it seems a bit tinny. Some really really great guitar parts. There is plenty of variation to keep me interested. The music goes perfectly with the song for me. A very enjoyable listen.
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Yep - i also think this is an impressive song. Lyrics are superb. Very atmospheric - almost mystical. The music is also atmospheric and the production is of a high standard. Cant offer any meaningful guidance here im afraid. Just happy to listen to the music.
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As others have said before me, nice work!! Nice production quality, lyrics are solid. Honestly, wasn't sure if I'd like the sound at first but was pleasantly surprised, some of the guitar parts are quite nice.
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Cool song - good lyrics - great atmosphere going on.
Good quality production - Retro feel but not dated.
Good Work.
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I'd welcome comments in particular on how i can improve the production.
I think you have done a great job on the production
Things I would do are:
Tidy up the timing at 0.54 to get a cleaner start
The drums sound awesome - I would just spend a bit of time on the KICK drum and BASS guitar for 2 things
1 - make sure they are "locked together" timing wise, there were sections in the song where they were playing the same pattern, which sounded great - but there were also sections where the bass guitar was playing differently from the kick so the low end of the track lost some impact
This is symptomatic of using drum loops where it is difficult to change the timing of certain elements within a loop (eg the kick drum)
If this is the case you may want to look at programming your own beats using a drum VST (or simply aligning individual samples). It is more effort but you can then vary the patterns however you want
2 - use "complimentary EQ" on the KICK and BASS so that each element has its own "space" - eg if you like the thump of the kick drum at a certain frequency - CUT this frequency from the bass track and then do the opposite for a frequency you like in the bass guitar track (cutting it from the kick track)
Doing both of these things will give the track a more solid foundation on which to build
If I was being ultra picky and I was producing you in the studio (and as you have asked how to improve) I would say that you have a very hard "attack" with the guitar pick so some of the notes (eg on the intro guitar lick) sound a little "dead" - I would have asked you to try another take with a smoother and more laid back approach to see if it improved the guitar sound and feel, especially for the intro section
The rest of the track sounds great and I love the timing changes and "tension" holds, which are perfectly released
Overall it is a cracking song with an excellent production
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Thanks for the advice, Boydie. Lost this recording with my laptop recently - ordered a new one, and thanks for the tip on that too! I'll be breaking my link with Apple and Garageband, so an opportunity to try a different software. I see the song being more piano based and soulful, so will try that approach next time.
Thanks to everyone for the kind words and advice on this one.
Mike
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If you are going PC based then I recommend Cakewalk SONAR - but there are plenty to choose from!