The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Steng on February 27, 2017, 09:30:26 PM
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I'm an atheist and don't believe in life after death. However after I lost my son in 2010, it made me think.
I've just finished this song and would be interested in views, particularly the mix and if you think the analogue drum machine vibe works. I have a thing about these 80s sounding drums at the moment...can't help it :) Obviously any feedback is welcome. Thanks for listening.
Steng
https://soundcloud.com/steve-cardus/angel-heart
I draped the tree with lights
So if you’re searching for home
It can be your guide
The doors open
Come sit next to me
Well tell me stories
Or just let me hear you breathe
Jo’ said she dreamt you were there
I saw your face in the clouds
Pareidolia phenomenon
Messin’ with my eyes
If you really sit next to me
Please do something I can see
You’ve got an angel heart, let me hear it
Let me hear it
The doors open
Come sit next to me
Well tell me stories
Or just let me hear you breathe
Jo’ said she dreamt you were there
I don’t believe in the afterlife
But with your psychic powers
You could change my mind
You’ve got an angel heart, let me hear it
You’ve got an angel heart, let me hear it
You’ve got an angel heart, let me hear it
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Tough subject to write about Steng and I really admire you for putting this out here. You can pick up the emotion in the song. Nothing wrong with the drums IMO. They sort of add a hypnotic effect to the whole song. Different drums would make the song sound totally different but I think you might lose the effect. There's some very good dynamics going on as well and interesting chord changes. I really liked it.
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Really tough subject and you've done a great job.
I think the tightness of the drums works really well to give structure to the guitar work (which, by the way is really exceptional: you can really feel the emotion in your playing ) . Also really like the fade at the end.
Excellent contribution, thanks for posting
Kevin
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Hey Steng.
Heartbreaking song,man.
As John said,the drums give the track a dreamlike,trance effect which works well with the topic.
Some of the guitar passages remind me of Robbie Robertson's style of playing.
I've always wondered how Clapton was able to perform Tears in Heaven in a live situation. I understand the actual writing and recording is part of the healing process,but I've written songs from a position of hurt that I'd never get though live.
Thanks for sharing Steng.
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Wow man, powerful stuff. I can't imagine what it's like to write such lyrics.
Production wise, it's spot on in my opinion. Great dynamics maintained without any obvious squashing. The guitar parts I particularly thought fit the song perfectly and I love the tone you got. Your voice is emotive and haunting. The drums work well for me.
Brilliant song Mr Steng.
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that is tripped out and freaky. i like it. beyond what this means to you, it is accessible to a lot of people in my opinion.
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Can't imagine writing something like this, but you've done an amazing job. Lyrics are great, chord changes are great, and there's a real atmosphere. Listened to another of yours on soundcloud, and clearly you have a genuine talent for this.
Mike
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Guys I'm really blown away by the feedback, thanks!
Pompey - I'm pleased the emotion showed and you liked the drums, i thought they fitted and their use allowed me to get a fix of those 80s drum machine sounds I'm into right now - cheers.
Kevin - Thanks for the feedback. I never thought about what the drums were doing until you mentioned it, you're right they allow some meandering with the guitar, but it still feels tight..... and thanks for the positives on the guitar work, I want desperately to be a good player.
Skub - I haven't ever really listened to Robbie Robertson, maybe a track or two, so I'll search him out. I have seen Clapton do Tears in Heaven and thought the same as you. Writing songs to Jack and about him is therapeutic - keeps him closer - having a conversation with him through music is as close as I can get - I get sort of divorced from the emotion when writing, it's only when I listen to what's been created that it hits me and I may shed a tear.
Bill - For a song of mine to be called brilliant made my day! Thanks man!
Mikek - tripped out and freaky ;D I'm liking that description a lot! Thanks.
Mike67 - Thanks so much for the great feedback Mike, I toiled for ages trying to get the lyrics right and to get a melody that sounded right over the chords, got there in the end though. It's taught me to keep going back if there's a block - new day new possibilities. Thanks also for sampling something else of mine on soundcloud, means a lot.
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A very emotional song. First rate guitar playing and beautiful words.
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brought tears to my eyes..fab guitar work, brave song..
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Agree with Pompeyjazz, the drums change how this song feels. It's an interesting combination, emotive yet trancelike. There's a lovely subtlety to the arrangement and the lyrics. I can't comment properly on the mix as my good speakers have broken on me.
Well done, I adore music that takes emotional courage to produce, it invariably shows through and this is no exception. Also thank you for teaching me the word pareidolia!
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really like this
the beat, the guitars, the lyrics, the voice
laid back, smooth groove.
it's often the case with songs I like - I can't suggest you change anything to improve it.
I'm looking forward to hearing more from you.
Rightly
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Wow, I'm sure you're not here for sympathy but I'm sorry that you had reason to write a song like this.
I too think the drums work in this setting.
I enjoyed the mix of the guitars, particularly the wide stereo effect.
It has been compared to 'Tears in heaven' and whilst there are similarities in terms or the subject this feels like a dirtier, raw'er more gritty version to me.
I think occasionally the vocals were a little on the quiet side but apart from that, good stuff.
Yodasdad
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I like the vibe of this song but I do think the vocals could be up slightly
cheers
Lilly
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Everything everyone's already said above, Steng. I think those drums are brilliant, as is the rest of the instrumentation.
If this wasn't such a delicate song for you, I think you could promote it as a soundtrack for a ghost film. But it is very deeply personal, obviously, and you should be proud of the way you've managed to come to terms with what must have been an awful time for you.
Strength, mate.
cheers,
L
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Hi Steng.
As others have mentioned Much respect for writing this song. I Won't dwell on the emotional aspect of it, I did want to comment on the music. So the opening guitar riff is totally awesome. You could build any number of great songs from that. In fact all the guitar work on this song is fabulous as are the vocals.
I've got a major problem with the drums and disagree with the others on this forum. I think they let the rest of the song down. Appreciate the effect you are going for here but they just offset the tone too much for me and get irritating to listen almost from the get go. Too tinny and hissy. When you have these deep rich guitar sounds going on, the tinny drums ruin it for me.
I personally think the drums should be more minimalist slacker rock in style. I've mentioned before I think your style reminds me of Pavement and they use this style of drumming very effectively in a lot of their songs. Have a listen to them if you are curious to know what I mean. Brighten the Corners is the album I would recommend.
Cheers Micky.
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Thanks everyone for your thoughtful and critical feedback. It seems like the drums are a thumbs up from the majority. The seed of the song began with those drums and the opening riff and I found it trancelike and 'trippy' so stuck with it. I know 100% how a change of drums can completely transform a song, I've done it myself a few times and wow doesn't it change the mood and the emphasis. I know what you're saying Mr Plankton, but I think I will stick with what's down. I checked out Pavement and the "corners" album is excellent, not sure how they slipped by my all these years! ...and thanks for the kind words on the riff and vocals.
There are are couple of instances where I have deliberately lowered the vocal volume, to add a bit of emotion and atmosphere, but I will deffo have a look to see if I can tweak them up if necessary elsewhere.
Moomond I have used "vuvuzela" in one song a while back and now "Pareidolia" so feeling pretty much an expert linguist right now ;D thanks to Mr Butterworth the English teacher at my school who I suspect would be very surprised indeed at my transformation.
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A very sad but very nice song with lots of excellent guitar playing. I like the feel of the track and the tone of the guitar.
Scaw
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Hi, can only agree with others comments about the emotion expressed. Like the guitar sounds they really stood out for me!
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi Steng,
Beautiful song about a very delicate topic. I really admire your bravery writing about this. Great guitar work as well :)
I have a thought about the mix. I think the drum track itself works, but I feel the bass is not quite filling in for that groove. Since I see that the decision to keep the drums has been made I'd suggest exploring options with the bass.
Cheers,
Joaquin
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Scaw, Jamie, Joaquin thanks for the feedback guys, much appreciated. Joaquin, yeah you're right, the bass is somewhat neglected. There is an E drone here and there but listening again I agree it could do with a touch. Not sure if I can slot much in without muddying the overall mix though. I shall experiment.
Steng
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Hello Steng,
I don’t mind the drums at all , they certainly have their own unique charm.
The acoustic rhythm guitar sounds very good. I’ve only heard 2 of your songs but think that your rhythm guitar style is very god. The drier vocal sounds great, cutting nicely through the mix and the lyrics, are exceptional.
Well done
Paul
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I hate drums-that-are-not-drums but to my surprise they work brilliantly here. Go figure.... To me they are a little bit to up front in the mix though just a tad (esp the hi hat). A little more bass would not heart either and up a tad with the vocals I'd say. Heartbreakingly beautiful lyrics. Lovely guitar. Fab job!
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The drums work for me, the words are excellent, and the guitar picking throughout flows perfectly. I can't really add anything to all the comments by others. This is one of my favorites. Everything about it seems perfect to me for the subject matter. A really wonderful tribute to your son.
Vicki
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Paul, Jambrains, Vicki, thanks for the great feedback. I'm not a time served songwriter, still very "green" so to get such positive comments is a real buzz. The song means a lot as you know, so it makes me feel proud that people who are writers themselves think it's good.
Jambrains, I must ditch my lazy head and do the tweaks folks have mentioned, just to finish it off.
Cheers
Steng
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Interesting premise, Steng! Great concept. the lyrics are interesting, as well. The music creates a "Jim Morrison" like atmosphere, which is cool 8). The recording is so-so (kinda lo-fi) but that doesn't make it bad.....just not what I expected ;)
All in all, it's a unique piece and a testament to your creativity!
Good stuff!
-Tom
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Hi Steng,
Really like the soundscape.
Drums work for me in general. Thought the Hi Hat sound was a touch loud (but I'm not a fan of cymbal sounds in general).
Nice grit in the guitars.
Tough write, well put together.
Digger