The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Wicked Deeds on February 11, 2017, 08:04:10 PM
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There's an updated version of Liverpool 1, with added guitar and spoken word. :)
https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/liverpool-1-4
I've just started to write and record again after a long absence. This is my first extended production for almost 1-2 years. Liverpool 1 was inspired by the beautiful lady that I met after the end of my marriage. The back-drop to our story was her home town of Liverpool and the wonderful days that we spent together in the Liverpool 1 area of her home city. I used to take the train to Moorfields and meet my partner from work or alternatively, we'd travel into Liverpool together. There's a reference in the lyrics to a busker who sang the famous Beatles song 'All my loving' - 'A busker sings a song of love, the words I've heard before. Quite appropriate as we walked the streets of Liverpool on our way to The Cavern where we danced and sang to some of our favourite songs. Mostly, this is about leaving the past behind after the heartbreak of a failed marriage and meeting a beautiful lady a year later. I'm especially pleased with the lyrics: 'Music plays, rhythm swings. The band commence, the singer sings'.
Miraculously, I was able to sing the vocal which, was at the top of my range. Thank you so much Boydie for your kind offer of helping out with software to help me reach that note.
Paul
https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/liverpool-1-4
Liverpool 1
The train arrives at Liverpool,
I've got my baby by my side.
She wears a look that says her love is mine
then, my heart explodes with pride.
It's Liverpool 1, the past has gone.
It's Liverpool 1 and we move on.
A busker sings a song of love,
the words I've heard before.
The city comes alive and I reflect
How we've opened up a door.
It's Liverpool 1, the past has gone.
It's Liverpool 1 and we move on.
Music plays, rhythm swings.
The band commence, the singer sings
It's Liverpool 1, the past has gone.
It's Liverpool 1 and we move on.
Written by Paul Vasey (c)
https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/liverpool-1-4/s-v4SiT
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Hi Paul
An uplifting song full of optimism for the future - I am sure I can hear the happiness and optimism in your voice. I know where you're coming from. Production wise, all sounds good to me. Guess I was waiting for an instrumental break at some point- I'm sure you could embellish it further with a little noodle!
Anyway, a very enjoyable listen, and it's stuck in my head after a couple of listens through. Really liked it. And I won't stoop to say I was waiting to hear "it's Liverpool 1 Arsenal 0" 😉
Bill
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Yo Paul.
The song has a fine groove,I'm loving the prominent bass driving the whole thing.
Lovely sound and I hope the overall process has been cathartic,so now good things happen.
I'm of a similar opinion as Bill,my fingers were itching to insert a swift 4 bar solo..but that's just me and don't make it right. :D
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Hi Paul. So glad you've for back on the songwriting train again. This is very uplifting. Reminds me a lot of some Liverpool bands in the 80s. Its a short piece and personally would have liked a drop out section before a final repeat of that brilliant ultra catchy chorus :)
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I'm so pleased to receive the reviews above. I can see my thoughts re the direction for this are shared. It will be quite easy to extend this and play a guitar solo. Question is, should I play out with a guitar solo, or bring the chorus back in after the solo. Once I've done that, Ill add backing vocals too. Thanks for the comments, they will play an important role in shaping the direction of Liverpool1.
Paul
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Paul, Deffo a big fab double chorus :)
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Paul, A song with Liverpool in the title is always a winner! Great tune. Agree with Pompey on the Liverpool bands reference - I was thinking Shack. I love the way the melody on the verse doesn't follow the obvious track and the way the final lines are delivered is brill - sort of Prefab Sproutesque. Nice work. I think I will try some slight melodic swerves on my next tune, they add a lot of interest. Cheers.
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Paul. Great work. Love how you write a perfectly good pop song and deliver it in just over 2 minutes. Of course you could lengthen it, but I say no need. It's a nice nugget of pop. I would suggest two minor alterations to the vocal melody. The words "pride" and "door" in my view would sound much better if they were one note higher. This is because the melody is soaring up at that point and this would enable the melody to reach the level it's naturally moving towards. It's just a small suggestion that I think would make a much cleaner and catchier conclusion to those lines.
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Lovely stuff. The backing all working well and that last verse line integrated with the verse but also acting as a Pre-chorus.
Almost the best thing for me is the title: Liverpool: 1, The Past: Nil. Or even the person that is "the one" from Liverpool.
Simple and really conveys the feeling. Yes, it could definitely go on half a minute longer!
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Hi!
I have no geographical references to cities in England so location wise
London, Manchester or Liverpool are, and no offense meant, pretty much
the same. I'm sure you'd agree about Umeå, Ystad and Gothemburg. :)
The song has an airy freshness about it. Really good!
Yes an instrumental break or solo, I'd say on a verse after the second
chorus, would give it a more 'conventional' feel. Also the guitar(s) could
be a bit dirtier a TS(9) with the gain at about 5 or so.
The vocals are good but I'd like a little less treble and more 'body'.
You wrote that it is in your upper range but I think it works really good.
A bit more volume on the vocals would do it good. The cymbals sounds
like they are mixed higher.
Great song!
- Martin
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Hi Paul,
Solid write.
I think I'd go for the solo after singing "It's Liverpool one" at the beginning of the last chorus, I'd play the solo in place of the next lines of the chorus, then perhaps come back in with another repeat of the chorus.
Good to hear you in fine fettle.
Digger
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I'm quite overwhelmed by the generous comments from everyone. I now have several points to consider as I think about steering this one home. :)
Thank you
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Hi,
Great treatment of a personal situation. I guess it proves the point that writing from the heart produces the 'real deal' in terms of engaging the listener, which for me you have done here with real style.
Memorable melodies and a nice clear vocal.
Would like to hear a longer version...
Phil
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Phil
Thanks for your kind comments Phil. I've since revisited this song and made several changes. Including changing several mistakes. I will eventually repost but at the moment, I am locked in battle with Logic X which behaves so differently to Logic 8.
Thanks again for your kind review.
Paul
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A well written song - the verse and a memorable chorus working well together and lyrics coming from the heart. Production sounds good - a full sound and nothing I can comment on there.
My only gripe is that it's too short - I could imagine an instrumental/solo coming in towards were it ends, perhaps with some strings to lift it up high before dropping back down to another couple of choruses to end....
But all in all, a winner I would say. And good to hear you've returned to the songwriting again!! :)
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Hello Tim,
thank you for reviewing Liverpool 1. I've updated the file to add guitar and spoken word. Its not quite finished. I will add backing vocals and maybe a little more guitar, possibly on the outro. I will mix and master this further once I've conquered Logic X. It's still fairly short approximately 2 minutes and 30 seconds - I like that :-)
https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/liverpool-1-4
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Well....I gotta say, that this has grown on me. The music and sound reminds me of an artist that was pretty big, for a short while in the 80's. I can't remember his name, for the life of me. Hot stuff, in the day....was up there in popularity with Al Stewart.
Anyways......you have a smart sound and I like the song ;)
-Tom
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Nice to see you back at it again, Paul :) I've missed your distinctive voice and song writing style :)
I love this track and the story it tells...the lyrics are really well written :)
The spoken bits, add another dimension, that really enhances the story :o
I'd love to hear that guitar come in as a solo, as has been suggested :)
Everything sounds perfect to me! Excellent production :)
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super chorus..just reckon you should add a few more voices in the final chorus...
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Hi, good song, it reminded me especially the vocals of a a Glasgow band whose name I can't remember. They had a song with the line ' from Westwood to Hollywood' in a hit of theirs. Production pretty good, you obviously know your way around a daw.
Good stuff!
Cheers
Jamie
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The bass and drums rhythm works so well to create a solid rhythm for this song that carries the whole piece.
Lyrics are nice, tell a sweet story. I agree with you, the bridge lyrics are my favourite.
Production is solid, can't hear anything out of place.
The vocal delivery on the chorus feels a little jarring to me. The strong delivery of "it's Liverpool 1" to the almost whisper of "the past has gone" is a bit disjointed, would just like an inch more punch on the follow-up line so it doesn't get lost in the mix as much.
Also think the spoken parts become overpowering. If they were a touch or two quieter I think they would work a lot better.
Overall though, such a good song with a catchy hook - and bear in mind I'm not well-versed in this kinda genre so take my comments with a pinch of salt if you may.
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Thank you again for the comments about Liverpool 1. I do read and listen to them all. Behind the scenes, I'm busy tweaking and making alterations based on what reviewers have said. I'd say that I come to a compromise between everyone's ideas and my own without making extreme changes. That's largely because once I have the main ingredients on my DAW, inevitably it is quite a big production and I feel that major surgery is very difficult. It's not that I have excessive numbers of instruments but that I'm always cutting up parts of tracks and making adjustments to very small sections so a new track is required. I sometimes become a little overawed at the task in front of me. I've tweaked 'Liverpool 1' until my ears bled. It is 99% there. There's an annoying little blip on the acoustic guitar solo track and the obsessive part of my nature wants to replay it. I'm also thinking about lowering the volume of the intro chords but I want to put this song to bed. so I think I have now arrived at the definitive mix, barring more attention to mastering in the future. :)
https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/liverpool-1-4
Thomas -
thank you for reviewing. I've adjusted volumes re the spoken word sections - once again, it's a compromise with what I wanted to achieve and your suggestion. :-)
Jamie -
Westwood to Hollywood was from 'Somewhere In My Heart' by Aztec Camera who really are a chap called 'Roddy Frame'. He's one of my favourite songwriters and certainly my all-time favourite guitarist.
Shadowfax, thank you so much. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed the chorus. :-)
thank you so much suzy :-)
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Hi,
Great to hear you're back and recording again. This is a superb piece of work - right up my street. It's literate, sensitive, clever but not up itself. Beautifully sung, played and produced. The explanation you gave helped me enjoy the song more. I wanted more of that exquisite acoustic guitar break though :-(
The sheer talent shines through.
M
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Hi Paul
Ah yes - now I remember your great sound!
Loved this - everything about it.
Behold a chorus that lifts like a chorus should! ;D ;D
You stay true to that great hook throughout and the arrangement and length were perfect |IMHO.
Good work
Paul
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Thanks Monty, I first thought that this was crying out for an electric guitar solo to cut through the mix and support the idea that this is an upbeat song but I love to play acoustic and so this is more suited to my style of playing. Great to hear that you enjoyed the song and that the background story enhanced the listening experience.
thanks
Paul
Hey Paul
thank you for listening and reviewing Liverpool 1 :)
Paul