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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: ecasasmusic on January 26, 2017, 12:30:05 AM
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https://youtu.be/dFO3PbR4mPw (https://youtu.be/dFO3PbR4mPw)
This is a song I wrote, inspired by Stephen Kings's book The Dark Tower- Wizard and Glass.
It's a very brief way to tell the story, which is romantic but tragic at the same time.
I recorded it in my home studio, except drums (recorded in a proffesional studio and then mixed at home).
Ingrid is the singer, Alvaro is the drummer, and I play all other instruments.
I hope you like it.
The lyrics:
A story was told a long time ago when
Roland was fourteen and got his guns
And he’ll never forget the days of believing
That he would be safe from the wizard and glass
Susan was returning from her visit to the witch
She was forced to marry the old mayor of the town but she
Deserved to be free
Roland met her and they rode together on his horse
Trying to deny their feelings only led to get things worse
Starting a war.
At night in my nightmares I always remember
People from this town telling lies
And I’ll never forget the days of believing
That we would be safe from the wizard and glass
The mayor was found murdered, they threw Roland into jail
Susan came to free her love, the crystal ball discovered her
The witch could see them
People from the village planned to do a sacrifice
The offering for harvest would be Susan on a burning pyre
She wouldn’t survive
Come on now, come on now
Come on, save Susan, Roland (x4)
Wizard and glass (x2)
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Very professionally written and performed, and excellent video. This has an interesting "folk rock" feel and the vocalist has echoes of Grace Slick.
Excellent work, well done!
Kevin
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Hi ecasamusic
Remember to review other members submissions. Those who do not review other songs will find that their own songs tend to get ignored - or even deleted without warning.
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Hey, very good...like it. ;)
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A lovely celtic feel going on. Fine playing and performance.
I loved the gunslinger books too. :)
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great song. really like how it starts and builds. if i was to critique it, i would say that its a bit of a mash up of different styles and perhaps it would work better as an out and out hard rock tune or a folkier number. at the moment its somewher in between. id love to hear this live where you really go for it as a band. turn it up to number 11. thats what i say!!!
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Hi
A Really enjoyable listen augmented with a well edited video. I read the lyrics before listening and wondered how this could work in a song, but it all fits nicely. I agree it's a mix of styles but overall I think it works. I don't know the story, and the lyrics may mean more for those who have read the book. Have the made a film of it yet?
Really well performed and recorded too.
James
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Such an interesting song with some nice licks and a killer vocal - her accent really augments the overall ethereal quality that the lyric evokes.
I agree with the comments above that it seems to move from folk to heavy rock and back again, but I don't think that's a bad thing.
Reminds me a bit of Steeleye Span from the 70s...maybe Yes in places. Very prog-rock vibe anyway.
cheers,
L
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Very professionally written and performed, and excellent video. This has an interesting "folk rock" feel and the vocalist has echoes of Grace Slick.
Excellent work, well done!
Kevin
Thank you Kevin. Grace is an excellent reference.
Hi ecasamusic
Remember to review other members submissions. Those who do not review other songs will find that their own songs tend to get ignored - or even deleted without warning.
I agree... I usually do it when I participate in forums, but things requiere some time... I did it when I found time.
Hey, very good...like it. ;)
Thanks!
A lovely celtic feel going on. Fine playing and performance.
I loved the gunslinger books too. :)
I am so in love with those books that I am composing an entire concept album inspired by them. Thank you.
great song. really like how it starts and builds. if i was to critique it, i would say that its a bit of a mash up of different styles and perhaps it would work better as an out and out hard rock tune or a folkier number. at the moment its somewher in between. id love to hear this live where you really go for it as a band. turn it up to number 11. thats what i say!!!
Well, that mix was intentional. I am more a rock musician but I wanted to start with a folkie sound and make it harder step by step through the song. Thank you for the opinion.
Hi
A Really enjoyable listen augmented with a well edited video. I read the lyrics before listening and wondered how this could work in a song, but it all fits nicely. I agree it's a mix of styles but overall I think it works. I don't know the story, and the lyrics may mean more for those who have read the book. Have the made a film of it yet?
Really well performed and recorded too.
James
Thank you, James. They are making a film and also a TV series. The TV series will tell the part of the story that I told in my song.
Such an interesting song with some nice licks and a killer vocal - her accent really augments the overall ethereal quality that the lyric evokes.
I agree with the comments above that it seems to move from folk to heavy rock and back again, but I don't think that's a bad thing.
Reminds me a bit of Steeleye Span from the 70s...maybe Yes in places. Very prog-rock vibe anyway.
cheers,
L
It's interesting that many people have detected a prog-rock vibe in this song, the funny thing is that I didn't intend to do that but it is true that I am really a prog-rock musician (when I don't write vocal songs I usually compose progressive instrumental rock), so I suppose that my influences are noticed in everything I do. Thank you,
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Hi from Granada... Enjoyed this one. I have to say that I have no idea about the story and if I'm honest it's not really my style (I do quite like some Stephen King so I may be missing out!).
I believe you're open to linguistic suggestions so if I may be so bold, I'd say "only led to get things worse" is not 100% natural. I'd normally say "only led to things getting worse" or to keep the syllable count "only served to make things worse". Hope that's OK - your English lyrics are otherwise faultless.
Definitely some folky stylings going on here - maybe something Galician? I really hope you take the time to be around the forum as I'm sure you'd have a lot to give (different influences, recording techniques, instrumentation...) and receive of course...
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Like others have said, I like the folk/rock style mix. I think it builds up to a nice sort of crescendo.
Lyric-wise, I agree with adamfarr's suggestion, and I'd also add that 'do a sacrifice' should be 'make a sacrifice'.
Two things about the vocal - one, I think the singing style is perfect. It's exciting and fun to listen to. The other is the clarity of the articulation, which would be my one reservation - I couldn't really figure out what the story was until I read the lyrics. That's probably to do with the accent, I don't know if it's something you should worry about - it's no different to a lot of great songs out there in that respect. I just notice it because I'm someone who likes to pick out the story from a song.
Really solid overall!
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Hi from Granada... Enjoyed this one. I have to say that I have no idea about the story and if I'm honest it's not really my style (I do quite like some Stephen King so I may be missing out!).
I believe you're open to linguistic suggestions so if I may be so bold, I'd say "only led to get things worse" is not 100% natural. I'd normally say "only led to things getting worse" or to keep the syllable count "only served to make things worse". Hope that's OK - your English lyrics are otherwise faultless.
Definitely some folky stylings going on here - maybe something Galician? I really hope you take the time to be around the forum as I'm sure you'd have a lot to give (different influences, recording techniques, instrumentation...) and receive of course...
Thank you for the detailed critique. Yes, it's clear that English is not my main language, and also the lyrics are often limited by the musical context... I think "only served to make thing worse" is a great improvement and fits the melody very well. Thanks.
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Like others have said, I like the folk/rock style mix. I think it builds up to a nice sort of crescendo.
Lyric-wise, I agree with adamfarr's suggestion, and I'd also add that 'do a sacrifice' should be 'make a sacrifice'.
Two things about the vocal - one, I think the singing style is perfect. It's exciting and fun to listen to. The other is the clarity of the articulation, which would be my one reservation - I couldn't really figure out what the story was until I read the lyrics. That's probably to do with the accent, I don't know if it's something you should worry about - it's no different to a lot of great songs out there in that respect. I just notice it because I'm someone who likes to pick out the story from a song.
Really solid overall!
Yes, I agree that there are parts of the song that lack that clarity. Ingrid speaks English rather well but in certain moments of that particular recording she didn't finish some words perfectly. However I liked her performance very much and didn't give too much relevance to that detail, but for English-speaking people I guess that some lines may be difficult to understand. Thank you for your comments.
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While I agree with Adam et al about the odd phrasing and the suggestions for improvement, I actually think it really works in this song. You guys are obviously of Latin origin and both your lyrics and Ingrid's enunciation reflect that. I think that actually complements what I earlier described as the ethereal, earthy quality of the song.
Abba had some pretty odd phrasing at times and Agnetha had some notorious strange enunciation on occasion. It didn't ruin their chances at all! And Bjorn speaks perfect English...
cheers,
L
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Thank you, Laquila. English is the perfect language for rock music in my opinion, so we will keep making songs this way, despite our limitations. I am glad that tou liked it.
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For people interested in the song I posted in this thread:
This is a new song from this same project, this time with a different male singer.
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Hi,
Well produce and enjoyable rocky thing, all played really well, with the singer having a clear vocals which I liked.
Then it all lifts off for me when the decending chords 'come on' now parts and the lead into the solo.
Thanks for sharing.
:)
neil
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Yeah nice Rocky thing (Neil Quote) :)
Got a traditional rock ballad sound...i used to love this sort of music back in the day...any one remember Dark Star
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Crikey, that was good! I really like the folk-rock feel, reminded me a bit of Fairport Convention and a bit of Jefferson Airplane, both of which I love. Your singer has a truly stunning voice and the guitar recording is crystal clear perfect. Ace stuff. I don't know the story but I tend to like it when bands record tracks about mythical stories (it worked for Led Zepp anyway!) so it worked for me lyrically too. Really impressive piece of work - I have no suggestions, other than that you record some more...
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HI! If you liked this video, this is the whole conceptual álbum that included that song:
https://eduardocasas.bandcamp.com/album/the-dark-tower (https://eduardocasas.bandcamp.com/album/the-dark-tower)
You will find it also on spotify, itunes, amazon…
Thank you.
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by the way, thank you for the comments, I forgot to answer some of them at that time!
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Welcome to this forum :) I totally enjoyed listening to this song. I like the way it morphs between the folk and rock. I don't know this story but you tell it well and it keeps my interest. There is the odd line that sounds a little awkward in the English language, but you know that already and have had some good suggestions :) the singer has a lovely clear voice and the whole track is produced very professionally :)
Who did the video? It's very good as well. Thanks for sharing :)
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Thank you! I made the video using images from The Dark Tower comics.
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@ecasasmusic (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20882) - Welcome to the forum.
I dig this one, takes me back to a barn gig in Oxfordshire in the mid '70's where I saw a few bands playing stuff like this, "Redwood" was one of them, don't know what happened to them, smelled of patculi oil, and there were a lot of beards and long hair...all the bands were late coming on.
Was good to see you performing, I always like those kind of vids, as for the song It was well played, arranged and produced. Certainly can't think of anything that would improve it.
Always good to see a live drummer, whoever mic'd up the kit did a great job.
Hope this helps.
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Thank you. I think that the song has that 70’s vibe. We recorded the drums in a little studio, the drummer selected this studio just because the quality of the drums recording in other records.
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Video isnt taken down but rather now This video is unlisted.
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