The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pompeyjazz on December 03, 2016, 06:35:59 PM
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After I got back from the Salon, I got this great Motown beat stuck in my head and just knew that I had to have a crack at some of that stuff.
Have been experimenting a bit with this one again. Biggest problem has been trying to get an authentic brass sound. It's OK I suppose but could be a lot better
This is Perfect Imperfect
https://soundcloud.com/pompeyjazz/perectimperfect
Perfect Imperfect
V1
All that we can do
All that's in the way
Brush aside, leave and discard it
Leave it for another day
Don't want material things
Diamonds, pearls and golden rings
Just love going to rule the world
Ain't no one get in the way
Ch
Don't go changing now
I wouldn't want it anyhow
All that I can say
You're perfect imperfect
Don't you change your way
Or change it any day
All that I can say
Is that your perfect imperfect
V2
Was it all those years ago
Was it us back in the day
Spinning, twirling as we hit the floor
Dancing all the night away
Times change but the beat goes on
We still have our favourite songs
Give it to me just one more time
Going to chase the blues away
M8
Nobody knows a greater love
Nobody knows, to see the sun and moon come crashing from above
Nobody knows a greater love
What can I say, you're perfect imperfect
V3
They say people change
We change but we're still the same
With the rhythm and the driving beat
Just got to move your feet
Dancing loving every night
Just know the time is right
Stick around for another dance
Let's move lets take our chance
John Bradley 2016
Cheers All :)
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I generally like your work, John, and this is no exception. I am especially partial to the verses and chorus. The middle 8 feels a little awkward or something to me but, of course, that could just be my imperfect listening skills! ;D
Out of the whole song, the weakest line, in my opinion, is "Or change it any day". I don't get how it adds anything to the song--it feels like "filler" to round out the syllable count and provide a rhyme to "way". And, again, that could be my own brain density problem.
A couple times you sang "Don't chew" instead of "Don't you", but a lot of people do that and I notice because of my OCD about enunciation.
That's all I have.
Vicki
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Yo John.
Is there any pop genre you can't turn your hand to? 8)
The chorus is a belter. It reminds me a lot of Elvis Costello.
Top work as usual,mister production line song machine! :D
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Vicki. I totally agree with you. The M8 is weak. Have been wrestling with that a lot.
Skub. Don't ya worry man. I'm done with this poppy stuff and there is some dark stuff coming up
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Vicki. I totally agree with you. The M8 is weak. Have been wrestling with that a lot.
Skub. Don't ya worry man. I'm done with this poppy stuff and there is some dark stuff coming up
Dark stuff is over-rated.....I like this upbeat stuff, from you, best!!
This reminds me of all the fun I use to have at the local ice rinks I grew up around!!
Good stuff!!
-Tom
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well I have to say of all the styles youve done here john , mod soul is what your voice sounds most fabulous at ...this is awesome & i can see you locking up the Gervais salon & nipping out on your lambretta to Brighton & opening a new salon called Style Council ;D
I loved all the keyboard parts...they didnt have quite the right sound i thought ..they sounded a bit fairgroundish but what you played was great
the little snippets of sax were realy cool ,I wish you couldve had more of that...& thats a super middle 8! I loved it all!
what is going on here? someones turned this board upside down ...you only posted this 2 day ago & i found it on page 2?
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It rocks!
The sound/instrumentation is great, the intro is super-fun and the rythmic alteration (well, not exactly but you know what I mean) makes it stand out from the pile of this kind of songs, and gives it a more sophisticated structure!
Thumbs up!
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Nice one Pompey.
Interesting that you panned the bass to the left, I can't make my mind up whether this worked or whether my attention kept shifting to it more than it should. I'd be interested to hear it with bass centre to compare. I'm not overly familiar with Motown so maybe this is the done thing in the genre.
From what I do know I think you captured the style quite well, especially with the drums. I've still got the catchy melodies in my head as I'm writing so that's a good sign for me.
Well done.
Yodasdad
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I really like this song john, the bass line is a real belter! Your production is also getting better and better and lyrically its really good. I agree that some of the synth sounds could be different but that is a minor thing. I also love the chord sequence and the change from major to minor...it reminded me a little of Creep but obviously this was a happy version of that with a sunny side to the message.
I really like how you mix guitars and synths in general but I always yearn a bit for the guitar to be more prominent. This is a great song overall though, the chorus is fab and I don't think the M8 is weak at all.
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Hi John, great bass line and nicely conceived styling, a very authentic sound. I really like the song and the different sections of the song. Not such a fan of the organ sounds, a bit too reedy for me! Great vocal and melody!
Good stuff!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi John
Four Tops looks out!
Great example of the motown genre.
Loved the melody lines esp the chorus.
You know if you changed that elect piano to a real piano it would sound like the Four Seasons ;D
Think you should center the bass though.
Good work ;D
Paul
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Nice one guys :)
Bass is CENTRE now
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Hi John,
Wow, there is some reverb on that vocal - a little too much for me but otherwise this is pretty sensational. I love the production and the retro sound - could do with a big tambourine a la Motown but that's my taste. The backing vocal parts are gorgeous and the whole thing reeks of 60's quality arrangement. It just needs a big, reverb-laden tambourine banging though it and it would really fly.
Hugely impressive.
M
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Wow very good production. Nothing is imperfect. I like it a lot. Nothing to criticise for me.
Go on with your good work.
Alexander
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Great earworm chorus! :) I like the echo on the vocals - very 50s/60s. :D My only comment really is that the bass seems to drop too low in volume in places. But a minor point on a great track!
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great. reminds me a bit of bowie.
you must have had fun recording it.
voice goes a tad wobbly in places, it doesn't throw the listener off much though-
Gut gemacht! well done.
:)
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:) I dont know my genres too well, but you seem to have a mix of some cool stuff in here. Where the instrumental is more stripped over the verses it sounds a little northern souly to me which I dig, then when this transitions into something more crowded for the chorus all those instruments are pretty magical and well managed.
Production value feels high to my ears at least, plus the catchy chorus and you've hot me on board!
Excited to see what you pull out the bag next, dark stuff always a bit of fun :)
Cheers
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aw...i love me some motown...i do enjoy my 60's mod and soul stuff too
drums are absolutely fantastic and one of the keyboard riffs is a standout for me too...this possibly suits your voice perfectly...so it's a sure-fire winner for me
this is probably the closest thing i've ever heard on here to what i actually listen to...love it, man :)
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John - great stuff - love the smashing snare sound and I thought the brass was fine where it came in.
I think I might have made the middle 8 a middle 4 - just ending in a big climactic "above" and then follow back into the chorus. Maybe that doesn't make much sense storywise, but it takes it down just enough to give impact to the chorus when it comes in again.
I wasn't entirely sure about the keyboard sounds - I think possibly a straight up piano could have worked too.
Great vocals, BVs and general production though. Mark Ronson step aside...
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Yeah, I really like your voice on this one. I hear sort of a mix between Lou Reed and Bowie and that can never be a bad thing.
I like it all, lyrics and production. Took a while for me to get used to the keys, not my favourite instrument but it grew on me.
One of your strongest pieces, at least of all I've heard.
Good stuff, keep it up.
S
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Hi,
This had me kind of humming along before the end... the Detroit sound is something I grew up with (Motown mad older sisters!) and this didn't disappoint and bar beefing up that fab chorus with a trio of backing vocalists I would say this is almost perfect!
How do you keep up this level of quality!! :)
Phil
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Thanks all for you fabulous comments on this little number. I am truly overwhelmed.
As always, I've taken your comments on board and have changed things slightly as follows.
1. Changed piano sound to real piano
2. Changed Organ sound in M8 to be a bit more "Woolly"
3. Added a beefed up reverb heavy tambourine
Once again, many thanks to everyone. I do consider every suggestion made.
Cheers
John :)
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I really love the chorus here. There could have been more of it for my taste, esp. after the M8 I would have liked to hear the chorus again instead of the instrumental version.
The verse was a bit too jumpy for my taste in comparison.
Great mix, and I really like the idea and writing of the lyrics.
Bye Wolfi
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Motown meets the 80's with a touch Jullian Cope thrown in - Into a bit long possibly - Love the title.
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Hi PJ,
Another departure in sound - and well executed again.
I can't claim to be a Motown buff, but this seems to merge the stuff my missus likes with maybe some Jam, and some 80s. Works well for me.
Dark stuff is overrated!!!! :o
Looking forward to hearing your darkside.
Digger