The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: mickyplankton on October 19, 2016, 09:36:15 PM
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Hi all,
I've recently written this song and been tinkering around with it. Would love to know what you think. Thanks for listening.
Ive made a number of modifications since i first published this. Hes the new version. For those of you that saw this the first time thanks once again for lending your ears!
Here it is
https://soundcloud.com/mickyplankton/the-doors-of-our-mind
Doors, They're never as we seem to find.
They are the doors of our mind.
Read my mind, as I am reading yours.
Open the doors, let the thoughts Flood into our minds.
Let the systematic system decide
Let the higher energy decide
To lock the doors out of our mind.
The doors of our minds, the tricks they play
As you turn over once again.
Maybe your in a bad time and nothing to keep the beat
Keep the ankles together make that beat
You and I and every human has the doors of their mind
If you don't mind me saying at the doors of their brain.
Cos that is what Jesus came down to tell us
To treat one another the same
Cos we all have the doors,
cos we all have the doors
The doors to our minds all are allowed
Even if your locked out of your brain.
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Citing "the sound of silence"?
Real nice song, but rather weird 'production'.
The (mostly quite good) vocals have a hard time competing with the Midi 'noise'. I don't care much for the brass part, and the sound beginning at 2:20 is particularly ugly.
Real instruments (and less) would do the song good IMO.
Cheers,
Bernd
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Hey Thanks Bernd. Really appreciate the feedback. Youve obviously got a good ear. As this one is all Garageband. Im still learning the ropes in terms of balance. The sound at 2.20 i think is a sampled guitar. My band is rehearsing this at the moment and it sounds ok as an all guitar sound so will attempt to record a live version in the next few weeks and see how that compares.
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I would like to see your lyrics posted with your songs to assist with reviewing. I believe this is mentioned in the guidelines, too. :P I guess I just have a cop mentality....
Vicki
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The song has a good hook.
The intro makes you feel that there is going to be a nostalgia trip straight away....as does the title.
Like the horns at the end.
Potential there......vocal production needs a bit of polishing.
Sandeep
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Thanks for the feedback Sandeep. Yeah I had a heavy cold at the time of recording the vocals so I need to redo! We are rehearsing this as a full Electric band so I hope to get a live cut done at some stage too.
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This is actually quite cool! The vocals are very Joe Strummer. Really sounds like the Clash at points during their poppier exhibitions, particularly Sandinista! era.
Production wise, could do with compressing the vocals and bringing them up in the mix. I really like the horns at the end but agree about that electric fuzz making it messier than it needs to be. I like the piano riff at the beginning, but try messing around with the velocity of the notes in the chord to make it sound more natural (I assume Garage Band has velocity settings like other DAWs). Right now, it's stilted and computerised. If you listen to a real live piano, the player will hit consecutive notes differently and those sorts of dynamics are what brings MIDI instruments to life in a track and stops them sounding so obviously fake.
The song is interesting, catchy and, like I said, very Clash sounding. I like that. A cool retro pop punk vibe.
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Sorry Vicki. I'm still learning the ropes here. (But I love what I see so far!)
So the Lyrics are as follows:
Doors, They're never as we seem to find.
They are the doors of our mind.
Read my mind, as I am reading yours.
Open the doors, let the thoughts Flood into our minds.
Let the systematic system decide
Let the higher energy decide
To lock the doors out of our mind.
The doors of our minds, the tricks they play
As you turn over once again.
Maybe your in a bad time and nothing to keep the beat
Keep the ankles together make that beat
You and I and every human has the doors of their mind
If you don't mind me saying at the doors of their brain.
Cos that is what Jesus came down to tell us
To treat one another the same
Cos we all have the doors,
cos we all have the doors
The doors to our minds all are allowed
Even if your locked out of your brain.
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Jack thanks for the excellent feedback. We are massive fans of the Clash so that's a huge compliment. Thanks! Also appreciate the technical feedback too. Still learning how to get the best out of GarageBand and the compressor mic. There's a lot of default settings I'm just going with for now until I learn what I'm doing.
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Sorry Vicki. I'm still learning the ropes here. (But I love what I see so far!)
No worries. I'm sure we've all...well, me, anyway...have failed to read the guidelines at first. I made a misstep or two at first. I still could. But, as you've noticed, this is a great forum, very friendly, so people remind us nicely. :)
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Hi Micky, I thought that was pretty good and it reminded me of something off Sandanista (One of my all time favourite albums) by The Clash. My only criticism would be to say that you sound like you are singing in the bathroom while the rest of the track is carrying on quite happily in another part of the house. Only a minor nit though. Reduce the reverb and get your vocals a lot more in your face. It's a pretty common thing for singers to hide their vocals in the mix. Try it and see. Nice work :)
John
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Regarding the criticism that you should use real instruments instead of midi.
I can't play an instrument, so I'm stuck with either collaborations or Midi compositions. I'm impressed that you find a way to write. Don't let anyone tell you there is a "bad way to write." Just write.
As far as criticism. . . I'm not sure you are getting the most out of your midi files. If you are willing to let me work on them, I'd like to see what can be done with instrumentation and subtle variations.
For me to do that, you would have to e-mail me a midi file of your arrangement. If you are uncomfortable doing that, I'll totally understand. I would not be due any writing credits or ownership of your songs. . . all I'd be doing would be considered mixing. . . and low level mixing at that.
But yours is an interesting concept that I think more could be coaxed out of.
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Interesting lyrics. I think I like them, but I'm not sure what they mean. Or if they are intended to mean anything, really.
Jack had some good advice for the production. I think I would like to keep the piano and horns in this, but make them sound more natural and real. Right now it's too "bangy", if that makes sense.
And, as others mentioned, the vocal sounds like it's at the back of the room while the instrumentation is up front. That needs to be reversed, I think.
It's a nice, energetic piece, good for dancing. I hope to hear an updated version eventually. Maybe once your band makes a live recording?
Vicki
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Thanks for all the feedback once again. Lyrics are a little hard to interpret having looked through them again so I do agree with you Vicki!
The song is meant to convey the idea that our minds can be very difficult to understand and for some can be the challenge of a lifetime, but ultimately we can all connect with one another on some level.
Hard Twistmusic. I really appreciate the offer and if I'd had no feedback from anyone else may well have taken you up, but feedback from Jack and Pompey has prompted me to made a few amends of my own so I'd like to see how far I can take it before I hand over to another. My band is also thinking about taking this in another direction and making it an all guitar song so it may morph into something else entirely! Hope you don't mind.
Thanks all. Love the passion and expertise that is in this forum. It's exactly what I was looking for. You don't get this on Soundcloud!
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Micky,
Hi enjoyable couple of minutes and it really gets going towards the end.
Suggestions: cut down the piano intro, as Pompeyjazz says let the vocals lead, and watch the timing between the instrumentation, getting them all synced-up will make it sound more powerful.
:)
Neil
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Hi,
This grew on me as I listened although I do feel it would benefit from maybe a little more harmonic variation at times.
I liked the triplet feel that ended off your sections, reminded me of the Eva Peron line from don't dry for me Argentina.
I was initially a little deterred by the computerised feel to the instruments as others have mentioned but as hard twist said, don't let this put you off, use whatever tools you have at your disposal.
I think the timing could do with a little tidying up and you could use the quantise function in GarageBand to help you with this. The only thing I would say though is that being to rigid with this could make the instruments sound even more computerised if you don't make other alterations, such as the velocity changes already mentioned.
Definitely worth pursuing this one further though I would say.
Yodasdad
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thanks Neil and Yodas dad for the great feedback. I will work on version 4 of the song in due course with the aim of shortening the intro, compressing, amplifying the vocals, and possibly using a live piano. Will update when im done. Im in the middle of writing a rather more complex song right now though so will get that finished before i revisit Doors. Thanks everyone.
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I second what everybody else have said. I think you've got a good song here and I'm looking forward to here you're progress. Give it time and patience and your productions will match the songs.
Keep it up! Good stuff.
/S
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Hi all,
ive recently returned to this song and made quite a few modifications, including a rhythm guitar and alternative bridge between verses.
I hope this represents an improved version of the song. Hope you like it.
Best,
Micky
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Hey Micky,
I wasn't around here for the first time you posted this so it's fresh on me.
I like it - I admire songs that take a big open-ended topic like this and make it catchy. It's punchy. The horn section stood out a lot too.
Felt like you have the right ingredients all here to cook up a winner, but maybe still some work needed on the mix / mastering to blend them all together a bit more. I'm no expert on that stage in the process... I'm sure others on this forum can give some better hints on that part, but I've read even simple things like giving the separate tracks similar reverb treatment can help them feel like they all come from the same place.
As for the raw materials though - great stuff lyrically and melodically. Stick with it mate, you're on to a good one here.
Pauly
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Hi Micky
Looks like I'm late for the party here but I enjoyed this.
Vocals are good and the melody lines are solid.
A few timing issues on the front end (worst place for them :'( ) should be easy to fix but it's a quality song ;D ;D
Keep at it - you got the chops ;D
Paul