The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: diademgrove on September 26, 2016, 09:05:16 PM
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A love song based loosely on the standard blues format
I'll meet you down by the harbour wall
I'll meet you down by the harbour wall
Don't be late, don't make me wait
I'll see you down by the harbour wall
Dressed in black in a velvet hat
The ghosts of lovers long since past
Will dance and sing on the harbour wall
When the sun sets on the harbour gates
When the sun sets on the harbour gates
Ghosts will rise for you and me
Watch the sun set on the harbour gates
Bright red lips and black eye liner
The ghosts of love in hi-heel shoes
Will carve our names on the harbour gates
We'll kiss gently by the harbour lights
We'll kiss gently by the harbour lights
Soft and slow, please don't say no
Watch the sun set on the harbour gates
Kissing sweetly by the harbour lights
Dressed in a python pencil skirt
you'll eat sashimi, feed our love
eat sashimi by the harbour lights
The ghosts of loveers long since past
Will dance and sing by the harbour lights
The northern winds bring a bitter chill
The northern wind brings a bitter chill
Hold me close, I'll keep you warm
The northern wind brings a bitter chill
Doc Martens and an old great coat
The ghosts of lovers dance and sing
When the northern winds bring a bitter chill
Thanks for any advice,
Keith
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I have to say
"Doc Martens and an old great coat" is a brilliant line
Really like the lyrics. I like the repetition of lines and the atmosphere you built. Its very visual.
Well done
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I really like this one Keith,yeah i think atmospheric is the word,
for me it sang very easily after you mentioned the blues.
I love the use of the word sashimi and the doc martins line.
I'm a bit of a rhymer myself but that doesn't always have to be the
case as you've shown here,i think it's a topnotch song lyric,
regards,Tom.
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Keith,
Top notch, really got it.
One suggestion is you might want to start and end with the title line - When the northern winds bring a bitter chill?
:)
Neil
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Nice one Keith.
Not usually fond of same-word rhymes but it works here if you think of the blues.
How does the 10 line stanza fit in - is that a bridge?
+1 on Neil's idea to start with the title - than you'd have a hook sandwich! :)
Paul
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Midiofnowhere, Tom, Neil and Paul thanks for the comments, really appreciated.
When I was a young man Docs and great coats didn't meet, so I thought why not introduce them to each other.
Sashimi came from John Cale's auto-biography. I liked the word and added it to my phrase book. Hey presto it appeared in this song.
The lyrics were written before I picked a title. The reason why I put the northern wind verse at the end was because it added a bit of mystery, would they get together or not? If I put it first then the request is in the winter and the meeting at the harbour is likely to take place in spring. Very neat, but I like the idea of love blossoming in the cold better. It appeals to my sense of the weird.
The 10 line stanza is just a repeat of the last 3 lines of the other verses. No bridge, just a little bit extra without adding a fifth verse.
Thanks again for the comments I'm floating a little higher now.
Keith
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I've got no advice. Couldn't find a line I didn't like.
That's rare for me.
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I've got no advice. Couldn't find a line I didn't like.
That's rare for me.
Very high praise indeed Verlon and much appreciated.
Keith
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Brilliant writing
Some excellent lines in there, creating wonderful imagery.
Could hear a tune in my head, which is a good sign.
Would love to hear it set to music.
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The lyric has a nice, bouncy feel to it and I'm interested in hearing it set to music. I think it could be very catchy!
You introduced the piece with these words, "A love song based loosely on the standard blues format". So, I was expecting a simple love song, and the lyric seemed to support that with a couple mysterious inconsistencies. I had no idea the couple in the song were not necessarily already together and maybe even would never be. From the beginning, it sounded like an established relationship to me. I didn't "get it" until you mentioned (in a later post), "The reason why I put the northern wind verse at the end was because it added a bit of mystery, would they get together or not?"
Anyway, once I understood that, the unstable elements of the song made sense and it was all okay. Without the explanations, though, it's fairly likely I never would have gotten it. So, speaking for the more dense individuals in the world, it's too obscure for us. That doesn't mean anything should be changed, though. Indeed, we need to be challenged so we think more. Eventually, in a conversation with someone, I might have figured it out. I'd like to think so.
As others have indicated, the images in the song stand out. As I read the words, I see pictures in my mind. A good job of "showing" rather than "telling".
Vicki
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Thanks for the kind words Penkslyrics and Vicki.
Vicki, I think the lyrics work both ways. It could be an established relationship revisiting their shared past but I wrote it with the singer hoping for a relationship in the future. Which is why the northern wind verse is last.
I learnt long ago that images I created for songs sometimes bore no relation to their actual meaning. The classic example is the Stones' Moonlight Mile. A bloke in a room with a head full of cocaine isn't as romantic as a man trying to get home in a winter snow storm. I prefer my version.
I don't intend to post the music for review but as you've both asked you can have a listen to it here
Keith