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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on July 13, 2016, 05:04:37 PM
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This is a song I wrote
2 years ago. Recently recorded again. Any kind of Feedback is welcome!
https://soundcloud.com/rightly/another-armchair-moralist
here are the lyrics:
Another Armchair Moralist
Im talking with nobody listening, see,
front line walking just like a refugee
sentimental, old friend says I'm out of touch
so hard to be gentle when handling the softer stuff
you've seen this face before, You remember the name
in mass-production I, I'm plenty of the same
much more than y'bargained for, now, don't lose your cool in the rush
stripped down n' ribbon bound on arrival the petals are crushed
more than a brother, too dear to bid adieu
another armchair moralist, the word is not the truth
another armchair moralist, too close to be cut loose
down under the waterline, down in the thick of it
I surrender one last time, although, truly sick of it
my nightmare scenario, yeah, my indiff'rence killer
after I hopping over bedpans go to find him in the mirror
only I and I alone must throw myself to the wire
as you sit on a distant throne, too green for the fire
what will it amount to, in the case that it does not combust
I could do without you only missing the sense of enough
more than a brother, too dear to bid adieu
another armchair moralist, the word is not the truth
another armchair moralist, he's dear to me,
too close to be,
expensively... cut loose
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The 1st line in the song sez it all. Lol.
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Well, this gives me more the impression of spoken poetry with a music backdrop. I see this performed in a café full of black clothed art students, heavily smoking, and drinking absinthe.
Not sure I could follow the meaning of the lyrics, but that can happen with poems. ;-)
Bye Wolfi
PS: oh, and commenting on other songs usually helps to generate feedback...
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Indeed. Beat poetry in a 50s coffee shop. Herky jerky in delivery, just perfect........well done!
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I agree, think the song could use a nice hazy video, shot in some near-harbour cafe.
It possibly requires a bit bohemian (or even decadent maybe) mood from the listener, but
sure is a nice performance.
Indeed. Beat poetry in a 50s coffee shop. Herky jerky in delivery, just perfect........well done!
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Thanks for the comments!
Performances of it seem to be met with interest, but it is wordy.
I can only play it live when I'm fit. Generally I'm confident with it.
Thanks, Rightly.
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I like this Mr Rightly. You have got your sound sorted our and I love your slightly panicked and edgy sound. Good vibes from me :)
Cheers John
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thanks for the encouraging words John.
I recorded this in a top studio in berlin
On Monday will be determined whether I can do a 2 year training!
exciting stuff for me.
having to write a convincing cover letter in German though has taken me hours, and before that days of procrastination!
all the best!
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guitar riff is cool I think you could slot the lyrics into that slightly better.
try and get a bit of feeling behind your voice as well seems to stay at the same register throughout the song - very bob dylan-esque though definitely so possibly just your style!!
Good work mate!
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thanks Alziebear.
I'm happy with this song... when I perform it live it's always different. I know it so well that I can be playful with it.
thanks, Rightly.
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Absolutely love this would not change a thing
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Hey there Rightly....I like the overall writing.........this just might be one of those songs that should depend on that spot-on-performance to really get it across. It is wordy, which makes the vocal delivery extremely important, and the music seems to fit the mood of say...Talking Heads ??? :).
Good piece of writing........the delivery is paramount, here!
Good stuff!
8)-Tom
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Hi mate,
Excellent playing and a great delivery as its super wordy! I've not really listened to anything like it before.I would have liked some kind of hook,or more of a melody,but then again I don't think it's that kind of song.
I look forward to hearing more of your stuff mate.
Leo ;D
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Yeah..as John says..an edgy feel goin on here..but interesting..as you say wordy, but very interesting...
good poetry really :) :)
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Love the energy in this song.
Great lyrics....hints of Dylan, Bragg and Weller for me.
Guitars are providing the anger....
The song is more like a poem.
My only minor critic, is that you are trying to cram in too many of those great lyrics.
Need more of the chorus please!
Sandeep
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Love the energy in this song.
Great lyrics....hints of Dylan, Bragg and Weller for me.
Guitars are providing the anger....
The song is more like a poem.
My only minor critic, is that you are trying to cram in too many of those great lyrics.
Need more of the chorus please!
Sandeep
I just to answer the last few responses in one.
I'm truly grateful for the encouragement, apparently I need it.
Good lyrics are kind of essential to me.
This one had to be wordy, I could have made a jingle out of it but I had something to say and apparently I needed this many words.
On the spot performance thing...
Well, I admit, I messed it up for months when playing live. At some point I shelved it, then a year later I dusted it off and found it easy to play. I have a lot of material but these days (n theses days I don't drink) when I play it, it does work.
God bless yous!!