The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on June 22, 2016, 07:37:27 PM
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Last time Karen aka MonnoDB and I did a collab it was my song Lie With Me where Karen helped out with the lyrics and did the duet vocals together with me. We enjoyed that experienced so much we decided to do it again but this time it is a MonnoDB song where I took care of arrangement, playing and production (in a very close loop with Karen). She did the vocals obviously ;D
All and any feedback is as always very much appreciated.
https://soundcloud.com/monnodb/hands-off-shes-mine
Hands Off (She's Mine)
Music & Lyrics: MonnoDB
Verse 1:
You think you know what's going on but you don't
You call it out so that I hear but I won't
Never learn don't you see you've gotta let it be
She's mine you've got to see that it's so
She's fine I swear it's time to let go
When will you realise that we all know you’re spreading lies
Chorus:
Hands off she's mine
Really she's fine
Go find yourself a new obsession
Take your love away
Take your love away
Cos it’s not helping
Verse 2:
We've reached the point the damage is done
When will you see that she's can’t be won
Divide and conquer was your aim it was a losing game
They’re so united it’s hard to break in
I know you tried but you could never really win
Can't break the bond, it's too strong, you don’t belong
Chorus:
Hands off she's mine
Really she's fine
Go find yourself a new obsession
Take your love away
Take your love away
Cos it’s not helping
Bridge:
Couldn’t you be happy with what you had?
You had to push and push and push and make me mad
Step away now
Step away
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Hi JB - lots to like here - the main hook drew me in and had me singing along. The backing is more indie than some of your rock tracks and supports the song really well with the inisistent drumming and understated guitars.
I did feel maybe there was an opportunity to really make the chorus the high point of the song - it starts really melodically and as I say drew me in, but then didn't add a whole lot more - I'm sure she/you considered this but I just wondered if it could be developed a bit more with a killer line or two (not very demanding am I?).
Karen's vocal is great, very smooth but still big enough for this style. I'd like to hear a touch more energy in the chorus but that may be just my prejudice. As a detail, I would be tempted to back off the vocal reverb a bit during the quieter parts of the verse.
So a bit of a mixed review from me which I hope you'll take as constructive - though that hook definitely got me.
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Hi, nice collaboration.well played and sung, guitars sounded great. The vibe was a bit punk/80's girl bands but it had a great hook. Very listenable!
Cheers
Jamie
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I like this track a lot..
Yeah nice chorus. Real catchy vibe. And love your voice. Aspeccialy like the part at 1.41 into the chorus.. Love it! Nice production as well. Nice Collab guys.
Greetz,
BJ ( BdK )
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Enjoyed this one. Sort of sounded like a folk song dressed up as a rock song, partly because the vocal had a folky twang to it.
Melodies are strong and lots of great guitar playing throughout.
A few things I didn't like. The drums I thought were just too busy overall and getting in the way of the song a bit. I like a nice florrid bit of drum work but I would have saved it for effect. It seems to happen throughout the track a bit.
The other thing was the "it's not helping line" at the end of the chorus. Melodically and lyrically, it seems a bit of a cop out compared to the aggression of the rest of the song. I think a sharper lyric there and a non-descending line would fit in better.
Having said that I loved the "Hand Off (She Mine)" line. Hooky and grabs the attention nicely.
Lots to love here, tis good work :)
Tom.
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Great song.....definitely got that 80s punk feel about.
Excellent singing by Karen, and love the bass in the background, complements the lead guitar well.
Well done
Sandeep
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Really Blondie feel to this. I liked a lot.
Only crit to me is it is let down a bit by the drum track. I feel a better dynamic would suit the track more or at least ease into the busy drum feel. Its a bit over the top and sounds a bit disjointed at the start. You could simplify it for the verses and then ramp it up for the chorus could really help to give the song some extra dynamic.
Loved the song, super vox and the rest of the instrumentation was first rate. Thumbs up from me.
Allan.
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Hi,
Yeah......liked this. ;D
Very enjoyable. An interesting combination, that works well ;D
Loved the vocal, reminded me of Kirsty McColl. I would agree
with what's already been said regarding the drums, they seem
to 'run away' in places. Liked the way it 'took off' around 2.10,
nice build and gtrs.
Great work guys......liked it a lot ;D
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Ah,the fearsome Monno again...I'm scairt already paw. :o
Awesome punky thang vibin away here. Driving forever and never letting up.
Great vocals,cute like the cardigans,great track. You two work so well together.
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Hi JB/Monno
Love the bass sound - it really growls.
Great energy to the song, though I do agree with the comments about the drums sounding a bit busy in places. That aside, the song is brill.
Fantastic vocal by Karen.
Definitely my kind of thing.
Digger
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Blimey, you never fail to come up with something just awesome..was playing this way loud in the car in a traffic jam and the guy in a car next to me asked who it was..how fab is that!!
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I followed the link - while doing other things - followed it again. And wondered why the Jambrains track hadn't played... It took me until the third listen to figure out that it was the Jambrains track without the Jambrains vocal!
Honestly, I full-on love it.
Perfect, catchy, high energy pop-rock. Sounds like Blondie, Elastica or a more credible version of that other brief blast from the 90s Lush (anyone remember them? Single Girl, Shake-baby-shake).
Really enjoyed it. As great as the Jambrains tracks are - I love the feel of the tracks and the character of your vocal - I think with Karen's vocals there is potential for a more universal appeal. Evidenced by Kevin's great comment above!!
Ben
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Love this MonnoDb and Jambrains, One of my favourite genres. Late 70's Early 80's New wave. Great vocals, guitar and energy and love the guitar solo. Will be listening to this again for sure.
John
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Hey there Jambrains....great piece of music!
I would like the vocal to be a bit louder.........good voice......good everything ;)
Top shelf recording 8)
-Tom
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It was great. I loved the guitar and also the lyric "Take your love away its not helping", Sometimes aint that the truth!
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@adamfarr: thanks for the great input. A new mix is now uploaded that has less reverb so I hope you will find that an improvement :-)
I kind of get what you are saying about the chorus and have forwarded it to Karen. We did try out some backing vocals to lift the chorus but found it added little but it might have been that we did not try the rigth BV :-)
@Jamie & Bad Jeans: thanks for taking the time to listen and comment, glad you liked it!
@tboswell: folk dressed up as rock is probably spot on :-) The drums seems to a hit or miss, some just love it and others not so much. Earlier versions were even busier ;-)
@Movin Flavour: thanks! :-)
@seriousfun & @Binladeda: glad you enjoyed it & see my comments regarding the drums above.
@skub: yes, Monno has me, heart and soul, beware :-)
@Digger72: drums here as well, ay? See above :-) Thanks for listening!
@shadowfax: that is possibly the best review one can get (and Karen agrees)!
@Doodles: Lol! A Jambrains song without Jambrains? Yes, pretty much so I guess. That is probably why this turned out so well, this is the kind of song I could have written myself had not Karen beat me to it :-)
@pompeyjazz, IronKnee & Day2Take1: thanks a lot, so happy you enjoyed it!
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Really like this Jambrains, reminds me of being at Uni. Great song and a great vocal performance, very indie and very cool sounding. Really love the dirty bass sound as well. Not quite sure about some of the rhythm playing in the first verse - it´s not out of time but it may have had a different feel if you´d gone full punk rhythm. The solo is very rock n´roll. Very good stuff indeed!59
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Hi,
Good indie song, I like the guitar sound. The bass is excellent.
This rocks!!!
refusedrevival