The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MartynRich on June 12, 2016, 10:35:09 PM
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I knew you'd open the thread just to see if you could win an iPhone... :D
Ok, I posted an earlier version of this track last month. Based on feedback received I have added new instrumentation to beef up the sound and to stop it dragging. I also worked extremely hard on my vocals to the extent you will now hear them being sung by LostBoy, who in my opinion has done an amazing job!
Leo, you are a star.
I would also be interested in comments on the production. Leo did his usual great job with the iPad on the Master but I wanted to add a bit more top end...any feedback greatly received. If I hear it is too harsh I will put Leo's version up, and then supposedly have to pay him royalties ;D
Anyway, here it is: https://soundcloud.com/martynrich/rhythm-game-version-2
Anyone who has the inclination to compare it with the last version can do so here: https://soundcloud.com/martynrich/the-rhythm-game/s-qSEP8
Lyrics at the link. Hope you enjoy it peeps.
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Hi
Lovin this. ;D ;D Great vocal.
Like the funky gtr. the arrangement/mix
all sound good to me. If anything, thought
it might be a bit more 'up tempo'. A bit
more drive/thump and punch down below ;D ;D
Nice work guys, really enjoyed listening to it.
thx ;D
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This is as good as the best of anything I've heard on here Martypants. :o
I like everything about it. The choon is insidiously infectious,great recurring hook,well mixed and dynamite vocals from LostBoy. It's the package. 8)
Btw,I also liked your vocals in the original,it was just the pitchiness that let the side down.
Onto my playlist it goes,ta for posting and brightening up my day,Martyn.
I've PMed my address so you can send the iphone,or you can just send me the cash,I don't like Apple stuff anyway. Cheers mate,been nice doin' ya. :)
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Great job guys! Like the new vocals and instrumentation! Quite liked the switch to accoustic later on - maybe a little too much top end just in that part? There were a couple of moments where I thought the guitars were a little loud compared to the synths but small beans it really has energy and bounce.
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Sound really good Martyn. You've really worked on this. To be honest I like both the versions and can appreciate all the work that you've put in. It certainly pay off :)
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Hi
Lovin this. ;D ;D Great vocal.
Like the funky gtr. the arrangement/mix
all sound good to me. If anything, thought
it might be a bit more 'up tempo'. A bit
more drive/thump and punch down below ;D ;D
Nice work guys, really enjoyed listening to it.
thx ;D
Thanks mate! You may be right but is is already considerably more up tiempo than the original. I am thinking about tweaking the beat again though...thanks for the comments!
This is as good as the best of anything I've heard on here Martypants. :o
I like everything about it. The choon is insidiously infectious,great recurring hook,well mixed and dynamite vocals from LostBoy. It's the package. 8)
Btw,I also liked your vocals in the original,it was just the pitchiness that let the side down.
Onto my playlist it goes,ta for posting and brightening up my day,Martyn.
I've PMed my address so you can send the iphone,or you can just send me the cash,I don't like Apple stuff anyway. Cheers mate,been nice doin' ya. :)
Thank you my friend, you are headed up the May SOTM competition rankings as I type! LostBoy has sorted the iPhone for you, just send him a PM and it's yours!
Great job guys! Like the new vocals and instrumentation! Quite liked the switch to accoustic later on - maybe a little too much top end just in that part? There were a couple of moments where I thought the guitars were a little loud compared to the synths but small beans it really has energy and bounce.
Huge thanks Adam and comments noted!
Sound really good Martyn. You've really worked on this. To be honest I like both the versions and can appreciate all the work that you've put in. It certainly pay off :)
Thank you John, you are a gentleman as always. I promise many more guitars from now on though...
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Its a totally different style to the other tracks of yours I have listened to, and I applaud the diversity. As usual it is slickly put together and produced. For me the highlights are the wah guitar (fabulous) and the key change - which works a treat. The additional instrumentation around 1:45 and towards the end does definitely add interest and variety. I would like to hear a bit more going on vocally. I hear soulful female backing vocals going on in my head. I think the repetition allows the track to accomodate more layers without being over-burdened.
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enjoyed this martyn very much
nice mix and sounds full , love the wah
LBs vocals really work well and songs strong and really hooky ...immediatly got a depeche and human league vibe and in a good way.. hope your not disturbed by that. .
thought the first version was kind of funky and cool with a few jazz notes in your vocal but the second version is right in the face and doesnt let go
great stuff
well done you chaps
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Hi guys, a really good collaboration, excellent vocals from LB, made me think of Soft Cell, but with better pitch than Marc Almond :o. Liked the wah guitar and the key change was just right. Good stuff chaps!
Cheers
Jamie
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I could definitely hear this one playing on the radio M :) Fabulous vocals from LB :o
I love all the different instruments and how you arranged them :) Nice catchy hook :)
Good mix and lots of dynamics going on :) All sounds excellent to me :) :)
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well martin you funky MF this is obviously stronger with the gorgeous golden vocals of leo lostboy
but I think its still lacking quite a lot rhythmically ….in dance music the vocals are the paints to put on the canvas but the beat IS the canvas & the frame & the nail that hangs it on the wall!
the kick & snare sound were a bit weak & the bass line just didnt move the song along
so I like the song as before its catchy & the funky guitar was realy good but it doesnt quite make it onto the dancefloor yet
actually i think its too slow aswell ....sorry to be critical
a MF is a multi funkster isnt it? :)
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Of course its a Multi-Funkster, what else would it be? :D
I agree with you. The beat needs something else...I am working on it as I type (maybe thats the problem)
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I love the funky rythm and this deep house references.
As far as the lyric part is concerned, I find that it's quite interesting and fits with very good with the melody.
Just in 3:27, I expected the transport to be a little bit different. I sounds a little bit odd to me. Maybe if you declare the transport with another way.
But it's quite good. Like it!
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Martyn
Couldnt resist my chance to win the iPhone.
A great song and Leo gives it a lot of Umph.
I don't think this is a dance song but nonetheless I like this a lot.
Reminds me of Seal.
Well done
Sandeep
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nice diverse. There's something for everyone in here . You have a rough edge on your voice. That sounds very cool. Pleasant. Drums are a bit off to me. Maybe something wrong with the mix. At 03:25 it looks as if the kick peaks . Not sure if that's a mistake? To me that sounds like that's not really meant to be. But in terms of song structure I think it's a nice creative song.
Well done.
BJ ( BdK )
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Really good has that 70s feel to it but with your own modern ideas, this is just my thoughts on this but maybe to many lyric lines i mean dance music so maybe leave out a lyric line in each verse.
Just mix the lyric lines with the flow of your music.
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Sweet sound, Martyn.... ;) Great production. Love the writing and performances.
Sounds awesome!
8)-Tom