The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MartynRich on May 26, 2016, 10:35:48 PM
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This is possibly quite cheesy but I wanted to try something purely poppy and synth-based. My own slightly dodgy vocals of course but proud also that there is no vocal fixing on this one...I know the one thing I need to develop are beats and basslines so advice and help there would be appreciated. There are some guitars of course, how could there not be? Lyrics at the link:
https://soundcloud.com/martynstanding/the-rhythm-game/s-qSEP8
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there are some nice things here martyn I like the backing track a lot & I realy like the mouth organ thing?
Theres some catchy melody bits but a lot of the time you seem to be singing in a different key to the music
I cant understand whats happening ...i had this problem before with a chorus of yours but its far more noticeible here
I thought the bassline was fine but maybe the beat could be busier in places to give it more definite verse & choruses etc
anyway thats my first impression on hearing it...i will listen again tomorrow
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Martyn,
I like the way it come into the chorus at the start, which is catchy and the synth motif. Verse is fine.
I think it at the moment it has a and older school 80's vibe although with the right production it could be brought more up to date.
Thoughts: it needs to have more rhythmic drive, it feels a bit a bit slow. it worked well towards the end when the bass drum was pumping.The vocal fx was fine, although there was some pitchiness most noticeably in part of the chorus, the note sound odd with the change of key underneath the last play the rhythm game. Can you hear it?
The 2nd vocals need to be reigned in a bit, although I like what you're trying to do, although its a bit much towards the end.
Anyway you're on your brief, poppy.
:)
Neil
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Hi Martyn. Definite 80's vibe, nothing wrong with that :) There's some interesting ideas going on here and I think your vocals in the verse are particularly good (I even got touches of George Michael here ). Maybe in the chorus they need a bit of looking at.
Maybe the backing vocals need syncing at times. The only other small suggestion I have would be to give the bass a bit more oomph !
I like the way that you are producing a wide variety of material in different styles.
Cheers
John
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Love the music - really well done. Reminds me of the music that was on the radio for a lot of the early and mid-80s. I think you've nailed that synth-based thing you were shooting for very well indeed. Only thing is the vocals - they need a bit of attention. I think the melody and the chords are fine - it's just (I think) a bit of pitchy-ness creeping in. It's a good song and a bit of attention on the vocals will be worth it.
Cheers
Derek
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Agree with the everyone else, there is a fine song in there without good rhythms, great backing a good hook and title. It all works really well. The keys change is great. It's really good.
But the vocal is pitchy enough to make you unsure of the melody at times. I think I know what you are going for but it is hard to tell in places.
You could try getting someone else to sing it for you perhaps.
Or else take more time over the vocals, concentrating on your breathing and the listening to the backing track to ensure you pitch it right.
It seems a great tune, but until you get the melody presented securely it is hard to prove that to anyone else.
Good luck with it! :)
Tom.
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Hi Marytn, a bit different from your rockin stuff! Yes deffo an 80's vibe. Agree about polishing the vocals gets a bit distracting (yes I live for you etc).Made me think of James but with added synths ;D.
Cheers
Jamie
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Thank you everyone. Exactly what I thought - some dodgy vocals and in need of polishing the beats. I'm not a singer really but have made vast improvements so it's an ongoing process and I really appreciate the feedback.
Any volunteers to sing it for me? ;D
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Yo Martyn,
Dude I love this shit! I love the 80's!! I can't think of one bad song that came out of that era!! ;D ;D
I also have a cheesey 80's track on my soundcloud called "Supanova" (just to prove I'm as crazy as I sound! ;) )
Anyway,I thought the music and vibe of this song were really cool and although yes the chorus was a bit pitchy,I thought you nailed the verses,especially the second.Your voice reminds me of the singer of the group "Hurts". (Who I think are awesome!)
If your serious about wanting another singer to give it a go then I'd be happy to put on my neon socks,dig out my shoulder pads and just leave my hair alone in the morning!! ;D
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Cheers LostBoy!
If you want to have a crack at it you´re more than welcome, or maybe do the choruses and put some harmonies on the verses?? As you like. I´ll make some monster beats and then we´ll retire early! How about it!
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Put me in coach!! ;D that's an excellent idea to leave your verses in mate.In fact I'd be more than happy to just do a dodgy two step in the background and be a backing singer for you,cos I know you could nail that chorus with a little more practice mate.Anyway this should be fun ;D il PM you dude.
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Leo, did you get my PM? I think I messed it up, partly due to a hangover. I was in a Spanish karaoke bar at 2:30am banging out Delilah. I assure everyone I nailed that and no messing :D
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Hi Martyn,
Cool sound. Some very nice touches - especially during the "I live" section.
Regarding the vocals - what about changing the key of the song so it falls more within your natural vocal comfort zone?
Good tune with lots of promise.
Digger
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Thanks for the compliments. It is within my comfort song, it´s just technique that´s missing. However I do think I hit the verses quite well. Ok, I´m not Tom Jones but that´s just a matter of time. It´s the chorus that needs some work.
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Hi Martyn, love the 80s vibe with this one and really enjoyed the change in pitch in the second half of the song. I think the beats and baseline sounds just fine. ;)
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Hello!
I've got some points on the production (you might already have thought of this but here we go).
1. Acoustic guitar could get a little more room in the mix. Now it just seems to be drowned behind the synth and it doesn't really fill any function.
2. When the backing vocals start singing they are louder than the main vocal. Might be worth looking in to!
I think this song could be really catchy if you just fixed these small things!
Great work!
With love
/KNOWN AS BEPPE
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Thank you Beppe - I have just remixed it with the acoustic more prominent and it does sound a whole load better. As for the vocals you are absolutely right of course and I rushed the mix...I will sort that out as well. Thanks for the advice!
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Hi Martyn.......Good stuff, man!
To my ears, it seems a tad (minutia) slow. But, the song does have an energy that is positive and alive.
I like the guitars.....I think the synth is sucking the drive out of this, for me......it's not bad, it just seems lacking in energy in this arrangement.
Anyways.......good song writing, and I like the vocals 8)
-Tom
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I´m not Tom Jones
Skub throws his day old cherrypickers at Marty Jones. Swoon you will yoda. :)
The song is sound Martyn,it has a Vince Clarke vibe and is as catchy as the plague,the udders have mentioned the wip pitchy vocals,so I won't...oh wait.. :P
Get 'er done lad. 8)
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Hi Martyn's,
Like everyone else and yourself says, this definitely has an 80s New Romantic feel.
The structure and synths all add to that, and maybe the vocals are out of sync,but that doesn't stop me liking this a lot.
I love that New Romantics early 80s era, that was my time....
With a little tweaking, has the potential to be a great song.
Sandeep
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Synths are nice here and the funky wobbly guitars are great. I think it works to go straight into the chorus.
I also like the way you go into a break around 3 mins, though that came a little late for me and made the whole thing seem a little long...
Really looking forward to the new version!
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Synths are nice here and the funky wobbly guitars are great. I think it works to go straight into the chorus.
I also like the way you go into a break around 3 mins, though that came a little late for me and made the whole thing seem a little long...
Really looking forward to the new version!
Me too! Thanks for listening! I´m looking to move it on up etc...
Hi Martyn's,
Like everyone else and yourself says, this definitely has an 80s New Romantic feel.
The structure and synths all add to that, and maybe the vocals are out of sync,but that doesn't stop me liking this a lot.
I love that New Romantics early 80s era, that was my time....
With a little tweaking, has the potential to be a great song.
Sandeep
Cheers Sandeep, very much appreciated!
I´m not Tom Jones
Skub throws his day old cherrypickers at Marty Jones. Swoon you will yoda. :)
The song is sound Martyn,it has a Vince Clarke vibe and is as catchy as the plague,the udders have mentioned the wip pitchy vocals,so I won't...oh wait.. :P
Get 'er done lad. 8)
Vince Clarke. Catchy as the plague. I feel all warm inside.
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Hi,
The musical backing is great but the vocals need work to be in tune/in the right key. Lyrically, it's a bit repetitive and unimaginative. This needs work IMHO.
M
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The link isn't working for me? ???
I was looking forward to listening to this one - give me a poke when it is up again
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The link isn't working for me? ???
I was looking forward to listening to this one - give me a poke when it is up again
I am just redoing the vocal and then I will repost the link. Its important to be professional about these things.
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aww I was hoping to hear this one but its still down. Ill check back later.
Allan.