The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: crystalsuzy on July 08, 2015, 12:09:44 PM
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Hi guys, Here's a little swing tune I've been working on for a while ::)I don't know if the mix is working or not, so need some fresh ears :o I think the intro trumpet needs a redo, but haven't had the space, so it will have to do for now :P
Any feedback will be greatly appreciated :) :)
I'll catch up on listening to your new songs asap :o
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/the-game-board
Two squares back then you miss a turn
Moving so slow it’s a failure to learn
Trying to land on the perfect space
What’s the secret of this crazy race?
Ya, playing on the game-board of life
Working real hard day and night
So come on, show me, how to cut, through, this, strife
Buying all the property that I can buy
Hotels and houses, but I wonder why
There’s gotta to be more to this game than this
Cause material wealth can’t buy you bliss
The rules of this game ya they really suck
Karma from the past, ya it’s way too much
You roll the dice and you take a chance
It’s straight to jail now you can’t advance
Ya, playing on the game-board of life
A roller coaster ride with these dice
So come on, show me, how to get, this, just right
The laws of attraction are keeping us in tow
Checking our choices every time we pass go
Trying so hard to find the peace within
But everything you like, ya they call a sin
Trying to find the sweet spot of life
Where everything you do is just right
So come on, show me, how to find it tonight
Focus on the negative and that’s what’ll grow
The secret is unfolding, ya, don’t you know
You gotta be thankful for all you got
And maybe you’ll land on the free parking lot
Playing on the game board of life
Where love, and truth and peace are what’s right
Ya feel it, growing, everyday, and, everynight
I finally, found it, ya the sweet, spot, of life
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That is soooooo Crystalsuzy-ish. You truly have a unique way of looking at a song. There are always twists and turns away from the "expected" in every song you do. This whole concept is both "retro" and "unique" at the same time.
And the music totally fits that retro/unique sound.
The more I listen, the bigger fan I become. This one definitely should go on your site.
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great lyrics and a nice loose swing feel ( a little bit too loose around the 1.35 area though)
had a nice 1920's club feel about it, trumpet seemed ok to me... 8)
can't help feeling it sounded like another song though :-\ :-\
but can not put my finger on it so I'll shut up ;D ;D
I think I have found my ''sweet spot'' of life so I consider myself a lucky guy..
best, Kevin :)
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Swang yore pants! I wasn't sure if it got really jazzy about 1.40,or did things get a little out of shape? Regardless..I loved the feel,groove and lyrical content. Grooovey baby!
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That is soooooo Crystalsuzy-ish. You truly have a unique way of looking at a song. There are always twists and turns away from the "expected" in every song you do. This whole concept is both "retro" and "unique" at the same time.
And the music totally fits that retro/unique sound.
The more I listen, the bigger fan I become. This one definitely should go on your site.
thanks so much htm :) I glad I've managed to keep this rather retro swing sound, somewhat unique :o maybe it's the subject matter :-\ Your supportive comments are much appreciated :) :)
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great lyrics and a nice loose swing feel ( a little bit too loose around the 1.35 area though)
had a nice 1920's club feel about it, trumpet seemed ok to me... 8)
can't help feeling it sounded like another song though :-\ :-\
but can not put my finger on it so I'll shut up ;D ;D
I think I have found my ''sweet spot'' of life so I consider myself a lucky guy..
best, Kevin :)
Thanks for listening Kevin and I'm glad you liked the lyrics :)
It's not surprising that the brass solo section might sound a little too loose, because it's a combination of real horn and some brass loops ::)
I don't know of any song that sounds like this, but I guess swing can sound somewhat familiar, no matter how you swing it ;D ;D
You are lucky...not many have found their sweet spot :) :)
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Swang yore pants! I wasn't sure if it got really jazzy about 1.40,or did things get a little out of shape? Regardless..I loved the feel,groove and lyrical content. Grooovey baby!
Thanks Skub ;D I hope you didn't 'swang yore pants' right off! ;D ;D See above comment regarding
jazzy section :-[ :-[ I'd love to get a really good horn player in there, so it there's anyone out there that plays, let me know, cause I'm just a hacker ::)
Glad you found it groovy and liked the lyrics :) :)
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Hi CS
I really liked this - it has a nice intro that sets the mood perfectly, and it's totally faithful to the swing genre - old school style! It's the perfect length and my fav part was the trumpet solo. As far as suggs, maybe hold off the harmonies until after the first chorus so it builds more gradually. I liked the harmonies but they were a bit too loud in the mix for me - it would be fun to hear you sing a verse or even switch parts for a bit so the male vocal does harmonies?
Nit-picking aside it was a breath of fresh west coast air we don't get enough of here in the stuffy east!
Reminds me of "Always look on the Bright side of Life"
Nice track!
Paul
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Hello CS,
A lovely crafted song with excellent harmonies, a direct harmony and a wonderful title. I enjoyed this instantly Suzy. Brass instruments are excellent!
Well done
Paul
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Hi,
I'm with Paul - it's a cracker! Well crafted, clever and fun. I loved the choice of instruments - brass and piano is a lovely combination. I think this is the most mainstream track you've come up with so far but it's still very clearly "you". I thought this couplet was very clever:
"Trying so hard to find the peace within
But everything you like they call a sin"
Clever use of the double meaning of "peace" within the board game analogy.
What is there not to like? This put a smile on my face and had my toes tapping. Excellent song executed with a lovely light touch.
M
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Hello;
so cool how you use these trumpets to lift up the song.
always such a pleasure.
so unique; it swings !!
The mix:
well; the drum section could sound a little "bigger" - but it does t really matter.
Always love your music.
B
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Nice wee swinging number. That 'playing on the game board of life' is really catchy. Nice Jools Holland style piano playing going on here. The two vocals complimented each other very nicely. When the brass comes in I felt it was held back a little - felt it could have injected a bit more energy into the track instead of being held back. It works as is but personally I'd love if the brass had have cut loose like the piano did and like it does briefly in the outro.
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hiya suzi & co
like the lyrics , nice piano
you say you been working on it for a while and yet it sounds fresh & not overcooked..
lovely lose feel and nice light touch on the production,
vocals sound natural together
reminds of eddie reader and fairground attraction.. great scottish band
love the trumpet
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Hi Suzy, very authentic sounding swing song, loved the trumpets , they sounded great. The lyric is very good a great little song! Harmonies were very good too. I would have pushed the drums up a bit and had more of a 'walking' bass going on!
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie ;D ;D
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Hi CS
I really liked this - it has a nice intro that sets the mood perfectly, and it's totally faithful to the swing genre - old school style! It's the perfect length and my fav part was the trumpet solo. As far as suggs, maybe hold off the harmonies until after the first chorus so it builds more gradually. I liked the harmonies but they were a bit too loud in the mix for me - it would be fun to hear you sing a verse or even switch parts for a bit so the male vocal does harmonies?
Nit-picking aside it was a breath of fresh west coast air we don't get enough of here in the stuffy east!
Reminds me of "Always look on the Bright side of Life"
Nice track!
Paul
Why, thanks a lot my fellow Can. ;D I'm glad you liked the horns, and that the song brought you a breath of fresh WC air, although the air out here has been far from fresh lately, with so many forrest fires ablaze :o but we're finally getting some rain ;D
Thanks for the suggestions about the vocals :) I thought maybe the harm. was too loud, but in the first mix I posted, people thought they were too low ::) ::) maybe the 3rd time lucky :P
I'd like to switch up the vocals, but the melody is either too high or too low for me :o
"Always look on the Bright side of Life" ;D ;D I love this song :) :)
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Hello CS,
A lovely crafted song with excellent harmonies, a direct harmony and a wonderful title. I enjoyed this instantly Suzy. Brass instruments are excellent!
Well done
Paul
Thanks for the kind comments Paul :) I'm glad you liked this song :) it means a lot :)
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This is not my style of music, but I have to acknowledge that this is a really good song ;D Great retro vibe; the piano is my favourite. The trumpet is great too.
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Hello CS,
A lovely crafted song with excellent harmonies, a direct harmony and a wonderful title. I enjoyed this instantly Suzy. Brass instruments are excellent!
Well done
Paul
Thanks for the thumps up on the harmonies, title and the brass Paul :) Much appreciated :)
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Hi,
I'm with Paul - it's a cracker! Well crafted, clever and fun. I loved the choice of instruments - brass and piano is a lovely combination. I think this is the most mainstream track you've come up with so far but it's still very clearly "you". I thought this couplet was very clever:
"Trying so hard to find the peace within
But everything you like they call a sin"
Clever use of the double meaning of "peace" within the board game analogy.
What is there not to like? This put a smile on my face and had my toes tapping. Excellent song executed with a lovely light touch.
M
I'm humbled M :) thanks for such a kind review and noticing the double meaning of "peace" ;)
I gotta create the odd mainstream-ish song once in a while, or people will think I'm way out in
left field ::) ;D ;D
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Hello;
so cool how you use these trumpets to lift up the song.
always such a pleasure.
so unique; it swings !!
The mix:
well; the drum section could sound a little "bigger" - but it does t really matter.
Always love your music.
B
Thanks so much for your support B :) I was wondering if the drums needed to be a little louder ???
Thanks for the thumbs up on the trumpets :) :)
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Nice wee swinging number. That 'playing on the game board of life' is really catchy. Nice Jools Holland style piano playing going on here. The two vocals complimented each other very nicely. When the brass comes in I felt it was held back a little - felt it could have injected a bit more energy into the track instead of being held back. It works as is but personally I'd love if the brass had have cut loose like the piano did and like it does briefly in the outro.
Thanks S4M :) I'm glad you liked it :) the melody to 'playing on the game board of life' was how this song came about, as so many songs do...I was driving along one day and this little melody popped into my head, so I kept singing it, so I wouldn't forget it, till I got home and recorded it :o
I was fortunate enough to have a good friend, who's a really good piano player...I on the other hand, am not a very good trumpet player :-[ :-[
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Great lyrics and nothing wrong with the song or the performance but I must say that (coming from you) this was a bit too mainstream for my taste. Don't get me wrong, it's a solid piece of work but not so inspiring and quirky as I come to expect from you. But than this is not my genre at all so I'm probably biased by that as well. Nah, ignore me, I'm just an old fart ;D
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Love the swing, and the clever, light-hearted lyric is perfect here.
The real trumpet sounds great! As does the piano of course.
I like the 'falling apart' bit that some were a bit unsure of. Plays and teeters just enough on the edge of the rhythm without ever falling off.
vocal delivery was nice and laid-back...again suited the song well..and the vocal harmonies were great.
Enjoyed it immensely.
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hiya suzi & co
like the lyrics , nice piano
you say you been working on it for a while and yet it sounds fresh & not overcooked..
lovely lose feel and nice light touch on the production,
vocals sound natural together
reminds of eddie reader and fairground attraction.. great scottish band
love the trumpet
thanks so much for your very kind comments nooms :) means a lot coming from you :)
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Hi Suzy, very authentic sounding swing song, loved the trumpets , they sounded great. The lyric is very good a great little song! Harmonies were very good too. I would have pushed the drums up a bit and had more of a 'walking' bass going on!
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie ;D ;D
I'm so glad you liked this little swing song Jamie:) thanks for the thumbs up on the horns, harms and lyrics...means a lot :) I will push the drums up a bit, but I'm afraid I can't do too much about
the bass, but I agree :) :)
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This is not my style of music, but I have to acknowledge that this is a really good song ;D Great retro vibe; the piano is my favourite. The trumpet is great too.
Thanks for listening and taking the time to leave a comment 'ER', even though this isn't your style :)
I agree...the piano is awesome and thanks for the thumbs up on the horns :) :)
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Great concept for a song Suze. I guess when you roll the dice on songs like you do, I shouldn't be surprised with what you come up with. I loved the swing idea, been trying to do some thing in the jazz swing arena myself but its all been failures so far. Maybe one day.....
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Great lyrics and nothing wrong with the song or the performance but I must say that (coming from you) this was a bit too mainstream for my taste. Don't get me wrong, it's a solid piece of work but not so inspiring and quirky as I come to expect from you. But than this is not my genre at all so I'm probably biased by that as well. Nah, ignore me, I'm just an old fart ;D
Sorry JB :( I know this one is a little mainstream, but once in a while I have to put one out, just so peeps don't think I'm totally whacked out ;D ;D I thought the lyrics were a little quirky ::)
thanks for for listening anyway :)
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Love the swing, and the clever, light-hearted lyric is perfect here.
The real trumpet sounds great! As does the piano of course.
I like the 'falling apart' bit that some were a bit unsure of. Plays and teeters just enough on the edge of the rhythm without ever falling off.
vocal delivery was nice and laid-back...again suited the song well..and the vocal harmonies were great.
Enjoyed it immensely.
Thanks so much for your very kind comments Cramer, and for your thumps up on the trumpets.... especially on the teetering solo :) :)
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Lovely song.
It is one of the more accessible numbers you have posted here. It is almost radio friendly!! Were it not so unashamedly retro. A lost 50s swing number and why the heck not!
The M/F vocal is lovely and suits perfectly. I love the lyric idea and implementation.
The soft bass and brassy brass (redundancy noted but intended ;) ) work for the era you are trying to encapsulate.
Little to criticise, I am just gonna listen again!
JNx
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Hi CS,
Amazing work guys....your stuff gets better and better.
Great fun track. Love the lyrics. The musicianship is just
excellent. The only thought I had was that the 'honky tonk'
on the piano could be 'turned up' a bit.........meaningless
detail really ;D ;D
Loved it..
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Great concept for a song Suze. I guess when you roll the dice on songs like you do, I shouldn't be surprised with what you come up with. I loved the swing idea, been trying to do some thing in the jazz swing arena myself but its all been failures so far. Maybe one day.....
Thanks for stopping by for a listen and leaving such nice comments Allan :) This is my one and only swing tune, so not a genre I'm very familiar with, but it was fun to do :o
I predict, you'll turn out a swing tune in the near future :) :)
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Lovely song.
It is one of the more accessible numbers you have posted here. It is almost radio friendly!! Were it not so unashamedly retro. A lost 50s swing number and why the heck not!
The M/F vocal is lovely and suits perfectly. I love the lyric idea and implementation.
The soft bass and brassy brass (redundancy noted but intended ;) ) work for the era you are trying to encapsulate.
Little to criticise, I am just gonna listen again!
JNx
Thanks so much for your very supportive review JN :) So, by more accessible, you must mean
more mainstream, because apparently this is one of my most mainstream tunes yet ;D ;D
and 'almost radio friendly!!' ~ I love it, and I take that as a real compliment coming from you :-*
Thanks for the thumbs up on the vocals, lyrics and 'brassy brass' ;) I wasn't too sure any of that was totally working, but hey, it's 50's retro swing, so what the hell :-* ;D
I'm glad you found it catchy :)
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Hi CS,
Amazing work guys....your stuff gets better and better.
Great fun track. Love the lyrics. The musicianship is just
excellent. The only thought I had was that the 'honky tonk'
on the piano could be 'turned up' a bit.........meaningless
detail really ;D ;D
Loved it..
Hi Bin :) thanks so much for-listening and taking the time to leave a very kind comment :) means
a lot coming from you :) you're absolutely right...the "honky tonk' on the piano needs to be turned up a notch ;D ;D