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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Paulski on October 05, 2014, 02:10:14 AM
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Hi Forumulites
Here is my contest entry. Many thanks to the lyrics people for their advice and encouragement. and thanks to my grandkids who did the screams.
Any advice or comments on the song or mix are most welcome. Oh, and there is an extra extro after the fade so if you can put up with it a bit longer, don't bail too early!
Thanks in advance
Paul
https://soundcloud.com/paulcanuck/zombies-are-coming
Zombies are Comin!
Copyright © 2014 Tennyson Road Music
My neighbour came callin' in the dead of night
His knees were knockin' and his face was white
I couldn't understand him - he was stammerin' on
As he stood on my varandah with pajamas on
I thought he would choke
On the words he spoke
But he managed to spit them out
"Zombies are comin'! They're on our street!
Zombies are comin'! Better move your feet!"
Well I may be superstitious but I ain't no fool
The neighbour's known for his drinkin' (and he'd had a few)
So I ran out in the alley way to check it out
And what I was saw was so appalling I got set to shout
Did you ever dream
And you wanted to scream
But you couldn't get it out of your mouth?
Zombies are comin' - They're on our street
Zombies are comin' - and they want our meat
Zombies are comin' - when the dead attack
Zombies are comin' - better watch your back!
Now there's my auntie Mary, dear uncle Fred
After eighty years of married, ten years of dead
There's my ugly granny, half her face is gone
She's lookin' twice as good as when her life was on
Jerry and Jean
Lookin' scarey and mean
Makin' everybody run and shout!
Zombies are comin' - and they're on our street
Zombies are comin' - and they want our meat
Zombies are comin' – when the dead attack
Zombies are comin' - better watch your back
Oh they came in late November and December too
Be a shame if they remember to dismember you
But maybe they'll get tired and go back to their crypts
Gee, I hope it's not the start of an Apocalypse!
Where the zombies control
This little world we know
And the rest of us turn to chow!!
Zombies are comin' - and they're on our street
Zombies are comin' - and they want a treat!
Zombies are comin' – when the dead attack
Zombies are comin' - better check your back
Zombies are comin'
Zombies are comin'
Zombies are comin' – when that thing attacks
Zombies are comin' – better SWING.. THAT.. AXE!!!
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Hi Paul,
Do you know, I thought I would hate this. Most lyrics of this nature turn into songs I find limp and twee. But you have smacked this one around!!! I grinned all the way through it!
There's always something new and interesting happening in the arrangement, and the pace never lets up. You've thrown loads of ideas at it, but they've all landed carefully.
And the "understand / stammerin' / stood / verandah / pyjamas" alliteration and rhyme sequence is a slightly breathtaking, for all that it appears you've casually tossed it off.
Yeah, I generally can't stand novelty records, but this is a really good one.
Matt
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Hi Paul,
I've been looking forward to hearing this ever since you posted the lyrics; it doesn't disappoint.
All done with your tongue firmly planted in your cheek.
There's some great guitar work in there. A complete mish mash of styles - which i'm calling Psycho Country. There's a bit of Norman Greenbaum, The Doors, Country, 50s rock n roll, the list goes on. Scooby Doo even.
I thought it was great.
Digger
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Wwwwbbbbhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
This is such a brilliant concept and production. Schlock-horror-n-roll. Awesome! ;D
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Loved it!
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Hi Paul, great playing and execution from you as usual! Not a song type I would listen to but I can appreciate your hard work in producing this song. It's right on the money for the songwriting competition brief!
Good luck
Jamie
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Excellent stuff, I wasn't sure about it tbh when I read the lyrics but I really enjoyed it. Very well executed :)
This is gonna be a great little competition methinks :)
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First up - the lyrics are brilliant; funny, clever, original and unexpected. My favourite couplet is this:
"Oh they came in late November and December too
Be a shame if they remember to dismember you"
but there is so much brilliant work here it's hard to pick one part out. Instrumentally spot on - first class production, instrument choice, mix and vocals.
The intro using an old film soundtrack is brilliant as is the outro - so much humour and sheer inspiration here. I can't find anything I'd change and this is going to be impossible to beat in the competition IMHO.
Truly excellent.
M
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@tokenangmoh
Hey Matt - glad you didn't hate it (or hate to love to hate it... ;D ;D) and appreciated that stammerin couplet - took a few goes to sing that one right. Thanks for the comments!
@digger72
yeah showing my age with all those influences hehe. Thanks for the kind remarks. Psycho Country - I'm gonna use that one ;D
@caco
Thanks! Gotta give credit to the "Night of the Living Dead (1968)" which is in public domain thankfully so could mash up the intro. Apparently it was criticized for playing to teens at the time given its horror content.
@Michael Christoph
So glad you liked it - thanks for saying that!
@Jamie
Appreciate the recognition - not as much work as you might think- still could use some tweaks but we're never 100% satisfied are we?
@habiTat
Cheers for the nice comments - looking forward to seeing your video! As I've said, competition will be "stiff" :o :o
@montydog
What can I say after such a glowing review - made my day!! Thanks so much for that.
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HEY PAUL
you've nailed this man,
you've thrown everything into this even the kitchen sink
i love the humour in this real pick me up eat me song ha ha
this is gonna take some beating bud ( TIP MY HAT SIR )
GOOD LUCK IN THE COMP PAUL GREAT START
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Hi Paul,
I'm pleased my entry is recorded otherwise I'd have given up, this is really good. Reminds me a little of Alice Cooper as well, I notice a similar sense of humour. I hope you've paid your grandchildren.
Going to be tough,
Keith
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A masterpiece of arrangement for this kind of song with all the voices and effects.
A really lyrical delight too.
You've really gone to town with this one and it makes for a great and appropriate entry for the competition. Tongue in cheek and not tazking itself too seriously. Halloween's a bit of a show after all, isn't it.
Saying that you've certainly taken the building of the song seriously...must have taken ages.
It was Worth it!
Good one!
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Paul, ive benn Looking forward to listening to this since I first read the lyrics and they put a smile on my face.
And it doesn't disappoint, great peice of lively trash rock, with attitude and lashings of fx's and audio.
Neat backing vocals and organ.
Lots of fun
:)
Neil
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Ha Paulski,
i just came here to check out the competition.... ;)
and yes, that is pretty strong competition.... :P :P
once again a lot of fun track, very creative!!! and rocking!!!!!!!!!!
man, that break: better swing that.....axe ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Hi Paulski!
Very ZZTop-iesque song! ;-)
I really like the vocal treatment, I just miss a louder guitar sound!
I also like the little sounds throughout the song and they never seem out of place.
Couldn't help myself but think that you could make a video clip of out of it.
Nono.
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OMG Paul! That is "bloody" brilliant and seeing how I just started watching the "Walking Dead" on Netflix, it's perfect :o :o
What's in the drinking water in Eastern Canada anyway?? You come up with some pretty amazing stuff 8)
You should definitely get a video happening with this and post it on youtube...maybe it'll go viral :o
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@Benjo
Thanks so much for your kind words Tony! Yeah - I guess it is a bit Apacolyptic in places. Cheers
@diademgrove
Fortunately my grandkids scream for free. Much more cooperative than that zombies union ??? ???. They did a "walk off" right in the middle of recording this! >:( Thanks for the nice remarks!
@cramer1930
Cheers for the positive comments - yeah I guess it was a bit time-consuming if I'm honest - but it didn't feel like it at the time ;D.
@Neil C.
Thanks Neil - happy you liked it. "trash rock" - that's a good one too ;D.
@DutchBeat
Thanks for checking it out and saying those nice things. Looking forward to hearing your entry too!
@retrononomusic
Thanks for the ZZ-top reference - that is something I had in mind when recording. Louder guitar? I'd have to learn how to play better before I turn that up. I don't have the chops for multimedia - hoping someone that does might take a crack... ;)
@crystalsuzy
Hey - glad you liked it! I get my inspiration from something magical in the wind from the Canadian west - so keep sprinkling whatever it is you're sprinkling... 8) 8)
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Brilliant Paul Absolutely Brilliant the best Zombie movie i ever heard, tell me is your grandkids giving you nightmares ;D ;D i seen this Zombies TV show last week and there was this little kid a really cute little kid he was, until he turn ZOMBIE, you should have seen those grownups run ;D ;D
Really Brilliant Paul.
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Brilliant Paul Absolutely Brilliant the best Zombie movie i ever heard, tell me is your grandkids giving you nightmares ;D ;D i seen this Zombies TV show last week and there was this little kid a really cute little kid he was, until he turn ZOMBIE, you should have seen those grownups run ;D ;D
Really Brilliant Paul.
Hey Pat - thanks for the kind feedback - glad you liked it!
Paul
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Hi Paulski
Your usual high quality, a great arrangement which keeps up the interest all the way through the song.
Has the quirky sense of humour I associate with the B-52's. A lot of effort has obviously gone into this and it shows, excellent vocals, playing and production.
This will do well in the competition, nice one!
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Scary and funny at the same time. Few can pull THAT off.
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Hi Paulski
Your usual high quality, a great arrangement which keeps up the interest all the way through the song.
Has the quirky sense of humour I associate with the B-52's. A lot of effort has obviously gone into this and it shows, excellent vocals, playing and production.
This will do well in the competition, nice one!
Cheers on the nice comments DevyE
Paul
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Scary and funny at the same time. Few can pull THAT off.
Full credit to my grandkids for the convincing screams
thanks Verlon - nice to see ya back!
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Hot damn Paul! YEAH
Although what was I expecting? Your songs are always a treat on the ears, and this is no exception.
That guitar sound is spot on. Sounds like it's put through a half-cocked wah wah pedal or something? Whatever you've done, it sounds raw, bruv. And when the other guitars come in, it just gets better.
You know what this reminds me of? If 'Thriller' had been a Neil Young song ;)
My only slight crit with this recording is the vocal sound, particularly in the beginning before the arrangement really kicks in. It doesn't sound quite 'bedded in' to my ears, but I lack the technical vocab to really say what I mean. It's just a bit loud, and slightly out of place EQ wise? Or maybe that's the point?
Either way, this is quality as usual Paul, can hear lots of work has gone into this. And it's always a pleasure to hear the way you handle a guitar.
Gonna be a close contest this halloween comp.... :)
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really fun track paul
amazing lyric & performance worthy of warren zevon, ..he'll be stirring up there with this
really kicks along nicely cant help but get into it
great stutter too ..
outro took me by surprise..is that your dog ?
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@Tone
Hey - thanks for those kind words! Yeah the lead vocals have been treated a bit - I added distortion in a narrow band of frequencies because I felt my voice was a bit too clean for this (wish I had some gravel sometimes!) and also put an exciter on them to bounce them off left and right sides a bit. Maybe went a bit overboard? Or maybe I just need to edge them down a bit in volume in places. Thanks for mentioning that
@nooms
Thanks for the nice words! My dog? Man, they told me they were ZOMBIES! Last time I'll deal with those guys!