The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: TheButcher on February 19, 2014, 10:31:53 AM
-
Hello;
This is the first song where i tried out...strings. I ve had some mixing issues...still, it s done :)
When i look out of my window here, there are mountains everywhere; so; maybe that s the inspiration - but it s also bout longing for....something; maybe peace...inside.
Thank you everyone for your time.
Feedback on anything is appreciated.
your butcher - hihi
https://soundcloud.com/inside-man-1/across-the-mountains
Across the mountains
I cross the mountains, never to return, for you i will
for you i will
Daunting mountains, won t let me go, for you they will
for you they will
Down by an endless sea
the skies are endlessly free
follow me into the night
you will be alright
I found a place, where we can be on our own, if that s your will
if that s your will
Across the mountains, where the willows sleep, we ll find peace, if that s your will
if that s your will
Down by an endless sea
the skies are endlessly free
follow me into the night
you will be alright
I m forsaken
and filled with greed
but i ve seen beauty
and she lives forever
if there is beauty than she
she lives forever
Aaahhhhhhhh- Ohhhhhh- Mhhhhhhh
-
Your SoundCloud link didn't work for me - but I searched for the title and found it anyway.
This has a really nice mix of landscape and portrait. There's a lovely yearning quality to the music and I like the crushed harmonies - they added depth.
I'm listening on crappy speakers and everything in the mix is coming through pretty clearly. Perhaps you might choose to back the strings off at times?
I enjoyed this one.
Matt
-
Hello,
Ahm. the Link works fine here.
Sometimes there are soundcloud issues so maybe that s the problem cause the link is correct.
Tx alot for your feedback on my song. Yes, I could change the volumes here and there a little; the mix isn t perfect.
So glad you like the "crushed harmonies" - cause i like them too, but other people didn t. Me, i can t imagine the song without them :)
"yearning" ....THAT S definetely right...
thanks a lot for your reply
-
Sometimes there are soundcloud issues so maybe that s the problem cause the link is correct.
Yeah, I realised shortly after I posted that SoundCloud is having a bad day, which there seem to be a lot of lately...
Just listened again and thought I'd add that the broken-sounding progression at
follow me into the night
you will be alright
is very moving. It undercuts the lyrics and makes me feel the singer's promises are more hopes than vows.
And I'd also add that you do a great job with the repeated piano figure.
-
Just listened again and thought I'd add that the broken-sounding progression at
follow me into the night
you will be alright
ahm, tx, just to make sure we re talking bout the same thing: broken sounding progression: you mean the strings? (the high ones?)
Tx a lot my friend
-
Well, I guess the strings are responsible for most of it, but I'm talking about the chord changes around the word "night" in the second chorus. On the word night, the strings play a note that makes the harmony pretty much discordant, but it works beautifully.
You don't do it in the first chorus. Which I also like - it makes the change more disturbing.
-
Okay, now i really checked it.
Everything you say is right.
2nd chorus; during the line "follow me into the night" - the guitar plays an A major chord and the strings play an f' followed by an e'
The f' was the thing that many people didn t like. I know it s kinda out of key there; but when i played it that way i liked it right away...going from f to e (with that A major chord underneath) is like descending down into the night and it s my fav. part of the song.
That s the good thing when you do your own music. You can do whatever feels right - hehe.
And it s really really satisfying when people (You) hear that and like it.
The fact that you listened to that detail and really felt it makes me really proud. :)
all the best
Daniel
-
Hi TB, nicely constructed song, the.arrangement and playing we're also nice. Liked your vocals too! Interesting chord structures, somewhat out of the normal structures ,which I liked. I liked the discord mentioned by Matt earlier too, but in the guitar solos there is a bit of a clash with the strings. Only listening on my I pad, but as far as I could tell the mix sounded fine. If this is your first foray with strings it sounds good to me! Lyrics fitted nicely with the sound and arrangement.
Nice one.
Cheers
Jamie
-
Hey J;
thank you for your kind words; they are heard and appreciated :)
-
Hey Butcher :)
I know you're still pretty new here, so just a quick reminder that the guidelines for posting allow for only one song every 14 days on this board. You can read them in full by following the link in my signature.
Thank you :)
-
Ok you can come out of the corner now.
This is a really good song. Nice interweave of guitar/piano in the intro. Well-paced. Good structure. The strings work fine for me. Like the long instrumental finish - nice guitar sound! Oh, like the vocal style and delivery too!
Good stuff!
-
@ tone
Oh, sorry; yes, i remember reading it - but somehow i didnt count the days since my last "song" post..so: sorry *ashamed*
@cramer
Thank you my friend *steps out of the corner*
-
hey Mr Butcher.
Interesting faded intro with various elements, with a bit tension between the piano and the strummed acoustic on the minor chord.
Stately music and words support each other. Vocals suited and liked the guitar solos.
Not entirely sure whether the transition section from 2.48 to 3.25 is needed?
Big widescreeen feel to it.
:) :)
Neil
-
This is a super cool track my friend, though i am sure yiu already know that. Some sumptuous guitar play included. Strong vocal and a lovely clear production. I wasnt so sure about the discord areas, especially that invloved the backing track rather than the melody where it would be more fleeting if you know what i mean.
I loved the build up at the start and tying ity together with the piano outro. I would suggest some extra reverb on the piano especially when it is playing solo. The mountainous outdoor setting you have chosen for the song is just crying out for some reverb and makes the piano seem out of place in context with the song. But this is a minor nitpick in what i think is a fantastic song.
Kudos to you.
Allan.
-
@Mr. Neil C
with a bit tension between the piano and the strummed acoustic on the minor chord.
;D
Not entirely sure whether the transition section from 2.48 to 3.25 is needed?
i m not sure too..well, maybe i am; i t needed this quiet part to bring back the instruments later. And i like humming.
Big widescreeen feel to it.
haha - yeah, first time i heard that, but it fits pretty good.
Tx a lot
@seriousfun
This is a super cool track my friend, though i am sure yiu already know that
well; ic an say, that i like it and that i m satisfied with it for now.
Some sumptuous guitar play included
*looks up sumptuous in online dict (mr. butcher is not nativ speaking)* -> ah, okay;well thank you :)
I wasnt so sure about the discord areas, especially that invloved the backing track rather than the melody where it would be more fleeting if you know what i mean
to be honest, i m not really sure what you mean, but that s the language barrier i guess; don t worry.
I would suggest some extra reverb on the piano especially when it is playing solo
i understand what you mean and i m generally not satisfied with the piano vsts in my DAW...
Kudos to you.
Oh, that s so nice. butcher is happy.
Tx guys
-
Hi,
What a cracking song. Lots of build ups and releases. The playing is great, and the vocal draws you in. You feel at one with the song.
I love the whole section from 2.48. Great to have some drama in a song. Nice fat tone on the guitar solo.
I can't say anything as a critic as it is beyond me, but as a listener; excellent.
Cheers,
Digger
-
I can't say anything as a critic as it is beyond me, but as a listener; excellent.
oh, that s a big compliment.
I don t make music for critics, but for myself and anyone who can connect to this :)
thank you my friend. your words are really nice
-
This is good and well put together, but i feel it reminds me of another song that i can`t remember the name of at the moment?
-
I found this very pleasant to listen to. I particularly liked the instrumental parts. I caught myself singing along which is a very good sign.
-
hi butcher
enjoyed this
great vocal and track builds lovely, nice changes, tight & loose !
quite satisfying
excellent gtr solo, knock out
thought you over egged the ending a little maybe
but great stuff
-
@songsthatcry
thank you my friend.
I think the way it is arranged might remind you of sth; especially the string stuff.
The singing melody is pretty new i gues...well; i hope :)
@hardtwistmusic
I found this very pleasant to listen to. I particularly liked the instrumental parts. I caught myself singing along which is a very good sign.
;) Yeah !! singing along is GREAT. Big compliment.
@nooms
thought you over egged the ending a little maybe
Yeah, maybe. At this point i m much in a "drama" kinda mood when it comes to writing....
Thank you so much for your time and support
-
Hello;
This is the first song where i tried out...strings. I ve had some mixing issues...still, it s done :)
When i look out of my window here, there are mountains everywhere; so; maybe that s the inspiration - but it s also bout longing for....something; maybe peace...inside.
Thank you everyone for your time.
Feedback on anything is appreciated.
your butcher - hihi
https://soundcloud.com/inside-man-1/across-the-mountains
Across the mountains
I cross the mountains, never to return, for you i will
for you i will
Daunting mountains, won t let me go, for you they will
for you they will
Down by an endless sea
the skies are endlessly free
follow me into the night
you will be alright
I found a place, where we can be on our own, if that s your will
if that s your will
Across the mountains, where the willows sleep, we ll find peace, if that s your will
if that s your will
Down by an endless sea
the skies are endlessly free
follow me into the night
you will be alright
I m forsaken
and filled with greed
but i ve seen beauty
and she lives forever
if there is beauty than she
she lives forever
Aaahhhhhhhh- Ohhhhhh- Mhhhhhhh
Hey, good vocal, I think the melody gets a little to relaxed, but it's good easy listening.
Good song!
Alive
-
thanks a lot my friend
-
This is very good love the start, you had me on the mountains, but to me you need a valley sound and i think you can get that if you follow the words.
What im saying is you sound more interested in the music, mix the two together that way then they work together, just a thought 8)
-
hello and tx a lot
What im saying is you sound more interested in the music, mix the two together that way then they work together, just a thought Cool
ahm, sorry, what do you mean? :)
You re right; i m more into music than lyrics. I m not english speaking so, i just use words to transport the music :)
-
I can't get this song from soundcloud. Is anyone else having trouble?
-
ahmmm....no :)
sometimes sc is...complicated. should work, though
-
Lovely production and that guitar is absolutely sublime. I think the strings are spot on - really beautifully done. I thought the lyrics had a lovely natural, unforced feel to them. The piano figure is gorgeous as is the vocal. I pretty much love everything about this - it's a right cracker.
The structure maintains interest throughout - I was never drifting off. It sounds like a classic hit record - I'd buy it. That melody on the chorus is sooo hooky and then that guitar comes in........
Wonderful song.
-
Hello butcher! Are you a real butcher?
I really enjoyed your song! The only bit i was not sure of was the strings during the guitar solos - i thought the solo was great but the strings brought it down a little. But i liked the strings elsewhere.
I really enjoyed the bit where it got quieter with the voice doing non-wordy stuff towards the end - that sounded lovely to me.
Sorry for the short review.....got lots to catch up on! I'll definitely listen again though.
-
LOVED THIS REALLY FANTASTIC
great vocals lyrics stunning to me and musically loved every bit of it
KUDOS, on this what a cracker good luck with it
really well produced pleasure to listen to
-
@montydog
Wow! big compliments; dunno what to say....
I thought the lyrics had a lovely natural, unforced feel to them
that makes me kinda proud, cause i m not native speaking; and; with lyrics; i try not to force myself to write something. so, it s so cool that you mention this "unforced" feel :) Tx
@caco
Are you a real butcher?
...well, no. I know, i should rethink my user name....
with the voice doing non-wordy stuff towards the end
ah, that s great; i love humming.
Sorry for the short review
your review is great; it has everything in it :) Tx
@benjo
Thank you too so much my friend :)
-
@caco
Are you a real butcher?
...well, no. I know, i should rethink my user name....
Nah i like it! And i like your Lego slaughterman! Made me smile ;D
-
I really like what you've done here...well written, nicely arranged, well recorded, played and sung.
I think the mix is is little lopsided at times in the volume and left / right info but that's easily addressed if you decide to.
Nice journey!
-
@caco
Nah i like it! And i like your Lego slaughterman! Made me smile Grin
:)
good - hope people don t take this stuff too serious; it s bout the music in the end...so glad you liked it.
@dfna
I think the mix is is little lopsided at times in the volume and left / right info but that's easily addressed if you decide to.
you are so right and tx a lot for listening.
I hear these issues now too. I had too much gain input when recording the vox....maybe i ll fix it; but now; im already up to sth new...so....still; you re right.
tx a lot 4 your reply
'butch'
-
Another fan of the track here
I didn't "get" the cricket sound FX, which I thought cheapened the track ever so slightly
I am not sure whether it was intentional or not but I was "uncomfortable" with the introduction of some of the instruments in the middle of a bar - probably due to them being faded in
The drums sound great and "thuddy" and give a real strength to the track, supporting that wonderful vocal
I like the "Floydesque" guitar work and arrangement
I think you have pulled the strings off well, with those lovely "dischords"
There are just a few places where I think you have "over played" them where they sound played on a key board rather than authentic strings - if you want to create the illusion of real strings I would say "less is more" and concentrate on the modulation, volume etc.
I really, really, really like the piano motif at the beginning and end
I thought this melody got a little lost within the track itself, which I thought was a shame - I would have carried this throughout the song letting it poke through every now and again as a "hook"
Overall though I thought this was a great song
-
tx 4 your great reply boydie,
I didn't "get" the cricket sound FX
i know, it s soo bad :)
I am not sure whether it was intentional or not but I was "uncomfortable" with the introduction of some of the instruments in the middle of a bar - probably due to them being faded in
i understand, but me, i like that - hihi
if you want to create the illusion of real strings I would say "less is more" and concentrate on the modulation, volume etc.
100 % agreed. I didn t touch these things here. just used the preset settings. Will improve in the future. good ears you have :)
I thought this melody got a little lost within the track itself, which I thought was a shame - I would have carried this throughout the song letting it poke through every now and again as a "hook"
i had different responses about that. Generally, i try not to layer too many lanes, cause it causes mixing issues, so....
Overall though I thought this was a great song
Tx a lot my friend.
I think i found some good melodies here, so, i m happy with it too.
-
Most impressed by the landscape of this song
-
Hi, I like this a lot. I really the change in dynamics as the songs. The harmonies at 3mins ish are really effective.
If I'm honest I think it needs a better drum track, to pump up the drama a bit in the odd place. Nothing manic, but with a bit more variation.
Excellent though. Nice work fella
-
@mickeytwonames
Most impressed by the landscape of this song
yeah; cool;i had a hard time panning all the lines, so, good it kinda worked for you.
TX
@Sunfighter
The harmonies at 3mins ish are really effective.
ah, the huming part. Y, it s really simple but adds sth. good.
If I'm honest I think it needs a better drum track
If i m honest, i think so too :)
Thanks for your kind words.
-
Hey there new face :)
I like this too! Lots of comments already picking up on the main points
My main quibble with the production is that the vocal is too dry and mid happy for this style. It needs the 'verb to let it sit in rather in the track, and pushing the mids has given it a slightly microphonic feel that jars. There is an "ahh" second vocal around the 3 minute mark which is worse still for this.
The mix lacks cohesion in general - it sounds so very mutlitracked insofar as many of the sounds aren't gelling as one whole. A big hurdle to overcome in production. The strings, and the guitars all sound like different recordings brought together. It's a bitch to get these things right but a great battle to fight :)
I liked the vocal medlodies and the drama of the piece. And the colour of your chord choices are lovely. I was so taken by the song I didn't really focus on the lyrics, no bad thing to be taken away by all the good going on :)
Lovely introduction to your work and I look forward to hearing more :)
james x
-
Great atmosphere/mood you've created here. The vocals are especially captivating- good job.
I noticed the strings occasionally go out of chord - a minor distraction - hardly noticeable, otherwise everything flows like a river.
Cheers
Paul
-
Wow Butch, this blew me away. Your lyric is exquisite, the music is filled with a haunting, yearning desire which totally meshes with your sexy voice (OMG I just love your voice ;D)
Just want to play it over and over again, fallen in love with this. Well done. Totally awesome!!!
Hugs
Gwyneth