The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Skub on April 03, 2019, 05:46:04 PM
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Yo folks.
Encouraged by Paulski posting an entry which isn't exotic,erotic or neurotic and since anything goes,this is my entry. My logic may be logged as idiotic,so at least it ends with the same letters. :D
Paulski and his sweet pyannie skills helped me out with this one. He's a charmingly helpful chap (for a Canadian) and his playing really put the finishing touches on the track. :)
The topic is self explanatory and a good deal less than cheerful,nevertheless if not actually an enjoyable piece,my hope is that it connects with the listeners.
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955/secrets
If you look into my eyes
You'll see an empty space
I hold my secrets deep inside
You won't read them on my face
Don't ask me questions
You know it's for the best
I'm keeping all my playing cards
Close,to my chest
I must be quiet and never cry
No one must ever know
The police would come and take him
I'd have nowhere to go
Today has been a good one
He hasn't hit me much
Oh,my little brother,he's the one
To get the personal touch.
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Hi Davy (and Paulski),
Really liked this. (Though the whispering freaked me out - always given me the creeps; Like on I'm Not In Love.)
Great playing and I love all the different elements moving the track feel around.
The verse doesn't sound like a verse - it's like you leap straight into a pre-chorus and never let go. Great idea. What did the band Roxette say? "Don't bore us, get to the chorus." Or something along those lines. This does just that - straight to the good stuff.
So much packed in to a short time.
Lyrically - very dark - total contrast to the music. Perhaps that gives it added impact.
Why am I enjoying this song so much when it's about something so bad?
Hope you're well.
Digger
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Exquisite stuff guys. What I particularly like about this one is the attention to dynamics. You bring it up when it's needed and then bring it down, down,down. A dark tale indeed. The whispering was very effective, the lyrics capture the desperation "I must be quiet" Top work Skubster and that Johanna player you recruited ain't half bad too 8)
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strong lyric davey.. simple and heartbreaking
has a kind o byrds'y feel in the vocals and the pace
i really appreciate the way paul supports the track without getting in the way just sits right in there.
the slow bridge is very effective which i found really moving
you have a real gift for outros
guitars superb
yes, you guessed, i like it..
fine collab guys, do some more
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Great song Davey - love the vocals, heartbreaking lyrics and guitars.
And the twists in the arrangement are beyond clever.
I didn't really contribute enough to get a co-write but thanks for the mention - it was a pleasure (and an honour) to be involved in a small way ;D
Paul
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Excellent song guys ;D
Loved it when the bass came in at the end....total surprise ;D
Thought you handled the vocals really well, considering the story.
The whispering is very effective.....and then you rock it up ;D
I was Moved ;D ;D
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I read the lyrics first and was really impressed.
This is a very sad theme. You seem to have a strong capacity to empathize.
The recording was also very strong.
Maybe it's just me but I listened to the music carefully
and sometimes I had the impression you might be showing off a little too much.
I was at times distracted from contemplating the theme and was sort of pulled into marveling at your skill and playfulness.
I thoroughly enjoyed the listen and will listen again.
It's a tough theme, I wouldn't suggest that you revisit it.
Like I said, maybe it's just me over analyzing
Great work. It's always a pleasure to hear from you
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Well if I'm thought to be doing the 80s in my recent songs, at least we have someone making 70s noises to add balance. Are we all stuck in our eras? But this is a lot darker than I can write! Very brave - but sensitively handled.
It's a decent makeshift band with that session piano over the usual skubguitar skill. You vary the dynamics very well and build the song up well too up to its solo climax, although I maybe thought that end bit was a bit too triumphant sounding given the theme. Maybe could have been darker.
Polished piece of work, as ever though. Worth doing this.
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Guys this is a great rock tune.
I always think Pianos complement rock so well.
As usual some great guitars by Davy.
The whispering sections work so well and the vocals are lovely.
Well produced ...enjoyed this.
Sandeep
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Heya guys,
Was sceptical at the beginning; Davy's vocal + guitar is a wonderful combination that the focus on piano felt risky.
But that scepticism only adds to the enjoyment as from start to finish the sound is fantastic, dynamic and engaging. Others have said about the combination of elements carrying a real momentum, great playing by both and real well done composition as a whole.
Difficult lyric but sometimes these things needs exploring, and they're not so obtuse to take away.
Nothing constructive I could say, just to say I think your collab is great and hope to hear more from the two of you!
Cheers,
Scott.
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Loads to like here... where to start? I'll make a list...
- The piano triplet run down in the second bars of the main pattern (ace)
- The reverb / echoes on the main vocal (ace)
- The guitar solos (double ace)
- The way it lifts off in the last section (triple ace)
The whispering in the middle 8 works really well too. It's a heavy subject matter of course, delicately treated.
Good luck in the comp guys - this has got to be one of the heavyweight contenders in the quest.
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Well..it's all been said innit! 8), I remember not so long ago when you were saying you didn't know much about DAW's....ha ha!.. your not fooling anyone Mr Skub, you are a consummate professional..this is amazing stuff!! :) :)
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Powerful stuff, beautifully presented. Not much more to say! Really liking the political(ish) and social themes from you lately.
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@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823)
Hey Diggs,good to hear from ya man,I'm glad you are weathering the storm. Funny,whispering freaks me out too,maybe that's why I used it! :P
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Yeah John,that ivory tinkler has the touch for sure. He's cheap too! :D
@nooms (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=11264)
I'm well chuffed you liked it nooms,Paul gave me exactly what I asked for,he's a very sympathetic player. :)
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
Ah,you made it work,Paul. Thanks man. 8)
@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620)
Yo Bin,happy you connected. I hope you heard it with both ears! ;D
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Thanks for the careful listen,Rightly. You have your finger on something,because I wasn't 100% sure of the way I ended the track. I do like incongruity,but I understand what you say about distractions. It's one of the problems of working alone,there's no one to tell you when to STFU! :D
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
Ha! I could very well be a product of my era. I suppose what's in me comes out! You kind of underline what Rightly said about the song ending and I do take those comments on board. Perhaps I need to rein it in at times. Thanks Michael. :)
@Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528)
Yo Sandeep,thanks for your cool remarks. :)
@ScottLevi (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20495)
Thankya Scott,I'm glad you warmed to the track. :)
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034)
Thank you SongMeister,much appreciated,Paul. :)
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024)
Ha! Professional my hairy arsehole. I'm glad you heard no glaring anomalies,Kevin. Thanks man. ;)
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124)
I'm on my soapbox,Adam. Pretty soon I'll wear out my welcome! Thanks dude. :)
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I don´t know how I missed this one. I have visions of some guy on a road trip through the midwest while this is playing on the radio. Tears of a clown and all that Skuby.
The song is as exquisite as the little guitar break after the whispering and it seems very influenced by American prog rock to me...this wouldn't´t be out of place on any great album by those long-haired dudes from the 70s. Not that it sounds aged at all though. The hardest reviews to write are when the song is too good for words.
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Hey @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) .. caught this on SC a couple days ago.. it’s a great and impactful song (lovely keys @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) !!). Heartbreaking subject matter sensitively handled. The whispering is very effective particularly with the guitar following it. Great vocals - really get the emotion across.
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Just great,Davy.
Super sensitivity in the lyrics and playing too. The whispered bit works brilliantly to unsettle the listener slightly and give pause for thought...a stroke of genius.
Ultimately uplifting too...fantastic to hear the music showing that tragedy needn't be a life sentence.
A treat.
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This is classy work right from the piano intro off.
Excellent performances all round.
Thoughtful arrangement with a kind of classic verse....then it sets out on its own path with that middle bit...(Knopfler guitar!) Then the cool long outro with that bass and some killer guitar. Really nice.
When I first listened it hit me again...as it does with increasing frequency these days...that there is some good stuff here on this forum and I am quite humbled and mindful of my own position in the forum charts....not Champions League!
Anybody else reading this don't be miffed that I didn't make this observation during a comment on your song.....I think you are all very talented! It just came to the fore as I was listening to this one!
Again, classy stuff Davy...and you too Paul...great playing!
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Skub,
Hi great intro and piano from Paul, great vocals here for this sensitive subject.
Really liked the first section, Thoughts - perhaps you could have repeated the first section fully before the solo, its not like its over long tune?
Great solo as ever.
Lots to like here
:)
Neil
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Lovely warm vibe to the track that really worked from the off.
And then that breakdown! Gorgeous stuff there and shades of Dire Straits about it for me.
The transitions to the solo seemed a little confused to me, but once we got there it was triumphant.
All in all felt shorter than it was cos so much good stuff was going on :)
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A very moving piece in every way @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) :( The lyrics really convey a very sad situation, with sensitivity. :( Your vocal delivery does the same.
The music takes us through many different emotions and the piano adds to this journey, delicately :) The whispered part really brings the subject
matter home :'( A very powerful song :)
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@MartynRich (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20533)
Ha! thanks Martyn. You are correct in a lot of ways,my roots are steeped in early rock,way before anyone labelled it 'prog'! :D
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hey Karen,I'm glad the song connected with you. :)
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Yo Paul. I did agonise about the finale part of the song and had my doubts about context. I like how you saw it as a triumph and part of moving on. I'll take that spade and bury my doubts. Thanks Paul. 8)
@Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra
Aw,blown away by your kindness Ian. Paul's piano made the track for me. :)
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856)
Hi Neil,glad you liked it man. I'm kind of on a quest these days to keep my songs as short as possible. Maybe it's a good thing,maybe not,but it's where I'm at currently.
Probably I'll be doing 15 minute songs next! :D
@tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223)
Thanks Tom,you may well be right about the transitions,But I'm taking PaulAds theory and singing 'la,la,la... ;D
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)
Thanks so much,Suze. :)