The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Yodasdad on May 21, 2017, 09:11:48 AM
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Hi All,
https://soundcloud.com/my-idiom/the-big-surprise-master-2-v-135
I was going to leave it a while before posting another song as I feel I've put quite a few up recently but I wanted to get this one on now so that I don't end up putting it on at the wrong time and then missing the deadline for the summer comp.
Anyway, I'll leave you to decide on it's meaning.
Thanks for your time, all comments welcome.
Yodasdad
The Big Surprise - © M Blair 2017
V1
As a child full of wonder
I learned to walk, nothing to run for
Taught to dream not to worry
That someday I would be the hero in the story
Did they lie to me
Chorus
Is this the big surprise?
Is this the wide blue yonder?
Is this the sum of all there is and all that there can be?
Was I sold a lie?
V2
I’ve travelled far since I was younger
down this road I never faltered
I’ve seen the lightning heard the thunder
Survived the flood that took me under.
Was it a fantasy
Mid 8
We’re just mice on a big wheel
keep on turning keep on earning
like a ship in a bottle
going nowhere no returning
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Hi Yodasad
I think this is brilliant. At the start I was thinking...hmm...I wander where this is going. Then the lyrics tied me in and when the chorus come in it was awesome. Really uplifting and catchy without being too obvious. I'm not sure if this is my headphones (most likely is as it's not the first song I've had this with...) but it was really bassy - slightly drowned the other instruments.
Really liked the break. It wasn't just a change of melody but of rhythm too and it works well to break the song up and then back into that awesome chorus. Then we mix it up again for the outro. Really well worked.
Back to the lyrics - I think the theme and the word choice is excellent and very clever. It's an excellent write.
All in all this is a WIN. Well done mate!!
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Really like this. It's catchy, poppy and large but with a bit of a different side to the lyrics.
Mice on a wheel we might have heard before; but the ship in a bottle is a great image.
Love the arrangement as well, the guitars really work when they come in, the middle 8 takes us to a new place, and the breakdowns near the end feel just right.
I think this is one of your best (and there have been some crackers!)
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Hey,
Another great ballad and more excellent singing.
Cool arrangement ....this could easily be a chart ballad.
Like this a lot.
Sandeep
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Ooooer! I can tell from the intro we are in for dark passions & multiple climaxes, emotions tossed about like little boats , heroes made & broken & ….I dont like too much drama after a meal :)
A super song & you are very consistent how you keep rolling these out to this magnificent standard..
The chorus did sound a little familiar but I think it was a bit like a lot of songs & not one in particular...love the soprano!
The M8 set in a funfair was 'a big surprise' & not what I expected but it worked ..
I felt the last choruses were a bit strange, instead of building it up you took it all down,
which was heresy for this genre of dramatic ballad... but I suppose it was right for the anticlimax you were singing about, so thats quite clever :)
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Hi dude.
Yeh great chorus as others have said, Have you tried to double or triple the chorus vocal sections, make them massive.
But like it, great
Andy
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Hey YD.
Yanno,increasingly so I click to listen on a particular song and I feel proud to be part of a forum and even vaguely associated with the talent and imagination that has birthed the tune.
This is one such occasion.
Bits of Beatles and 10cc,but an original work overall.
Just great YD. 8)
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Great work Yoda and exceptional vocals. How do you get that high note or notes. Love the Macca M8. Lovely harmonies, production, top class stuff man :)
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Wow, like the last one you posted, this sounds completely radio ready and sits in that happy place between being commercial and poppy, but still different & original enough to be very interesting & compelling.
I'm really studying the way you sing now - loads of nice touches... just the right amount of trills and embellishments so it does not sound overdone.
I also really like the combination of piano and acoustic guitar at the start, weaved together closely so it almost sounds like a single instrument. And the chugging guitars as the chorus comes in - great.
Theory on lyrics: well, to me this song is about feeling cheated when you've worked hard, done everything asked of you and life still turns out to be a bit of a wet firework. So that leads me to the only piece of dissonance I felt about this song: musically the choruses sound huge, valedictory, fist-pumping and positive, but the lyrics at the point are more bitter. Maybe that juxtaposition is what makes it so interesting... but I sort of felt this could fill stadiums if you span it around so that the verses were about the disappointments, and the choruses were saying "This IS my big surprise, this IS the wild blue yonder...", so it alls comes good at the point where the music swells and suggests victory. (Obviously that would change the meaning of the song though!).
Other than that little observation I thought this was a masterclass in writing, technique, and delivery. Going to study it some more now...
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Very classy.
A great performance of a great song...the change around 2:20 shook things up nicely...and slipped back into the groove very neatly. vocals are fab again. lovely and well-chosen sounds too. the whole nine...
i didn't get any big surprise from the lyrics...so i'd guess it was sarcasm about things not turning out as well as anticipated...
a top quality song :)
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Hi Yoda
What a great ballad this is!
Super lyrics, love the near rhymes ;D
Great chorus - and I love the carnival music M8.
Nice arrangement, superb vocals - oh there I've gone and drooled all over my laptop ::)
Nothing I can suggest here - loved every inch of it. ;D ;D
Paul
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First of all...great sound...oh, nice intro too!
I like the way the last line of the verses heralds the chorus so well.
Great big chorus! Instrumentation good throughout....not nuts about the trumpet/horn but that's a big nothing really as it's subtly used and all works so well anyway.
Guitar in verse 2 nice....really works.
M8 very good this time...nice switch in feel. And song comes back in lovely!
Again I'm predicting a SOTM nomination....hope that isn't going to be the kiss of death like it was last time!
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Hi, really liked the instrumentation and arrangement. Good vocals too. Sounded very Pro to me. I could imagine take that singing this at a concert.
Excellent!
Cheers
Jamie
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I mostly agree with everything everyone has said...I would expect to hear this on the radio or in a movie or on TV. It would be perfect for a story line about someone who has given up on any meaning or happiness in life. Although, I would hope the story would resolve on a happier note in the end. And maybe you could write another song to suit the happy ending, as well. ??? ;D
Wonderful, wonderful!
Vicki
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I like this but its continuing to much, meaning to me its a fast flow.
Keep this recording but try acoustic with your lyrics.
Great song 8)
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The ballad master is at it again. Cant fault those melodies. Another fine bit of work well done. :)
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Hi Yodasdad,
I really enjoyed listening to this track and like the vocals and lyrics especially. Big Surprise is a good idea to encapsulate all the words. I would have said that maybe the music could have lifted more, but, on reflection, the falsetto singing gives that lift adequately.
It is a good song and could be made even more interesting with a clever video, in my humble opinion.
Marrianna:-)
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Hi Yodas Dad. I listened to this song on the bus on my way to work this morning and the chorus is still going round in my head some 15 hours later! You are turning into a bit of a hit factory! In all seriousness I think you write very strong pop songs and they deserve a big audience.
I have only one observation. In my humble opinion the "be" at the end of the penultimate line of the chorus deserves an additional backing vocal which should be I think 3 notes higher up the scale.(or the next note in the arpeggio if that makes better sense) this will add not just the natural harmony but also give a little more emphasis to this critical element of the chorus. It's only one small word but a very powerful melodic part of the song.
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Hi
Good pop ballad. I too could imagine Take That performing it.
Seems to be a lot of strong melodies around at the minute - and this is no different.
The middle 8 is great.
Digger
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Oooh yeah!! Take that falsetto out for a spin mate!! Very nice! ;D Your production skills are awesome mate!
This is a very well put together song. I love the change of pace on the middle 8, very cool!
Yeah, I have to say, no nits from me mate. Very impressive!
I doth my cap once again!
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Well thanks everyone for your comments and taking the time.
Darren1664
I'll check the bass, glad you liked the lyrics, they're always my achilles heel.
Adamfarr
Thanks a lot Adam, much appreciated. The ship in a bottle took a fair bit of thinking about.
Movin Flavour
Cheers, I'm number 1 on the charts in my house (head).
Tina
Thanks. yes, it did feel strange to do a breakdown towards the end but it also felt right and I guess you've got to shake things up every now and then.
Caw prod..
Thank's and no not recently but I'm going to try doubling on my next track now you've remeinded me.
Thanks
Skub
Great compliment coming from you, cheers.
Pompey
Thanks, I guess it is a little Maccaesque now you mention it, yeah.
Paulyx
Man, I'm blushing, i'm sure you're giving me too much credit, but thanks. Thanks for the insight on the lyrics/message it's good to have these things spotlighted.
Paulads
Thanks for listening, yeah, it's a tongue in cheek bit of sarcasm you're right.
Paulski
Thanks man, better your laptop than the piano I reckon.
Viscount Cramer
Thanks for your observations and you didn't jinx it this time!
Jamie
Cheers, If you know Mr Barlow feel free to let him listen, I could be persuaded to let him have it...
Caliamoko
Wonderful works for me, thanks.
I think I'm too inclined to happy endings, I need to try to move a way from them but I know what you mean.
Oldbutyet
Not sure I fully understand your first comment but thanks for taking the time to listen.
Cazrolina
Ballad master...hmm, I guess I am drawn to writing ballads. Glad you liked it. Thanks.
Marrianna
Thanks for listening. Yes a video would be nice but I don't have the skills. Maybe one day.
MickyP
Thanks, maybe I'm in danger of turning into Stocj Aitikin and Waterman :o
Thanks for the observation about the 'be', I'll look at it.
Digger72
Thanks, another Take that reference...I think I need to form a boy band.....time machine anyone?
Lostboy
Thanks for your comments. Yeah, the production takes me far longer than the actual writing of the song. I'm a bit of a perfectionist in that regard, although I'm still a long way from perfection.
Thanks All
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Great song, really enjoyed it, nice vocal, especially in the chorus, I agree with what has already been said about adding some backing vocals in a few places, but apart from that its great, sounds a bit Gary Barlow in a good way. and the mix sounds fine to me, no problems with the bass here
Mikey.
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Hi
I love the way the song builds from the lovely piano and guitar intro to the chorus which highlights your vocal range.
A really catchy anthem song. Its a shame the charts are full of soulless manufactured dross instead of songs like this!
James
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Ok. I think I'm falling in love. That was amazing! You've got a lot of talent. I'm in awe. What are you doing here and not out touring?
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I’m getting used to expecting excellent productions that are packed with emotion from you and this is no exception to that rule. You have a real knack for writing anthemic songs and delivering them with a fine voice. The m8 section is excellent and I love the dynamic achieved by stripping this song back to minimal instrumentation.
Welldone!
Paul
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Great stuff! A well crafted song, solid playing and great vocals. Lots to like here but a few things that could be improved (but remember, just my personal preferences).
Love the intro but I think the vocals came in to loud (just a mix thing) but also a bit too much 'all in', think the build would be greater if the vocals were sung a bit softer.
The chorus is fab but don't take off quite as much as it could: to me
a) the drums needs to come up front and driving the thing
b) same thing with the BV, they really need to add momentum to the chorus and not just bubbling in the background
b) one of the guitars need to come more upfront (the clean one with delay)
That should lift the chorus even more.
Was not to fond of the mid section. It is fun and not bad at all but to me it does not quite fit the song.
Overall the vox is a bit too upfront and the mix a bit "boxy" and lacking a little lustre (but once again, that is just my opinion)
All in all a fab offering though, well done!