[Hugozhor]

V1
Is it my destiny
To suffer all the time?
Is it meant to be
Easy living is a crime?

V2
Is it precious for me
A simple happiness?
Is it so usual
To drowning in sadness?

V3
Is it so hard for me
To reach aims day by day?
Is it the same for all
With all hurdles on their way?

V4
Why´s someone born here
Under blue sunny sky?
Why´s a rain falling
Just on me tell me why?

PreChorus:
When I feel bad
It´s in my head
Appearing pain

Dwells in my heart
A big question mark
Again and again

Chorus 1:
Questions
Questions – without answers
Questions
Questions – eat me like a cancer
Questions
Questions – another whys
Questions
Questions – they´ll never die

Chorus 2:
Questions
Questions – without answers
Questions
Questions – eat me like a cancer
Questions
Questions – another whys
Questions
Questions – they´ll be until I die

[PeeJay]

Hi,

I would put a chorus after verse 2 to break them up. Otherwise it's a long wait and you could fall foul of the 'don't bore us get to the chorus' mantra.

I heard somewhere that you shouldn't have too many unanswered questions in a lyric. Don't know if that's right or wrong.

It's a good refection on an unhappy life and the chorus is rather catchy i think.

Nice one,

Phil.

[Kevin j]

a good lyric, but i'd change the ''i feel bad'' to something a little more descriptive, bad just seems to plain to me, like peejay i would change the structure of the lyric a bit, maybe something like-

verse 1
verse 2
pre-chorus
chorus
verse 3
verse 4
pre-chorus
chorus
verse 1

theres enough repitition in the chorus i don't think it would need to be repeated more than twice, could make the listener tired of the song quicker, though thats not allways true

hope this helps a little

[Sing4me88]

I think the guys have given you spot on advice above. The structure is a bit too left of the field at the moment IMHO. The chorus is catchy and could work well if put to the right melody. The verses and pre a re little bland. Some descriptives might ignite them and give the song a little more character. I think you have some good bones here its simply a matter of reworking what you have and adding a little va va voom.

[Hugozhor]

Hi,

I would put a chorus after verse 2 to break them up. Otherwise it's a long wait and you could fall foul of the 'don't bore us get to the chorus' mantra.

I heard somewhere that you shouldn't have too many unanswered questions in a lyric. Don't know if that's right or wrong.

It's a good refection on an unhappy life and the chorus is rather catchy i think.

Nice one,

Phil.

Hi PeeJay,
thank you for your comment and very good suggestions.
You're right about the structure and the chorus but I wrote this lyric like an escalation of questions that leads to just one time chorus.

This lyric isn't meant to be popular simple some kind of pop song even chorus looks like it.
That's why this unusual structure and only one chorus.

Anyway thank you.


 

[Hugozhor]

a good lyric, but i'd change the ''i feel bad'' to something a little more descriptive, bad just seems to plain to me, like peejay i would change the structure of the lyric a bit, maybe something like-

verse 1
verse 2
pre-chorus
chorus
verse 3
verse 4
pre-chorus
chorus
verse 1

theres enough repitition in the chorus i don't think it would need to be repeated more than twice, could make the listener tired of the song quicker, though thats not allways true

hope this helps a little

Hi Kevin,

thank you for your comment and very good suggestions.
About the structure I wrote it in reply to PeeJay.

You're right about "I feel bad". "Bad" doesn't exactly decribe a feeling I wanted to but it rhymes with "head" and sounds good in a melody flow.

About repeating "questions" in chorus. Written it looks like there are too many repetitions but musically it doesn't sound like that. Every second "questions" is an echo that sounds in left and then in right speaker.

Thank you.

[Hugozhor]

I think the guys have given you spot on advice above. The structure is a bit too left of the field at the moment IMHO. The chorus is catchy and could work well if put to the right melody. The verses and pre a re little bland. Some descriptives might ignite them and give the song a little more character. I think you have some good bones here its simply a matter of reworking what you have and adding a little va va voom.

Hi Sing4me,

thank you very much for your comment and suggestions. Same as I wrote in previous replies. What do you mean "va va voom"? I don't know this.

[Sing4me88]

By va va voom I mean give them a little more flair, colour and life. They are fine as they are but a tad mundane and ordinary. With descriptives it could be really enlivened

[diademgrove]

Hi Hugozhor,

I have no problem with the structure, although I would call the pre-chorus a bridge and the choruses the outro.

I do have a problem with your grammar though as it makes the lyrics difficult to read, or sing. For example, "Is it meant to be easy living is a crime?". This can be taken to mean several things. "Is easy living a crime?" "Is it meant to be that my life will always be hard?" Or even "Is it meant to be that I have to pay for the crime of easy living?"

I think "Is it meant to be?" "Is easy living a crime?" works better. You are asking why is your life as it is and how welcome an easy time would be.

I could make suggestions as to the use of grammar for the other verses but I may be putting words into your song that you never intended.

Feel free to ignore me if you disagree, but if you'd like me to continue just ask.

Overall I think the lyrics could work well and the outro could be spectacular with the right music.

diadem

[Hugozhor]

By va va voom I mean give them a little more flair, colour and life. They are fine as they are but a tad mundane and ordinary. With descriptives it could be really enlivened

Hi Sing4me,
thank you for your explanation. I will consider it.

[Hugozhor]

Hi Hugozhor,

I have no problem with the structure, although I would call the pre-chorus a bridge and the choruses the outro.

I do have a problem with your grammar though as it makes the lyrics difficult to read, or sing. For example, "Is it meant to be easy living is a crime?". This can be taken to mean several things. "Is easy living a crime?" "Is it meant to be that my life will always be hard?" Or even "Is it meant to be that I have to pay for the crime of easy living?"

I think "Is it meant to be?" "Is easy living a crime?" works better. You are asking why is your life as it is and how welcome an easy time would be.

I could make suggestions as to the use of grammar for the other verses but I may be putting words into your song that you never intended.

Feel free to ignore me if you disagree, but if you'd like me to continue just ask.

Overall I think the lyrics could work well and the outro could be spectacular with the right music.

diadem

Hi Diadem (what a nice nickname
thank you for your comment and suggestions.
For example "is easy living a crime" is sure gramatically better but it doesn't fit in melody and words flow.

Anyway thank you for your comment and of course you're welcome to make grammar suggestions.

Hugo