[circlelens]

Hi, so I've recently written and recorded a demo with a mate of mine for these lyrics (I've got another thread open with the demo). But I'd love to see what you guys think about the lyrics without the demo-
I was listening to a lot of def leopard and wanted to try write a Hysteria style song but with just an acoustic guitar and not 17 vocal harmonies!!!!
Anyway here they are-

Could you hold the hand that hurts
For so many losses
Could you kiss the lips that crack
Holding a promise
Could you love the heart that burns
For your smile
Could you love a guy like me
Just for a while

Every word you whisper
Every step you take
Everytime you turn and go
I'll standby and wait
Every tear drop you hide
Bottle it up inside
Every night that your alone
I'll be ready to answer the phone

GAP

Could you heal that broken heart
That weeps for love
Could you mend that hurting mind
That seeks for lust
Could you look into those eyes
Of a man at his end
Would you marry him this time
Become more than just a friend

Every word you whisper
Every step you take
Everytime you turn and go
I'll standby and wait
Every tear drop you hide
Bottle it up inside
Every night that your alone
I'll be ready to answer the phone

(quiet)
Every word you whisper
Every step you take
Everytime you turn and go
I'll standby and wait
Every tear drop you hide
Bottle it up inside
Every night that your alone
 be ready to answer the phone

[tomcrocus]

Hi,
    i really like this i think you're on to a winner,
i'm pleased you used the word "quiet" because it
makes it easy for me the reader to get the tune in
my mind,yeah top notch,
                                   regards,Tom.

[circlelens]

Thanks dude!!! We just performed it for the first time last night on live radio and it went so great!!

[hardtwistmusic]

What a wonderfully simple and deep lyric.  I love these lyrics that say so much with so few words.  I'll go listen to the demo too.  Gotta know now what it sounds like.

[GTB]

I very much like the way you have this structured and how tight the rhythm is when read through.  My only slight niggle is the word 'lust' which seems out of step with the rest of it. I'd change that one word (passion? though you'd lose the rhyme), but then I'm getting on a bit so you may want to ignore me 😀
GTB

[circlelens]

Thanks so much for all your feedback guys here's the link to the demo of it if you are interested- https://m.soundcloud.com/felix-scull/answer-the-phone

[Vintage54]

 Hey man,
     Can't find fault with these lyrics. Beautifully strung together, and touching.

                          Winner
                             Vintage54

[circlelens]

Bump

[KaelJay]

Hi, these lyrics are so great! It's has that emotional spark yet very simple. The words used are so simple but the structure makes it sophisticated. The story is very deep and romantic. The demo is pretty good. I'm very excited on more of your work.