[Jess]

Well hellooooo...it's been so long! (It probably hasn't but it feels like it has been) anyway I'm back and I'm making my critiquing way through the pile of lyrics that sit before me like unopened bills.
Until I can get round to all of them, here is a little piece I started writing in October. I'm going to do that thing where you write what the song is about at the bottom of the post, because I want to see YOUR interpretations

Crash Matt

(Verse 1)
So unfamiliar
A little scared to death
Two shadows dancing round each other
Like we're Satan's silhouettes

(Verse 2)
So apprehensive
A little fear of change
Two eyes are searching in the darkness
For excuses to stay the same

(Pre Chorus)
Cos I saw you
As a threat
And a barrier
A bullet of superior
From the gun of a rogue
Just tryna make this place his home

(Chorus)
(So I) Undid the hard hat
Put down the baseball bat
I'm gunna fall flat
Onto my crash Matt

Undid the hard hat
Put down the baseball bat
Let myself fall flat
Onto my crash Matt

(Verse 3)
So unexpected
A little caught off guard
Can two bodies cautious of deception
Trust to share their battle scars

(Verse 4)
So unprotected
I lay my armour down
Loose limbs that tiptoe through a minefield
We are braver than our doubts

(Pre Chorus)
Cos I saw you
As a threat
And a barrier
A bullet of superior
From a gun of a soldier
Searching for someone to hold

(Chorus)
Undid the hard hat
Put down the baseball bat
I'm gunna fall flat
Onto my crash Matt

Undid the hard hat
Put down the baseball bat
Let myself fall flat
Onto my crash Matt

(Bridge)
When hesitation turns to love
The heart surpasses all regret
Two shadows once danced round each other
Now they intertwine each step  

(Chorus)
Undid the hard hat
Put down the baseball bat
I'm gunna fall flat
Onto my crash Matt  

(So I) Undid the hard hat
Put down the baseball bat
Let myself fall flat
Onto my crash Matt

(Outro kind of thing)
You are just like that
You are my crash Matt
You are just like that
You are my crash Matt

So why did I write the song? Well one of my parents got a new partner and at first I was like WOAH THIS IS NOT HAPPENING and then I grew to like them. The song is a REALLY cryptic way of bringing your walls down and letting someone new into your life, I didn't want it to be two specific to my situation because I wanted people to relate it to themselves. Although yes the title is a pun of his name
  

[Sing4me88]

This is on a complete different level. So different to your normal style but brilliant in equal measure. It has a really quality about it and seems like a real dark Pop vibe that is quite en vogue in the minute with Lorde etc.

I like the start of each verse 'So' and 'a little' - this could be one hell of hook. The last 3 lines of the pre are simply genius IMHO- the lines all have an edge and meaning that marry so well in the end. Loving the line about being Satans silhouettes but my favourite line was

Loose limbs that tiptoe through a minefield
We are braver than our doubts

well at least that was until this magnificent twist line in the bridge

Two shadows once danced round each other
Now they intertwine each step 


If this is the JESS 'come back' then sign me up for more

[JonnyD]

I loved that first verse, especially the last two lines. You had me at 'Satan's silhouettes' - brilliant image.

Also loved when the image of a silhouette returned in the bridge

Yeah these are great lyrics

[hardtwistmusic]

Only thing I thought could improve was the last line in the second verse. 

Currently "for a reason to stay the same" sounded to me like it would "stick" as it flowed, AND doesn't quite say what you want it to. 

I'd suggest "for excuses to stay the same."

Aside from that, Great write.

[Jess]

Eeeek thank you! It feels so good to be back!

And yes HTM that is exactly what I was trying to say, I definitely think that line would work I just need to try it to the music later and check the 'ex' sound isn't too harsh thanks for the suggestion

[Paulski]

This is really special and really GOOD!
I won't try to list my favourite line 'cause there are too many excellent ones to choose from, I'd never be able to make up my mind.
This is soooo music-ready -can't wait to hear it.
One small nit - rather than "bullet of superior" I would have preferred "bullet so superior" - but that's just me finding fault in the faultless..

Super job - what a come-back win!
Paul

[BooBoo]

Hey Jess, nice to see you back! On the first read of this I wasn't tonsure what it was about (it was also late at night though) but then the second read today I understood it better and now that I know the reason behind it, it makes more sense. Other than that I really enjoyed it once I understood it. I really like the first two verses!

[benjo]

 this painted a picture that was a little misty to me when I first read it
 
 after reading the reason for it,  then it was crystal clear
 and as I read it the second time it was like a video in my head

 this has got some very strong emotion in it in a deep sense
 it must be a really hard thing to see one of your parents with someone else
 I think you've captured this really well with the feelings you felt and feel
 held and then let go 

 I think every verse is loaded with inner meaning and I like each verse for it's own lines
 then the chorus this must be just how you feel,
 only one thing really I can hopefully add or help with is where you say YOU and then HIS

 I do understand it either way but just something to think about
 hope you know what I mean, COS I SAW YOU--JUST TRYNA MAKE THIS PLACE HIS HOME

 it feels like your talking to him directly
 then it feels like your talking to the reader

                             
(Pre Chorus)

Cos I saw you
As a threat
And a barrier
A bullet of superior
From the gun of a rogue
Just tryna make this place his home
                       

                    over all I think this is your best write yet     NICE ONE

[PeeJay]

Hi Jess,

This is another good write.

You've captured the situation well and it has the extra feel of personal experience that you can impart.

Nice one,

Phil.

[Jess]

Firstly, thank you for all the comments

I've made HTM's edit for verse 2 (thanks you!) it's subtle but I think it says what I wanted to say a lot better.

Benjo, I'd never even thought of that pronoun change before! I think I'm comparing him TO a soldier therefore the soldier is a 'him', I get how it can be confusing- I don't really know how to explain it myself

I'm so grateful for all your comments, my best write yet? That's very kind😊

[Gwyneth Rose]

Some beautiful lines here, the imagery is almost tangible. I really enjoyed the read. Bravo!!

[AlexMo]

Really great lyrics. The only comment I would make is that it felt to me like the baseball analogy came out of nowhere and doesn't feel like it fits too well with the rest of the imagery.

The words you use before the first chorus are pretty dark... scared, death, shadows, satan, fear, darkness, threat, barrier, bullet, gun, rogue.... and then all of a sudden you're talking about a baseball hat. It stuck out oddly to me but I could be the only one who felt that.

The chorus in general feels a little weaker to me than the rest of the song. You've rhymed hat, bat, flat and Matt. Not that there's implicitly anything wrong with that, it just feels a little less well thought out than the rest of the song.

Don't take any of that too harshly, the lyrics are great!

[Alan Starkie]

Wow Jess - you're really good!

I hardly ever venture into the lyrics section but you're a talented writer.

Loved it.

[Jess]

AlexMo- thank you for your comments! I'm actually such a rhyming critic anyone who posts anything always has to go through my intense grilling of cheesy rhyming so in a way I am breaking my own rules, but I don't know- I think I'm trying to balance the confusing verses with a simple chorus. The baseball bat reference is implying using it as like a weapon/defense mechanism I guess. The chorus is basically about letting your guard down and letting someone in. I really don't take offense at your comments, I am grateful for them and the opportunity they give me to improve so thank you

And Mr Starkie, after a day of physics exams you've made me a very happy bunny. What a lovely thing to say, it made my heart feel all warm and fuzzy

[Stylus]

            HALO    jesssdsssssssssssssieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!     itz not often I  take a look at the lyrics section.  This is only  because  words alone  are  hard for me to encapsulate what the  writer is saying.  some songs are  relatable or definable & others  seem like a telephone  directory  torn into pieces  & then stuck together with gaffa tape.  Your song....  to me  has a great  rhythmic quality &
doesnt strain  my head  brain & mind  & for this reason  I  proudly pronounce that you are a bladdee talented  lyricist  &  I want you to know  I'm sooooo  bladdee  jealous that I  ripped & shredded my clothes  &  broke my teacup.  You are to blame!  yes....yewwwwww!  you wrote sooo  beautifully that  I started too behave  like an  orangatang on  speed &  began  to ask  God  why? why? is she soo gifted?                                                Very well  done......Hug'zzz   Stylus