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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MichaelA on November 01, 2018, 06:28:16 PM
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This is a major rewrite of a song I first published almost two years ago, then called 'Rock & Roll Heaven'. Its subject is the now departed musicians who have contributed to the soundtrack of our lives - well if you are of a certain age that is!
Since I first wrote it, we have lost other legends such as Leonard Cohen, Aretha Franklin and George Michael. I wanted to edit the original to get these into my personal soundtrack record. In doing so I came up with a revamped melody and arrangement too, more in keeping with stuff I am doing nowadays.
I hope you enjoy the outcome.
Michael A
https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/soundtrack-of-our-lives (https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/soundtrack-of-our-lives)
Lyrics:
There's an old king singing
Don't be lonesome tonight
Come as you are start making
A fire your baby will light
Billy Jean's moon walking
In the purple rain
Like Jesus to a child
Sang Alleluia again
CHORUS:
Oh I've been missing
Lost souls I've been listening to
Soundtrack of our lives
But I can't believe
I'll never see you again
Hey man with one green eye one blue
Was there life on Mars?
Did you hear on the grapevine
My sweet lord plays guitars?
No need to imagine now
Heaven, not only Sky
Lady climbs a stairway there
So, no woman no cry
RPT CHORUS
You can walk the wild side
And rock the casbah too
If Bismillah won't let go
I’ll say a little prayer for you
A wise eagle flies by
Not fooled by lying eyes
Though the girl goes back to black
The music never dies
RPT CHORUS
In Rock and Roll Heaven
Maybe I’ll see you again
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I've really enjoyed listening to your catalogue of Music Michael. This is very well done. Your ever so slightly fragile vocals really do it for me. I'm getting a big hint of Paddy MacAloon on this one. You certainly managed to cram in a whole wad of departed in there. Keep em coming :)
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Your lyrics and your voice make it a delicate song, I like the tone of voice at the end of the choir.
Could you take advantage of that tone even more?
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Clever and amazing lyrics. I love the story the song told and picking out the references to the deceased singers.
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Hi there @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) , glad you like this vocal. I keep messing around with styles of delivery trying to find a sweet spot. Hey, maybe in a few more years I will get there! ;D
Thanks too @moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) and @RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324) , I appreciate those comments.
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Hi Michael,
a difficult song to write well but you've done that.The lyrics work really well with the music.
Keith
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I was hoping you'd put in a reference to someone who's not dead as a bit of dark humor. Haha. But really engaging and it flows nicely around the concept. Your melodies always stay in my head even after one listen. Liked the vocals and music, too.
Lynn
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Hi @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
What a lovely and fitting tribute to many of our heroes - your voice is fragile, exposed and delicate - it works really well, but for me, I'd turn down that tube saturation effect a little (if that is what it is).
The tune is pretty and it is a lovely song all round. Really nice.
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A thoughtful tribute to the writers and performers that have touched our lives. I travelled down a similar road recently with a song that I wrote about George Michael so it is easy to connect with the emotion of this song. I really enjoyed listening and think that the title is excellent.
Paul
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Hi @diademgrove (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19135) , thanks for stopping by and glad you appreciated the lyrics. ;)
Thanks Lynn @redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) , that idea of putting a still alive musician in there made me laugh. But actually, it is a great marketing idea as it might have brought more attention to the song! Controversy and all that. Are you in advertising? ;D Thanks anyway.
Hi @Bill Saunders (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18525) , yes I think you are right about that vocal processing, in a couple of spots anyway. Sometimes it takes me about a week to be able to properly hear the mix objectively again after the original sustained session on very many listens and tweaks. Thanks for the positive remarks too.
Hi @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) , I thought George Michael had one of the best ever pop voices. Did you publish that track? Thanks for commenting on my own song!
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@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) , The song that I wrote is called 'I was there (music and melodies).' It's on my SoundCloud page www.soundcloud.com/pvasey1 and will appear on my new album "'midday in the universe.' The title comes from a time when I attended a Wham concert many, many years ago. I didn't really want to go. The ticket was a gift. George Michael was an unbelievable live vocalist. When he passed away, I had to write this song
Anyway, back to your song, it's a beauty!
Paul
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Hi Paul @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) , that's a lovely touching tune your 'I Was There' song. I specially liked it when everything fell away prior to the last chorus - made it all very poignant - good one! I am sure George Michael would have approved! : ;)
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this is not much of a reply, but very nice work I enjoyed the song, and I thought excellent lyric.
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Loved the lyrics, cleverly put together to subtly bring to mind all of the artists without being cliche.
The only thing I'm not sure about with this track is the last two lines. I'm guessing this is left over from the first version of the song, and in that respect, I'm not sure it fits. It feels a little bit like an unnecessary bolt-on.
Good work
Yodasdad
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Thanks @Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208) , yes you are right, those last two lines were left over from the first version. Following your feedback I had a think about them, and now have rerecorded them at a higher pitch and with a melody more in keeping with the new version. Thanks for making me think! ;)
Also thanks @Lane1777 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18586) , I appreciate it that you had a listen and made a comment! ;D
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Hi Michael,
I admired how you managed to fit all the musical references in but it ended up not meaning anything - it just skated across of the surface. The chorus was much better and I would have preferred a different approach to the verses as this style has been done before.
Musically I thought it could have been a little more muscular.
Good song though.
M
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Really clever way to show what all these Artists meant to us.
Great tune as well....like this a lot.
Sandeep