[danieltrigger]

Hey!

Here is a link to the demo version of a rock ballad called 'Do You Know Who I Am?'. I was hoping to work the kinks out of the track before recording it with a full band!

https://soundcloud.com/danieltrigger/do-you-know-who-i-am

Please leave me your comments... And here are the lyrics:

Hang up the car keys, turn on the TV,
I sit in silence and wait for the night,
Eyes glazing over stare at my picture,
Another lifetime in grey, black and white.

Do you hear me calling?

Oh, can you tell me who I am?
Got lost without direction when this boy became a man,
Oh, still a child behind this face,
And lately I’m a lost soul out of place,
Do you know who I am?

How do I live a full life
With an aching heart?
Gotta find my way now.

Through fire and passion came feat and worry,
A broken spirit where I was once strong,
A new horizon unfolds before me,
A foreign landscape where I don’t belong.

Do you hear me calling?

Oh, can you tell me who I am?
Got lost without direction when this boy became a man,
Oh, still a child behind this face,
And lately I’m a lost soul out of place,
Do you know who I am?

Let me rise from these ashes,
Phoenix from the flames,
Gotta find myself now.

Oh, can you tell me who I am?
Got lost without direction when this boy became a man,
Oh, still a child behind this face,
And lately I’m a lost soul out of place,
Do you know who I am?

[Hapiel]

Nice
I really like the refrain, it runs really well
As for the verse, I would change the rhythm of "turn on the TV" to match "Hang up the car keys" and similarly make "stare at my picture" the same as "Eyes glazing over".
Variations and unexpected rhythms can be nice, but feel unnecessary so early in the song. You need to build a pattern before you can break it

Same thing with 'building a pattern', I would go for Verse, chorus, verse chorus bridge instead of going to a bridge straight after the first chorus. We are still getting to know the song, and you are already showing all you've got!

Those are my suggestions, good luck with your song

[danieltrigger]

Many thanks for the feedback Hapiel, very helpful!

[jonpromos]

Great vocals. I'm always envious of rock belters. This would go great on a playlist with the likes of Daughtry and other rock balladeers. But just be aware of the competition you'd have to face if you ever get too content. A more developed and more singular songwriting perspective would be my recommendation. But as far as radio rock goes, this is still amazing. You have the ultimate say. Great stuff. Keep rockin.

I have to disagree however, with the "verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge" recommendation. Too textbook for me.

[danieltrigger]

That's great, many thanks Jonpromos. Just to clarify, when you suggest more singular songwriting, do you mean making the lyrics more specific to me as an individual?

[jonpromos]

Not necessarily through lyrics. It could be expressed through composition, production, guitar playing, a mix of songwriting elements, or anything else really. Whatever makes you you.

[Gallowglass]

I had real trouble with this one. I just cannot criticise anything that sounds this much like Daughtry

[Moithetique]

I really enjoyed this:) Very classic rock ballad, but I don't quite agree with the rhythm guitar when it stands out... Could be your style! Just an opinion of mine.

[GTB]

I liked this a lot, fantastic singing, good riffs, really really good. I did think the vocals dropped in volume unexpectedly a couple of times, minor issue and easy to fix. Well done