The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: cowparsleyman on January 26, 2018, 08:16:27 AM
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Hi
This song is one I did last year, I just can't think of a decent melody and lyric, you know how it is, sometimes it's easy but this time it isn't.
The song is a joining of 2 ideas, hope you like it.
https://soundcloud.com/cowparsleyman/about-bees
The title was just what came to me when I created the project in my DAW.
Really appreciate you taking time to listen to it, and I really consider any ideas.
It's a precious resource being a member here.
cpm
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really like the acoustic guitar part....does it need a lyric, maybe just some more work on the melody/themes for a nice instrumental?
The electric guitar doesn't sit well for me, kind of ruins the intimate, folky/barouque feel. Reminiscent of fairport convention and midlake.
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really like the acoustic guitar part....does it need a lyric, maybe just some more work on the melody/themes for a nice instrumental?
The electric guitar doesn't sit well for me, kind of ruins the intimate, folky/barouque feel. Reminiscent of fairport convention and midlake.
Thanks for listening, I was in a quandry about that very thing, does it need vocals?, I suppose that's why I put it up here, to see what happens, I have some great suggestions leading to some surprising results... it just seems a bit lost, and rather boring...maybe it's the structure of the thing, do you think it works as a song without the solo and no vox?
The electric solo was very much an afterthought, I'm fine to remove it, but what can I put in? it needs to go somewhere :-\
Any ideas?
cpm
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Hi
that's beautiful guitar playing, especially at the start - first 50 seconds or so. I don't think that needs any vocals (or electric guitar!) over it. From around 50 seconds I guess that is the second idea, and not strong enough to be an instrumental as it is I think. So that might be where you bring words/melody in. The simpler chords give plenty of room for a good tune!
cheers
Dave
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Hi
I think a drifting, lilting melody would work over the second half.
I had a VERY quick go at some ideas (please excuse the dubious lyrics) and dodgy singing - but I think a mix of the half instrumental, half song would work nicely (but not with my singing!!)
https://soundcloud.com/dasntn/bees-for-cpm
cheers
Dave
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Dave
Thanks for listening, now that's a corker of an idea, why not have the vox half way through, I'll jump on that, I'll take a listen and get back to you...
I'm all excited now
cpm
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Dave
That's the answer, perfect idea. Not sure about the lyrics, as the Bees theme is disposable, and the meter of the lyrics is very promising, thanks very much, I'll be back when I have some more info....
I'll probably keep the solo, but maybe a different instrument...
cpm
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Hi
No, I wouldn't use those lyrics! Just something to convey the melody!
Looking forward to hearing what becomes of it!
Cheers
Dave
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Didn't mean to jump on a bandwagon, but I just had a go for you. I was imagining something a little looser, like this. I was trying to think of bees flying, but random stuff came out of my head instead. Lol :)
Isn't a melody as such, just winging it.
https://soundcloud.com/cazrolina-1/thebeeswav-05-02-2018-0059/s-tBFRL
Your guitar playing was soooooo beautiful that the whim took a hold of me so thought id see what would appear. Lets hear more ideas. Happy music making folks. cx
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Probably to late but thought I'd just add some very quick lyrics of my own and I carried on with the bee theme
Flying about among the apple trees
Flying about among the apple trees
saving the world as we go from leaves to leaves
going about our business as the world goes mad
Inside it leaves you feeling a little sad
All we are is little Insects of yellow and black
flying among the leaves and flowers , out the garden back
but without all our hard work
there would be no colour and everything would be black
Flying about among the apple trees
saving the world as we go from leaves to leaves
going about our business as the world goes mad
Inside it leaves you feeling a little sad
Everyone always says about the busy bees
Stop for a moment and think about what we achieve
If we stopping buzzing and doing our work
The world would no longer be able to breathe
Flying about among the apple trees
saving the world as we go from leaves to leaves
all the flowers pollenate because of us
and we do it all without making a fuss
So next time you see one like me at work
remember that I'm doimg it for you and your world
so leave me alone in the apple tres
otherwise the world will no longer be able or breathe
Flying about among the apple trees
saving the world as we go from leaves to leaves
going about our business as the world goes mad
Inside it leaves you feeling a little sad
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Hi Katie
That's really imaginative, how do you think of this?
Thanks for taking the time to write.
I don't know which way this will go yet, it's a free for all, but I like Dave's idea for Vox in the bridge, and Caz's voice and melody lines.
I'm all excited I had 2 types of honey for lunch, honestly
cpm
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That's ok / they just come to me - if I had time I'd just write poems and lyrics all day long lol x
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Oh my goodness, me too. Some great poetry here, folks. I love bees, particularly the English bumble variety :)
An old friend of mine used to be a bee keeper.
Did you know that if you ever find a slow-moving bee it is not ill.... It's tired from struggling to search for food/flowers in this modern day and age.
http://moralfibres.co.uk/how-to-revive-tired-bees/
I'm a bee reviver, lol ;D
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Loving how things just develop..
CPM and Katie if Katie's lyrics don't get used please advise, Katie I'd be interested in writing to your lyrics but
Don't want to upset applecart or hive if things are already in progress.
:)
Neik
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Hi Neil and Caz
I can't wait to sit outside and listen to the bees (Bumble variety and the other non Bumbley ones) doing their buzzin' thing around the lavender, and popping in and out of the Foxgloves, truly wonderful, nip back indoors to escape the heat of the day.
I always thought their big pollen laden legs looked like those breeches that Blackadder wore.
@Neil:As for the lyrics, do what you like, of course I can't say if I'll use them.
thanks again.
cpm
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CPM, sorry if I've got the wrong end of the proboscis, if Katie lyrics are being used I'll leave well alone.
:-)
Neil
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No you didn't, you had the proboscis held the correct way.
Regards
Gale Honey