Dead as a door nail.... could be the premise for my next song

Brilliant!

Greetings, all! I hope you're having a great summer (or autumn, if you're in the Southern Hemisphere!). This is the latest song I've composed, titled The Persona of Evil. It is intended to support my forthcoming fictional thriller/horror novel, Omega's Dark: The Transference.

The song is about the Greek goddess Eris sending the lovely enchantress Hedra to end the wicked crimes of a diabolical figure on Earth who is causing misery and suffering to innocent people.

I have a rough early demo of the song, but once I complete a final demo and video, I'll post both in the Finished Songs section of the forum.

The brief clip below is a rough partial sample of the chorus. As a change, I'm starting the song with the chorus before verse 1. The backing vocals are my own, and a combo with an Audimee filter using Nicole Patterson's voice. There's still a lot to do recording-wise, but the song itself is fully written—I need only find the time to properly record it.  

https://app.box.com/s/d0ayorsz6axh0rmjow00uauyphhjt62d

The Persona of Evil
Words and Music: Joseph Spain
Produced by: Joseph Spain
© 2025 Joseph Spain
song from my forthcoming fictional horror novel "Omega's Dark: The Transference"

--Chorus
She's slow and sure
As the seconds pass
And the shadows fall
On the daughter of Satan's life
The sands that slip
Through the hourglass
Frame the curse that ends
The daughter of Satan's crimes
A mystery's behind

--Verse 1
Eve was born under an unholy star
A sign of demons and night
And she walked the Earth
With a hateful gait
Leaving misery in her wake

--Verse 2
The goddess Eris saw the pain Eve caused
From her lofty throne she spoke
She sent Hedra forth to right the wrongs
And destroy the evil one

[repeat chorus; then to verse 3]

-Verse 3
Eve is gone now she will sin no more
After Hedra claimed her life
Eris smiled from high upon her star
And the world knew calm tonight

--Verse 4
Hedra basks in love
Inscribed in lore
She's the one adored on Earth
Yet she searches for more wicked ones
To end the sins they've sown

[repeat chorus through fadeout]

A very fresh write
All done
Just the production (the work) left
Well, I might put a bridge in

My third war themed song.

Quote from: Mike67 on Jun 13, 2025, 05:14 AMI like that you've got some really distinctive phrasing going on: "roses and thorns will not release me" is poetic and unusual, and I love the natural language...puts it in the real world.

I like the progression of the narrative from realisation "I've seen your eyes with a new distance" to resignation "I guess, love resigned" - that really works for me.

Some lines feel more like thoughts than lyrics. Again, that puts it in the real world.

My only critique is whether the repetition of "poor me, and mine", while strong, might land more powerfully with slight variation. It's there once, but perhaps repeat at the outro?

Yes in the outro too. lol
It makes sense and is just part of the outro.

Yes, I don't exclude all thought lines
As long as it works in song
It's not poetry
Song is to be heard not read.

Hi guys.  I uses to be on the forum a few years ago, but dropped when I stopped writing. Back to writing again. So here I am.

Mike

I like the rhythm of this top. And the the repetition on each pert of the versus. Looking forward to hearing it - like a lot of songs it'll be all about the arramgement and production.

I really like this, and reading the intro makes complete sence of it. The reveal at the end is great too. Nice storytelling, but I do fear for the future of the soldier.

I agree with Snargleplax and Vicky re scanning.  Had a play with the opening versus and pre-chorus to highlight, but feel free to ignore...obviously

Another act,
another scene,
And a new version of me,
that I chose,
that I made
For this performance.
I'll change the voice,
Keep the name,
Rehearse everything I say,
but it still
doesn't fix
what I've done.

Read the rates
and reviews,
do whatever I must do,
Just to keep
everybody
hanging on.
If they laugh,
If I stall,
I'll never let them see me fall,
Because they'd know
Yes, they'd know
That it's all a show.

Pre-Chorus 1:
Lights are on, play the part,
But I don't know quite where to start.
Cause if I take this mask away,
There'd be nothing in the way.