[Polky09]

This is a work in progress, took me about 5 min so far haha.
What people think? 

..................................................................

Never thought I would ever   
meet someone like you.
I’ve been proven wrong before,
Taken that leap, not knowing whats in store

I’ve been blinded, I’ve been fooled
by the world rushing through
Days turn to weeks then months into years,
Wasting our time staring at the sun

I’ll do a hand stand upside down
so the world seems to keep turning round
That way I won’t, I won’t miss a thing.

I can’t change yesterday
I know today's not the better day
I do know one thing though.                 
We can borrow, we can steal
what we learnt today, tomorrows just,
just a dream away

[CaliaMoko]

I think parts of it have some potential. It kind of reads like a tone poem, to me, at the moment, with no consistent rhythm or rhyme scheme, and the thoughts feel scattered without cohesion, if that makes any sense.

For instance, the first verse leads me to expect a song about someone you've met who seems to be the person of your dreams. The next verse gives me the impression you and someone you've been with a long time have been sitting around on the beach, staring at the sun, causing you to go blind, while the world rushes madly around you.

Then you're suddenly doing a handstand (upside down is really redundant here) to make the world seem to keep turning around (sorry, that doesn't make any sense to me). And explains that will somehow keep you from missing anything.

I apologize; I don't mean to be rude in any way, but this almost comes across as a collection of totally unrelated thoughts. You mention it took you about five minutes. When you look back through it and think about it, what do you think of it?

I think you have several different ideas collected in this one lyric that could be separated and each made into a cohesive piece. There's the "I never thought I would meet someone like you" song. Go ahead and develop that idea. Then take your "madly rushing world" idea and develop that into a song. I can see real potential for that one. And your last verse would probably work with it. The "handstand" verse, though...I think I would deep six that one. Except maybe you could use the "won't miss a thing" idea in the "meet someone like you" song. Oh wait...that line's been done already. Probably better drop the "won't miss a thing" bit, as well.

I'm worried you're going to find this too harsh; I don't mean it to be, but I do want to be honest. I'd like to see a lyric of yours after you've given it more thought and developed it better. Maybe you've had some in the past and I missed them. I'll have to go back and take a look.

Meanwhile I suggest spending some more time with a thought or two from this one and work them up into a tightly-knit lyric. Good luck with it! And, please! Just ignore me if you don't like what I have to say.

Vicki

[tomcrocus]

Hi,
     i think it's not bad for a work in progress,i like the start
and i like the lines,
"i've been blinded,i've been fooled
by the world rushing through"
it's a little bit hicklety picklety at the moment but given a bit
of time i'm sure you can come up with something really nice,
                                                                                 best wishes,Tom.

[JolieThePassenger]

This seems to be a collection of thoughts and feelings that perhaps don't work together, but could work really well apart? 

I agree with much of what Vicki said, that there could be two or three different starting points here for separate sets of lyrics. 

You clearly have a way with words, and there's potential for this to be developed into something pretty nice. 

[Oldbutyet]

This is a work in progress, took me about 5 min so far haha.
What people think? 

..................................................................

Never thought I would ever   
meet someone like you.
I’ve been proven wrong before,
Taken that leap, not knowing whats in store

I’ve been blinded, I’ve been fooled
by the world rushing through
Days turn to weeks then months into years,
Wasting our time staring at the sun

I’ll do a hand stand upside down
so the world seems to keep turning round
That way I won’t, I won’t miss a thing.

I can’t change yesterday
I know today's not the better day
I do know one thing though.                 
We can borrow, we can steal
what we learnt today, tomorrows just,
just a dream away

I like this you're good with words and you come to the right place, i did an edit on what you have didn't change any words just use yours, can you add to this just to see where it take you, Thanks.

Never thought I would ever   
meet someone like you.
I’ve been proven wrong before,
Taken that leap, not knowing what to do

I’ve been blinded, I’ve been fooled
by the world rushing through
Days turn to weeks then months into years,
Wasting our time, not knowing what to do

I’ll do a hand stand upside down stand
so the world keeps turning around
That way I won’t, you won’t, miss a thing
maybe im thinking, not knowing what to do

I can’t change yesterday
I know today's not the better day
I do know one thing though.                 
We can borrow, we can steal
what we learnt today, tomorrows just,
just a dream away

[Polky09]

Thank you,

i will go through now and see if i can add a verse or two
to follow on from the new feel of the song.

Gavin

[Polky09]

Here is the finished version

V1
Never thought I would ever   
meet someone like you.
I’ve been proven wrong before,
Taken that leap, not knowing what to do

V2
I’ve been blinded, I’ve been fooled
by the world rushing through
Days turn to weeks then months into years,
Wasting our time, not knowing what to do

Pre Chorus
Close your eyes, follow me
together we can find our own reality

Chorus
I can’t change yesterday
I know today's not the best of day's
I do know one thing though.                 
We can borrow, we can steal
what we learnt today, tomorrows just,
just a dream away.

V3
Never thought I could ever
have a dream last forever.
I’ve been woken up before
not knowing what was real, not knowing what to do

V4
I’ll do a hand stand upside down
so the world keeps turning around
That way you and I won’t, miss a thing
maybe im thinking, not knowing what to do

[CaliaMoko]

Even though it has mostly the same series of thoughts throughout, it feels a little more cohesive now. I still have a problem with the "upside down" handstand. Technically, if you do a handstand upside down, you would actually be right side up, so I find that phrase distracting. Otherwise, your lyric is improved. I'd like to hear it set to music.

[Polky09]

The ref to an Hand stand upside down

means that nothing will change, so everything is the same

[Oldbutyet]

Here is the finished version

V1
Never thought I would ever    
meet someone like you.
I’ve been proven wrong before,
Taken that leap, not knowing what to do

V2
I’ve been blinded, I’ve been fooled
by the world rushing through
Days turn to weeks then months into years,
Wasting our time, not knowing what to do

Pre Chorus
Close your eyes, follow me
together we can find our own reality

Chorus
I can’t change yesterday
I know today's not the best of day's
I do know one thing though.                  
We can borrow, we can steal
what we learnt today, tomorrows just,
just a dream away.

V3
Never thought I could ever
have a dream last forever.
I’ve been woken up before
not knowing what was real, not knowing what to do

V4
I’ll do a hand stand upside down
so the world keeps turning around
That way you and I won’t, miss a thing
maybe im thinking, not knowing what to do

Im hearing more of a song now in your words, lyrics are like a deck of cards you shuffle them out.

Never thought I would ever
meet someone like you.
I’ve been proven wrong before,
Taken that leap, not knowing what to do

Never thought I could ever
have a dream that came true
I’ve been woken up before
not knowing what was real, not knowing what to do

Bridge
I’ve been blinded, I’ve been fooled
by this world rushing through
Days turn to weeks, months turn
maybe im thinking, not knowing what to do

Pre Chorus
Can we close our eyes and together.
find our own, reality

Chorus
I can’t change yesterday
I know today's not the bests
I do know one thing though.                  
We can borrow we can steal
what we learnt today, tomorrows just,
just a dream away.

[CaliaMoko]

The ref to an Hand stand upside down

means that nothing will change, so everything is the same

Ahhh....tricky!     I am denser than the average person, and I never would have gotten that meaning from it without being told, but it certainly works, once I understand it.

Vicki