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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pompeyjazz on March 23, 2019, 03:27:30 PM
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Sticking with the Exotic / Erotic theme, here's my solo entry for the comp. A bit of a cheery singalong number although it's sad really :)
I met her on the train to Paris
Eurostar carriage
She's a part time dancer
Now she's got the answer
Six weeks solid at the Moulin Rouge
Accommodation, drinks and food
And all the tricks are free
Oh I'm not a chancer
You're my exotic dancer
No, I'm not a chancer
But take a chance on me
The so called job was just and audition
Sad admission
Didn't have a ticket home
No one to phone
The only way from dancing dole
Was sliding sleekly down a pole
Failing reputation, and none of the tricks were free
Oh I'm not a chancer
You're my exotic dancer
No, I'm not a chancer
But take a chance on me
It started as exotic and ended as erotic
Everybody's got their bills to pay
Just another drink and it all begins to sink
As you say goodnight and start again next day
Oh I'm not a chancer
You're my exotic dancer
No, I'm not a chancer
But take a chance on me
(c) Bradley – 2019
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This is a really great song, John...lyrics are funny and tragic too...it's like something from Galton and Simpson...and a super bounce/sing along blast.
You and Neil have just about got this competition sewn up!
Off for another listen now...brilliant!
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I love your rhyming!! Words i'd never think of in a million years
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Some clever lyrics for. A very sad subject.
Great story telling here.
Love the production, vocals and a cool way to bring the song to the end.... Love the guitars too.
A good listen.
Sandeep
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This has a glitzy fairground sparkle to it John.
Lovely contrast between the upbeat feel to the music and the seedy lyrics.
I liked the surf-guitar style reverb sounds too.
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great feel to this john vocals great.. sounds like a live band take
superb intro .. real attention grabber
love the change in that bridge works lovely
fine work
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I love it when I start playing your songs and I immediately have to turn the volume down...they always blast out! This is one of your best for a while - the chorus is absolutely superb. The break at 2:26 is spot on, being so simple and exactly in the right place at the right time. The whole thing has your trademark sound, something I´ve come to love immensely.
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Another cracker 8) good hooky chorus and very creative in the lyrics dept!! just thought your vocal was a bit low in the mix .. :) and maybe...just maybe :-\ the jangly guitar was overused....maybe :)
best, Kevin :)
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So good, that shuffle-ish rhythm guitar drives it along. I think your enjoyment is palpable and infectious. Such musicality on display. A total pleasure.
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Liking this a lot. Happy upbeat cheering tune and rhythm sung in your best Glen Tillbrook - especially the m8.
Nothing to add!!!!
'Everybody's got their bills to pay' indeed
Catchy - sounds like a hit to me
:-)
neil
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Great backing track. No surprises here, it's simply done well and is immediately catchy! Gues sit's time to check out the 'Eurostar carriage'!
Paul
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Really loved the melody, and damn, that's a sing-along friendly chorus :) Nicely done!
Andreas
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I know you are a one man band, but you would be loads of fun to see live if you ever get a band together and could replicate this. I'll be on the front row! :)
Good entertaining treatment of the comp theme, as you mentioned it is kind of funny - and executed in a fun way - but has a bit of pathos to it too. Damn decent hook to that chorus too, and the kind of rhymes I love to hear! Nice one mate!
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Yo pomps.
In from the off,I am. The rhythm is infectious and grooves like the proverbial.
The chorus is tre catchy,lyric cool and amusing.
Spangly,jangly and newfangledly cool. 8)
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Hi PJ,
Amazing how quickly this gets in your head. I was able to sing the chorus even before the first one finished. Got to be a good sign.
Really does grab you with it's melodies and easy going vibe.
Fun, but it does have that tinge of sadness to it.
Digger
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Phew...this took some finding too!
Great intro John....gets hold of you right from the off....and doesn't let go either!
Nice jangly song with an interesting drum track that gives it a nice bit of spice....and another great chorus from you!
Never lets up this one. Full on excitation right through with all that jangliness. Neat ending!