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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: giitlesriddles on August 20, 2017, 05:40:18 PM
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Here's a song I recorded very Primitively with my band. It's supposed to be a hard driving rock song with influences from jack white, slash, and led zeppelin. I wrote this song after one of my guitars necks snapped. I hope you enjoy.
Here are the words
Got a body inside my guitar case
It can't protect me from you no more
Broken neck and a whole lot of heart ache
I thought the worst was out the door.
And I get it he moved first!
I was distracted never made any action towards you
and I guess it's a fools curse!
Exotic lips, at my fingertips.
yeah, she was sacred
you went and smashed her on the pavement
she's breaking
what are you fighting for?
You're invasive
My mind is vacant,
but yours is like a locked door.
She lacks the patience
Know's no waiting
Yeah you give her a chance and she takes it
so face it
without her I'm nothing I'm naked
You're the apex predator.
I'm like a pit without a bottom,
she's like a mountain without a top
What life is like without her, I have forgotten,
She was my one last shot.
And I was blinded by the glory of the situation
Didn't realize that nothing was real
Didn't realize that she would be my desolation
without her I forgot how to feel!
yeah, she was sacred
you went and smashed her on the pavement
she's breaking
what are you fighting for?
You're invasive
My mind is vacant,
but yours is like a locked door.
She lacks the patience
Know's no waiting
Yeah you give her a chance and she takes it
so face it
without her I'm nothing I'm naked
You're the apex predator.
yeah, she was sacred
you went and smashed her on the pavement
she's breaking
what are you fighting for?
You're invasive
My mind is vacant,
but yours is like a locked door.
She lacks the patience
Know's no waiting
Yeah you give her a chance and she takes it
so face it
without her I'm nothing I'm naked
You're the apex predator.
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Tell me what you think
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Hey Nath - This is great, raw and raunchy and packed with feeling and emotion. I'm hearing lots of different influences, White stripes / Zep / QOTS / Rush - I love your vocal delivery its very distinctive and effective. A great listen, I really enjoyed this big time :)
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Very cool! It's some time since I listen to hard rock last time, but this immediately got me into the groove again. Lovely solo, and great punchy bass.
Bye Wolfi
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Yo Nate.
I'm loving this.
Since I stopped playing live almost 2 years ago now,I miss some aspects of playing live and jamming with folk,the sound here brings it all back.
It's a good live recording,perfectly capturing the energy,passion and downright fun of the performance.
Great mucky sound and playing on the guitar too. I heard bits of Muse in there with the Zep comparisons,especially on the vocals.
Good work by all. 8)
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Yeah...I loved this one
Great raw feel to it...bags of spirit...could see this being quite a success if it got a wider release.
Is it a new song? Or a new version perhaps? I'm sure I remember the lyric and title from a while back...anyway...it's excellent.
Great job :)
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Great stuff Nate and this is the sort of music is selling recentlyReminds me of Arctic Monkeys and Jake Bugg. Great production aswell. How did you record it ,professional studio or at home ?
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Wow man, you smashed this... (as well as your guitar neck ;)).
As has been said, very Arctic Monkeys, also I hear The Black Keys in it.
Your voice sounds great, and you can't argue with a 100-pound-gorilla of a riff like that.
Really good phrasing of the lyrics in the chorus too. And the title is intriguing right off the bat. Plus, good widdly solo. What's not to like here?
One of my faves of the whole month here.
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I really like the grit in the song, it has great energy and I did not get bored half way through. I think you are talented enough to move away from the Arctic Monkey style vocals, you have a good strong voice and should celebrate it more. Try singing through a vintage tape machine such as a Studer with a Neve pre amp, that will give you a lovely tone.
The cymbals sound awful, apart from good drumming I have not a good word to say about them sonically.
Best.
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So good! This is a great genre for you - you have such a clever and original use of sounds and flow in your lyrics (always did gave and now with more structure). Yes the Arctic Monkeys comparisons are spot on but that's because you get a similar mix of rhythmic excitement in the music and originality in the words. The rhymes here are stellar at times and they keep coming. Congrats man, super super good and for me holds up in the "real world" too.
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Great live track..nuff said really..enjoyed it mucho!!!
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Guys,
Frickin love this, loads of influences in there.......White Stripes, Arctic monkeys. Yeh....and more.
Good live feel too. Feel I have been mooching on the dance floor in a pub somewhere after way too many beers smashing my head about to this.
Great