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Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: Paulski on June 11, 2014, 07:28:23 PM
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Hi guys
My lamest latest and greatest. It's supposed to be a sort of powder blues band kind of tune.
I realise there are a few easy/same rhymes but hopefully they are OK in that genre.
Any advice is welcomed!
thx
Paul
Going Nowhere Fast
Copyright © 2014 Tennyson Road Music
When I got on this elevator I thought it was goin' up
But I been standin' here waitin' and we haven't gone up or down
We're going nowhere fast and there's nowhere to turn around
When I got into this cab, he said he was takin' me "downtown"
But I been sittin' here waitin' and all he does is drive us around
We're going nowhere fast and there's nowhere to turn around
When I came into this world
And I was just a lttle baby
Momma set me up on her knee
And my Momma said son
"Ya gotta keep a-movin'
You'll be anything ya wanna be!"
I got onto this bus and the ticket said that soon I'd be "In another town"
But the driver came back and advised us that he'd broken down
We're going nowhere fast and there's nowhere to turn around
Well I got into my car
And spent a day out on the highway
I was truckin' out to Alabam'
But a lot of seedy bars
And handsome ladies got in my way
Now I'm stuck inside this traffic jam!
Solo (jam. ;D.)
Oh I boarded this plane on the promise it was takin' me "sky high"
Now I'm sittin here complainin' that we haven't even left the ground
We're going nowhere fast and there's nowhere to turn around
Nowhere fast - I swear we're goin' nowhere fast
Nowhere fast - I swear this trip'll be my last
We're going nowhere fast and there's nowhere to turn around!
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hey
I see what you meant by easy rhymes, but the piece kept me interested nevertheless, cause of the way the verses work and always wondering which vehicle comes next
Nowhere fast - I swear we're goin' nowhere fast
Nowhere fast - I swear this trip'll be my last
We're going nowhere fast and there's nowhere to turn around!
I have to say I was somehow expecting a twist at the end or maybe a conclusion
after that "I swear this trip'll be my last" line it throws you back to the "We're going nowhere fast and there's nowhere to turn around!" line once again and it felt a bit of a dissatisfying ending to me
"I swear this trip'll be my last" would maybe work better as a last line in my opinion if you manage that together with the music and it would make me think more after hearing the song
still I don't know too much about blues though I have to admit so feel free to ignore me if you intended it to end like that, probably just a matter of taste
that was the only little aspect I could see so all in all it was a really good piece
cheers :)
EE
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Had to give this one a read.
Found it interesting and also wondered what lines were coming next.
But its was good and a fun little number :)
Peppermint
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hey
I see what you meant by easy rhymes, but the piece kept me interested nevertheless, cause of the way the verses work and always wondering which vehicle comes next
Nowhere fast - I swear we're goin' nowhere fast
Nowhere fast - I swear this trip'll be my last
We're going nowhere fast and there's nowhere to turn around!
I have to say I was somehow expecting a twist at the end or maybe a conclusion
after that "I swear this trip'll be my last" line it throws you back to the "We're going nowhere fast and there's nowhere to turn around!" line once again and it felt a bit of a dissatisfying ending to me
"I swear this trip'll be my last" would maybe work better as a last line in my opinion if you manage that together with the music and it would make me think more after hearing the song
still I don't know too much about blues though I have to admit so feel free to ignore me if you intended it to end like that, probably just a matter of taste
that was the only little aspect I could see so all in all it was a really good piece
cheers :)
EE
Thanks for the insightful (as always) comments EE. I hadn't considered how those lines would be perceieved at the end - but I will now. Maybe add a twist as you suggested.
Thanks again!
Paul
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Had to give this one a read.
Found it interesting and also wondered what lines were coming next.
But its was good and a fun little number :)
Peppermint
Happy it piqued your interest Peppermint.
Thanks for the kind comments!
Paul
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good stuff paul
yeah I was wondering what next and it really worked for me
some great lines too
no nit pics from me,
tony...
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good stuff paul
yeah I was wondering what next and it really worked for me
some great lines too
no nit pics from me,
tony...
Thanks Tony - your kind remarks are always appreciated!
Paul
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I really like this. It was an easy read but it worked for the song and all in all I thought it was really good!
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Really good lyrics and nice idea to compare nowhere going to some vehicles. Great one!
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Hi Paulski, it's blues and it reads just fine. I was looking at some blues songs recently and many have a lot less content an a lot more easy rhymes than yours and they sound ok. Good write!
GTB
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BooBoo - thanks for the kind words - always good to hear!
Hugozhor - appreciate the comment!
GTB - yeah you can get away with just about anything in blues!
Cheers everyone!
Paul
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Hi Paul,
I like the words, they work really well. The only thing I'd consider changing is the getting rid of the word "fast" in the last line of the verse. A bit of silence may introduce a little more tension into the song, depending on the tempo. The use of "fast" in the outro could be in double time (or even a faster tempo). Any tension caused by not using it in the verses will be resolved by the change in tempo and the resolution of the story, your life is going nowhere fast and its time for a change.
If you disagree please ignore me.
A really good set of lyrics,
Keith
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I think if you put his up without your name on it, I could have guessed it was yours
I can almost hear all the vehicle sound effects already, the plane taking off, the bus struggling to move.
It does a really good job of keeping you reading/listening with the progression through the modes of transport.
Well I got into my car
And spent a day out on the highway
I was truckin' out to Alabam'
But a lot of seedy bars
And handsome ladies got in my way
Now I'm stuck inside this traffic jam!
love this verse? pre-chorus? stanza. I can almost smell the type of bar that has held you up, paints a funny picture. Really nice bit of writing there.
Look forward to hearing this one Paul
Good luck.
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Hi Paul.
I quite like this for what it is, but it isn't what I wanted it to be (if that makes sense).
I was waiting for "being stuck in an elevator" to become a metaphor for something else - which is something I've seen you do before: you use a mundane first verse to set up an expanded, emotional chorus. I was thinking the song would go on to be about a guy stuck in a stale relationship or job, or even about how modern urban life is a hamster-wheel existence. But it seems it's just about this one guy who gets stuck in traffic a lot.
It looks like you play with becoming more metaphorical at:
I was truckin' out to Alabam'
But a lot of seedy bars
And handsome ladies got in my way
Now I'm stuck inside this traffic jam!
But it's still on the literal side of the fence for me. Which is fine, but not my cup of tea personally...
Don't know if that's helpful, sorry.
Matt
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I think if you put his up without your name on it, I could have guessed it was yours
Hey OMB
Am I that predictable? hehe
Thanks for the positive comments - yeah that's the second bridge - it was written in a hurry so I'm glad you mentioned liking it. Hope to record this this summer - it's in the queue ;D.
Thanks again
Paul
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But it seems it's just about this one guy who gets stuck in traffic a lot.
Well, he gets stuck in life a lot - but you're right: I avoided explaining that juxtaposition in the lyric. It's a fairly up-tempo blues song - so hopefully will still work..
Thanks for commenting!
Paul
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Really like this, flows really well and that title matched with vehicles is true class cause I was expecting something totally different.
To agree with other comments, the easy rhymes as you called them work perfectly fine. Nothing sounds out of place to me. Definitely want to hear this when the music's done.
Roger
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Really like this, flows really well and that title matched with vehicles is true class cause I was expecting something totally different.
To agree with other comments, the easy rhymes as you called them work perfectly fine. Nothing sounds out of place to me. Definitely want to hear this when the music's done.
Roger
Thanks Roger - appreciate the positive feedback.
cheers
Paul