[CaliaMoko]

This is an experiment. I'm trying something different. The song I'm working on isn't written yet. I want to "workshop" it here. I'm seeking feedback on the idea and on the development as I have it so far. I'm looking at writing it mostly as an allegory, about smelling a scent, (meaning experiencing the emotion of love).

1. I never write songs about romantic love, but I've seen people say such songs tend to be more popular, so I decided to try one.

2. I'm starting in WIP, before posting in lyrics, to see how it goes.

The story of the song compares romantic love to the scent of roses (because it is said the scent of a rose is the one scent that never tires the sense of smell and theoretically you should never get "tired of" your "true love"), and the development (as I envision it) will be something like this:

1. I smell something wonderful. I wish I could smell it forever, but I always eventually grow weary of even the most wonderful scent.
2. Time has passed. I still smell that wonderful scent and I haven't gotten tired of it yet. Could it be I've found a scent eternally wonderful? I never have before so probably not.
3. My time is nearly over and the scent is still as wonderful as ever. In some ways, even better than in the beginning. It has made my life worth living and I don't know what I'd do if I lost it. It truly was eternally wonderful (yeah, I know that's a contradiction--if it's eternal, then it still is wonderful--you can see I need help, right?).

*****

I'm looking for ideas for key words and synonyms for:

1. charmed, enchanted, entranced, thrilled, captivated
2. take pleasure in, revel in, luxuriate in, glory in, wallow in, relish, savor, bliss, rapture, elation, euphoria
3. fragrance, scent, perfume, bouquet, redolence

Can you think of any words to add to those lists? Are there other key word families I should consider?

*****

I'm not starting 100% from scratch. I have some specific ideas. For instance, I'm thinking the chorus might go something like one of these two:

CHORUS IDEA
That delightful fragrance (or: "A captivating fragrance"?)
Will it last
Or will it soon become
A memory from the past?

*****

Here are some of my more specific verse ideas (they won't work as they are, but they maybe provide a clearer picture of the ideas in my head):

First verse idea:
What is that charming scent?
It's tickling my fancy
It sends a thrill all through me
But wait
I've known this bliss before
Eventually the fascination faded
So I better not hope for more

Second verse idea:
Some time has passed, a year or two, and yet I glory in the perfume as much as ever, maybe more.
It has grown familiar and somehow more dear
When will my nose grow weary of that bouquet
Will it be tomorrow? Will it be next year?

Bridge idea:
It amazes me how much it means to me
If I lost that precious (wonderful, delightful) scent, (bouquet, perfume, redolence)
I don't know what I'd do

Third verse idea:
To my amazement time has not dimmed my enchantment; I am still entranced by that old, familiar redolence
I've become so accustomed to it, sometimes I forget it's there.
But when I am distressed, the perfume is stronger than ever, calming me, filling me with tranquility.
(other possible words: peace, quietude, serene, quiet, relaxed, unruffled, unperturbed, unflustered, untroubled, soothe, placate, pacify, mollify, appease)
At times I believed I was growing weary of its constant presence, but soon realized it, like a rose, was as delightful as ever, maybe more.
It has made my life worth living.

*****

Okay, that's what I have at this point. Like I said, this is an experiment. If you have feedback, ideas, suggestions, I'd love to hear them. If you have questions or need any clarifications, please ask.

I like the idea of workshopping a song in the WIP forum. I'm very interested in how it will go.

Vicki

[PaulAds]

Heaven scent?

Early morning here...I'd really like this to go well

I hope to have a better look at it later...need coffee now!

Good luck

[adamfarr]

I think it's a great idea to come to the Workshop before having a complete lyric! And there is nothing wrong with a love song as long as it takes a slightly different angle and does not contain the word 'baby'...

I've had a line sitting forever in my Evernote "I saw a rose, that I didn't see yesterday". I quite like the way it hints at something beautiful that was under your nose and one day you notice it. Maybe it could work somewhere in your first verse - I sensed a scent I hadn't sensed before, or similar...

Smells are really hard to write about in English - we don't seem to have a wide vocabulary for them. I always remember a German friend saying "that doesn't smell, it has aroma" - which is a much more attractive word, also a good sounding word.

In my Dog song, I went for lots of 'e' sounds - 'tempted by scents, I have to confess' etc. 'A tempting scent' has a good and slightly suggestive ring so could also go well in that first verse.

That's it for now. I'm sure a few more ideas will emerge from me and others! Great initiative!

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

I think of charmed, enchanted by a sight or a sound more than a scent though no reason why not.

I think of being intoxicated by a scent...it doesn't have to mean poisoned.

[CaliaMoko]

Oh yeah, this is working! I have added "aroma" and "intoxicated, enraptured, elated, excited, aroused, inspired, electrified, inebriated" to my word lists. After the fact, I can't believe I didn't think of these already, but that just serves to reinforce the idea that workshopping an idea will make it better. I'll be back later to see what other new ideas may have cropped up while I'm outside taking down fencing.

Vicki

[hardtwistmusic]

An idea or two.  .  .  

A sweet, but temporary aroma.  
Temporarily sweet.  
A fleeting whiff of love.  

A temporary illusion.  
Fleeting illusion.  
Afraid to smell the roses, so sweet they all may be.

A rose by any other name
A wondrous, but fleeting aroma of love. 
That dies with familiarity. 

That cannot stand the intimacy. 

okay... I'm all dried up now.  ;o)    

[Oldbutyet]

Scent of smell is not alone

Scent of present is not afraid

Scent of hope is history

Scent of future is, Scent of love

Scent of rose, is one of many

I think Vicki you're on to a good thing here   

[CaliaMoko]

A lot of really great input here. Thanks to all contributors. To make it easier for me to work on it, I've copied all the comments into a document and saved it in a folder made just for this song. I'll need to spend a few days on this...and if there are more comments, I will add them into the mix.

I expect I will have a lyric ready for comment within a week, but that depends on how many [more] curve balls are thrown at me during that time (I'm having some issues).

I do have a question about using the forum for a process in this way: When I have the lyric ready, should I "bump" this topic, or should I start a new one?

Thanks, everybody!
Vicki

[CaliaMoko]

Okay, I barely made it within the week I mentioned in my last post. I have a first verse and I have a chorus. Please tell me what you think so far. I'm not totally satisfied with the first verse, although--after much struggle--it's the best I've come up with so far.

VERSE 1
Do I detect, oh could it be,
The essence of the rose?
I've waited years; I've searched the world;
I've traveled many roads.

CHORUS
A captivating fragrance,
Will it linger; will it last,
Or will it soon become
Another memory in my past?

I know the rhythm patterns of the verse and the chorus are very similar, but I have no melody yet, and I think the proper melody will make them stand out as different from each other.

Or maybe it would be better to combine these two chunks into the first verse and come up with a new plan for the chorus:

VERSE 1
Do I detect, oh could it be, the essence of the rose?
I've waited years; I've searched the world; I've traveled many roads.
A captivating fragrance, will it linger; will it last,
Or will it soon become another memory in my past?

Or even the other way around:

VERSE 1
A captivating fragrance, will it linger; will it last,
Or will it soon become another memory in my past?
Do I detect, oh could it be, the essence of the rose?
I've waited years; I've searched the world; I've traveled many roads.

Frankly, the whole lyric so far seems a bit banal to me, so I need some outside opinions. And please don't say nice things just to be nice. I have thick skin, so if I need to scrap this idea and move on to another one, I can do that. I have lots of ideas to work on.

If we decide (you and I together ) this much of the song is salvageable...salvagable?...I will keep working on it. I like working on music this way. It's the next best thing to sitting down with someone and hashing out ideas.

Vicki