The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: adamfarr on April 25, 2016, 11:23:46 AM
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For sale: 3 verses about dogs. Never used... This was in the lyrics section a while back with three additional verses which I now decided were just two complicated and too much.
It's turned into a little Stax soul number. Lots of firsts for me here (probably not too hard to guess what they are...)
As always your constructive and specific feedback is really appreciated!
Comments such as "You're no Otis Redding" are unnecessary. I know that. I am Otis Farr.
Tell Them I'm a Dog
https://soundcloud.com/lutehill/dog-15-04-2016a
V1
You can tell them I'm lazy
Low and uncouth
You can tell them I'm a dog
You can tell them I'm crazy
Loud and a brute
You can tell them I'm a dog
CH
But did you tell them how selfless
How endless my love was for you?
You tell them I'm a dog
You better tell the whole truth
Tell the whole truth
V2
You can tell them I'm greedy
Of zero repute
You can tell them I'm a dog
You can tell them I 'm dirty
Rowdy and rude
You can tell them I'm a dog
CH
M8
Sometimes I pulled you forward
Sometimes you held me back
Sometimes we walked on parallel paths
Sometimes tempted by scents
Oh, I have to confess
But I always, always went where you went
CH
(c) Adam Farr, 2016
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Hi Adam,
This starts brilliantly. Love the swinging groove.
I liked the pauses, I would have held the first one another couple of beats - the music felt it came back in a fraction too soon for me.
The way the track ebbs and flows is very good - nice builds.
The world weary vocal works very well. I liked the backing vocals towards the end. The building vocal at the end reminded me of Screaming Jay Hawkins. Let it rip.
Cool stuff.
Digger
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Smiling all the way through listening to this...I love my dog by the way so I think the lyric is totally unfair.
This song is just a lot of fun to listen to...well written and performed and just well...fun! The unconditional love of a dog finally captured in song. Nice mix of instruments as well.
Did anyone say you sound exactly like Otis Reading?
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you shouldnt put yourself down like this adam...im sure your not as smelly as you make out! oh its about a real dog! silly me ;D
i thought the song lyrics were charming... songs about animals are always lovely to hear ....if only i liked dogs tho ...they are a bit smelly ??? ive chosen that smiley bcos he looks stinky
i realy liked the simple brass it was great ...i got the otis redding Stax vibe from the way the brass carried on in the stops ...nice!
the vocals were brave & i realy admire you taking on the challenge of the loud sections... you gave quite a performance when the song demanded some feeling & volume
the bridge sounded a bit empty it needed a guitar...what about steve cropper spaniel on rhythm! ;D
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Adam
I have to confess that when I first saw the lyric posted up I groaned without even properly reading it which just goes to show how intolerant I can be. I just thought...dog, it's called dog, it's about a dog...oh God.
It still isn't a lyric that appeals to me though I do quite like the bridge lyric.
The verses are my favourite part melodically and because that's where the main horn riff occurs...the short stabs at the start of the riff work better than the sustained note I think....maybe the sustained note is a tad loud? I'm curious to know what you used for all the horn parts....some bits sound better than others. (edit..I've just had a listen with my guitar on hand and from what i can make out the stab bits go Ab-A-Ab-E then to a B and D chord (root and 3rd) which is fine but it sounds to me like it wants to go to F#....I know a 5th in a horn chord is supposed to be a capital crime but if both or all the instruments play the 5th - as they all played the same stab notes - I think it would sound better....give it a go. I don't want to sound like I'm an effin expert or anything...just a thought.
You're using a real bass guitar now aren't you? Enjoyed some of the lines in there....particularly liked the note bends in the bridge...are they called bends...I can't think....you know what I mean anyway.
After the verses I enjoyed the 'letting go' bit towards the end. It would be interesting to hear you really let go...I still feel some restraint!
Good feel to the song musically but I'm not mad about the dog lyric. And I love my dogs! All four of the little bastards! (medium smooth-haired Portugese Podengos by the way)
(http://www.completedogsguide.com/images/dog-breeds/largepic/Portuguese-Podengo2.jpg)
This is Yogi at 3yrs on what passes for grass in Portugal...he's 14 now.
As always I admire your invention and willingness to tackle different styles. Not just different from song to song but different to what anybody else is doing....all adds to the diversity of the forum!
Sorry to hijack your post with a picture of one of my dogs.....hope it doesn't start a trend!
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Cracking stuff, Adam!
Great piano and you did an excellent job getting the expression and volume swells on those horns...really helps making them sound more authentic and I liked when the bass picks things up on the breaks too
you gave the vocals some welly too...it really comes alive then...I think this is another massive step forward for you in writing, instrumentation and performance too
Well done :)
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really good adam
your singing great and devilish natural sounding
brass & piano feels perfect
lovely loose barking anthem for those emotional breakfast table moments..
think your going to be some kind of english alex chilton
like the chord seq
good lyric typically nicely twisted .. and the chorus nails it
but did you tell them how selfless
how endless my love was for you?
topstuff mate
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Builds very nicely in a good old soul style. I like the feel, the piano and bass and drums create a lovely soulful groove. The bass in the stops was cool. Didn't quite go for the horns, especially when the notes were held - they all felt a little too perfect (timing wise). Love the lyrics - great idea for a tune. But what I love most is the slow burn, the gradual rise throughout the whole thing, culminating that fine angsty soulful vocal. Nice :-))
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Adam. This is brilliant man. I love the quirkiness of this song. In some ways it reminds me of Turn Blue by Iggy Pop. What I really like though Adam is that you keep coming up with original ideas and your production is sounding really good now. I was totally intimidated by some of the pro work on here but its a huge learning process and you have produced a STONKER :)
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This really is a big step up Adam, great work on the horns and bravo on the vocal, couple o probs with the stops but no big deal, and good original lyrics I love dogs..got 2 and have noted Tinam doesn't like dogs so will be sending the lads round to put her straight...smelly indeed!!, yeah well they do actully..but yer wash em duntya!!
you got soul man!! :) :)
best, kevin :)
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Like the arrangement here, the combination of the horns and the persistent piano worked really well.
The songs got a nice minor feel that reminds me of The Specials. I agree with Kevin that the stops can be tidier and the bass and drums could be a little tighter.
Your vocal prowess is coming on nicely though, there is real authority in your voice here. :)
Fine work, Adam.
Obviously everyone should love dogs and mine is obviously the best dog in the world :P
(http://www.capitaldogcare.co.uk/images/HARVEY.jpg)
Tom.
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Howling Wolf Adam and the Ruff boyz. :D
Very imaginative in both topic and execution. Give the dog a bone!
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Wow, really chuffed by your reactions and comments! I must warn you all that my next song is called "Sheep" (not joking) so you have been warned!
- digger: thanks so much - I will look at the pauses!
- Martynrich: thanks a million: this was inspired by the famous political insult: "He has all the characteristics of a dog - except loyalty" (Sam Houston about Thomas Jefferson Green)... I kind of like this lyric because its funny-serious (like me)... I have three dogs, much against my better judgment, but they have a way of getting round me...
- tinam: dammit, I had forgotten to include "smelly" and "stinky"... Thanks re the vocals - one of the firsts for me here was letting rip and pushing the vocal into raspy territory - quite surprised at what came out...
- the Viscount now known as Chickenfeet: a few answers: the horns are always playing full triads, only in many cases inverted to give smooth transitions so the 5th may be in the bass or middle. This also kept the trumpet quite low in its range and I might have lost some impact because of that. Only free instruments here: DVS Alto Sax (expressive, but some quite nasty vibrato); DSK Tenor Sax (sweet but not expressive); and Sonatina Trumpet (quite good I think). Thanks in particular re the vocal. Perhaps there is still some restraint there, I don't know - but control still always an issue for me so inevitably a bit of a compromise...
- PaulAds: thanks for all your support - I think I am at least now at a stage of competence (and confidence) where I can actually get things sounding as I want.
- nooms: crazy the new references that come out - I was only vaguely aware of Alex Chilton and he is well worth it. Thanks so much as ever for the encouragement.
- delb0y: thanks for being so constructive. This was my first ever time using midi to program instruments I can't play so, although I think the horns came out reasonably well, I am sure there is so much more that I could do...
- Pompeyjazz: that'll probably be the only time Iggy and myself will appear in the same sentence but I feel him a little! Probably not the last time I will be called quirky though! Thanks for your positive input and appreciation.
- Shadowfax: thanks a million - means a lot coming from you. Yeah, how can anyone not like dogs? (Though I didn't until I lived with some!)
- tboswell: many thanks. I will look at those stops. Just started using ASIO for input monitoring (another first) so for the first time the bass is live without quantizing so that's probably why it's a little looser. I will look though.
- Skub: thanks! Woof!
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Adam,
When I saw the title, I couldn't wait to hear the song. The lyrics are clever.
Reminds me of Madness in their later days or the Specials, the horns augment that feel.
I like it ....sadly no picture of a dog.to post.
Well done
Sandeep
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Hi Adam....well....I like it 8). A good fun song for the whole fam!!
Nice stuff!! I really like the words and melody.......production is entertaining, as well ;D
-Tom
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Very clever lyric Adam - it leaves the audience guessing whether you're a literal or metaphorical dog! (I'm still not entirely sure at the end.) I also liked the unusual harmonic changes, and the "raw" singing style.
My main criticism is of the rhyme-scheme. In V1 you've got "uncouth" and "brute", and in V2 you've got "repute" and "rude". Wouldn't it have been better to change it round so that you had "repute" rhyming with "brute"? I'm not sure what to do with "uncouth" - it's a good word to have in there but it seems to have been chosen to rhyme with "truth" in the chorus rather than anything in the verse. Rearrange the lyrics a bit and I think you'll have a great song!
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Hey Adam,Ive not heard any of your stuff before but I have to say I really enjoyed your vocal delivery.You left it all on the pitch eh! Very good lyrics.Others have made some good suggestions regarding the music so I won't rehash that.I just wanted to chip in and say nice work man. ;D
Can't wait for "Sheep" it should be...wait for it...baaa..d ass!! ;D Mic drop! I'm out!! (Yeah I know! I'm a new dad,so I'm just experimenting with my new found comedic powers!! Haha!)
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A bit late in getting back to this (another Birthday in the can):
Lostboy: many thanks for listening and the love for my "Commitments" moment! Ewe'll love the Sheep song too. And congratulations - sleep is just a waste of composing time anyway...
GuyBarry: thanks for getting into the detail. I can't say you're wrong re the rhymes and I did experiment. But I found I lost more than I gained - the contrast between the perfect rhyme and non-rhyme stood out, and I preferred the consonant groups of lazy-low-loud, repute-rowdy-rude. So I went with near rhymes all through... But for sure it's a compromise.
Ironknee: thanks so much - really appreciate your comments and glad you liked!
Movin Flavour: I hadn't even considered Madness or the Specials but they are important bands in my musical upbringing so maybe they're always lurking somewhere. Thanks a million for listening and commenting.
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My dog loved the guitar solo that was above human audible frequency - great lead.
Good stuff - liked it
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Hi Adam
You get to the hook fast - under 30 secs - I like that :).
Nice laid-back feel - fits most dogs lives.. :)
Clever lyrics - like the stops and starts and the cool bass lines.
A few pitchy spots in the vocals but they sit nicely in the mix so not a huge issue.
Good original song!
Paul
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This is one of those magical songs where the woof woof language is missing, no offence and this a compliment to your artistic talent, in my listening i think Bill Murray and Christopher Walken would love this, so much character in your song.
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Hi Adam,
I love my 2 collies to bits so I know where you're coming from. This is fun, different and interesting. I thought the arrangement was the highlight of the song - it moved along nicely and it kept my interest. Melodically and vocally I thought it lacked something special - if only Otis was still alive!
Brave as Tinam has said - I couldn't start to write a song on this subject and you've done a fine job.
M
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Sorry to bump but wanted to thank all listeners:
Montydog: thanks for great comments on arrangements - I studied a million Otis songs for different combinations, sadly not got his vocals though.
Oldbutyet: I think character is what i was going for so many thanks (desperately Googles films with BM and CW and dogs)
Paulski: many thanks for listening - mixing getting better, vocals still most definitely a WIP.
Mickeytwonames's dog: if you listen backwards it says"Paul loves dogs". Thanks for listening.
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I don't know how I missed this one Adam :o I really enjoyed listening to it ??? Lot's of fun ;D
I think you sang it with lots of passion :o
I'm assuming the sax isn't a real sax ??? a real sax would blow this out of the water, but great job anyway ::)
I was thinking this could be sped up a bit, and it might be interesting to hear it with more volume
dynamics :-\
I'm with some of the others when it comes to the lyrics ??? is it really about a dog or is it a metaphor?
Great job at a completely different genre for you :) :)
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You're no Otis Redding (oops, you already knew that ;D) but the good news is you don't have to be, this one works brilliant with your own voice (esp. in the later half). Big grin upon my face during the whole song, really dig the lyrics. Agree with delb0y about the horn but horns are notoriously difficult to do so I wpuld not loose any sleep over that. Sure, there a few thing that could perhaps be a little tighter but I like just as it is with some "perfect imperfections". Actually a big surprised how much I like this given its not really my genre and that must count for something.
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Adam,
Lots to like to lick hear. Great verse with the piano and brass combining. A bit of a torch song and love the way you stretching your self and the listening. Get really intense towards the ending.
Thoughts: I kinda of hope you were going to start to howl towards the end. I know its been done before but whatever ...
:)
Neil
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I really liked this
I actually got more of a "Ska" feel from this
Great concept for the lyric and the arrangement supported the song brilliantly
The production sounded great - the bass was particularly nicely "produced" and played
It was really good hearing you "let go" a bit with your vocal toward the end of the track, which had a great aggressive edge to it
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Really great lyrics, though I have to admit that I only really understood them once I read the first comment about the true love of a dog. But I am not much of a dog guy anyways, I prefer cats (sorry...).
Musically I really liked the melody in the verse. Often verses are just boring sing-a-long, but here you have some very interesting movements.
Great drama in the end, too.
I think this is my favourite song from you so far. :)
Bye Wolfi
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Wow, where did that come from? Here was me hoping for some punky stuff. Then out of nowhere, something completely, completely original. Really makes the most of your vocal, turning what seemed like a weakness into a true asset. Its genius. Truly genuis. Magnificent sir. Your rise from your first submission, not long back really, has frankly been meteoric.
Not sure if I can pinpoint the influences. Not sure if I care to be honest. Love it Adam. Brilliant.
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This is such a cool song. What an unsual perspective to write from. I thought the vox was very well done particular toward the end when you belted it out. I read that Tina suggested you get Steve Cropper Spaniel to play guitar on it, well could you please have it that I know for certain he is unavailable as his owner has taken him out Donald Duck Dunn hunting.
Loved the song, really good stuff.
Allan.
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I keep getting drawn back to this song Adam. An absolute masterpiece in my opinion. Unique and distinctive and so flipping catchy as well
Cheers John
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You can tell them I'm a dog
You better tell the whole truth
I like these two lines and I like the whole song too. It was a job well done. Now I am a fan of yours.
Nice production
Irwin