[Katier]

Hi Guys,

 Hope you don't mind a complete newcomer to this song writing lark jumping in and seeking help and advice . I'm learning guitar and attend a lot of local open Mic's and often throw the beginnings of songs together while listening to other peoples creations. This one popped into my head while singing to myself while walking home recently at night. (yeah it's pretty literal )

 I'm not entirely sure of the Genre although I see it as a bright and uplifting song. Incidently the songs referred to in the Chorus are "Erased" by Annie Lennox, "Road to Hell" by Chris Rea and Linda Rhonstadt's version of "Still within the Sound of my voice" - all songs that I'd love to cover while I'm figuring my own material out

 Open to any and all feedback />/>

Songs about love and hate
 Version 3
 by Katier Scott © 2014 © 2015

Light shines off the dark streets
Brake lights bright at night
Rain splashing in street puddles
Lost in a dark bright world

She Sings on a dark night
Songs about love and hate
Songs in a cold dark night
Songs about roads and fate
Songs about love and hate

She's walking home at night
From another day at work
A dull commute in a dreary day
All along on the dark streets

She Sings on a dark night
Songs about love and hate
Songs in a cold dark night
Songs about roads and fate
Songs about love and hate

She sings to lift the night
A cold dark bright night
Feet splashing in street puddles
Sings to musics 'trancing beat.

Sings in a cold dark night
Songs about love and hate
Songs about roads and fate
Songs in a cold dark night
Songs about love and hate
Songs about roads and fate
Songs about love and hate
Songs about love and hate

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Songs about love and hate
 Version 2
 by Katier Scott © 2014

 Verse

 Street lights off the dark streets
 Brake lights bright at night
 Rain splashing in street puddles
 Lost in a dark bright world

 Chorus

 She Sings on a dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs about roads and fate
 Songs in a cold dark night

 Verse

 She's just walking home at night
 From just another day at work
 A dull commute in a dreary day
 All alone on the dark streets

 Chorus

 She Sings on a dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs about roads and fate
 Songs in a cold dark night

 Verse

 She sings to lift the night
 A cold dark bright night
 Feet splashing in street puddles
 Sings to musics 'trancing beat.

 Chorus

 Sings in a cold dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs about roads and fate
 Songs in a cold dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs about roads and fate
 Songs in a dark bright night


 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Songs about love and hate (Original Lyrics)
 by Katier Scott © 2014

 Street lights off the dark streets
 Brake lights bright at night
 Rain splashing in street puddles
 Lost in a dark bright world

 Sings in a cold dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs about roads and fate
 Songs in a cold dark night

 Lost in her own light world
 In a bright spark-ling night
 Music in the air tonight
 Lost in a dark bright world

 Sings in a cold dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs about roads and fate
 Songs in a cold dark night

 She sings to lift the night
 A cold dark bright night
 while splashing in street puddles
 singing a dark bright night

 Sings in a cold dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs about roads and fate
 Songs in a cold dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs about roads and fate
 Songs in a dark bright night

[GeneralZod]

This one does not have a clear rhyme form. The only rhyme I see here is "hate" and "fate" try writing using a simpler rhyme scheme. A lot of this is just talking without it being in actual "song" form. Try to write the song with a theme in mind. What story does this song tell? It is not clear. Is it just about walking at night?

Overall not bad for a newcomer no one is perfect and I have a lot of work to do as well Keep practicing!

[Paulski]

Hi there and welcome!
This is a great first post IMO. I'm not bothered by the rhyming scheme - seems mostly ABBA, and what doesn't rhyme doesn't seem out of place to me. (I prefer no rhyme to an easy rhyme any day) I do think this could be improved in "forward motion". It seems to paint a static scene in time and doesn't develop much with all the repetition of phrases throughout. My sugg would be to develop more story/info in the verse that starts with "She sings to lift the night", and start each chorus with "She sings" so the main character is introduced sooner. But even as is this is a really good write and could be an interesting song!
Paul

[Katier]

Thanks both, I think I agree the lyrics need a bit of motion. Like you, Paulski, I'm not worried about the Ryhming, IMO most songs don't, or if they do only in selective areas such as a chorus.

[GeneralZod]

I could see this one as a country or blues song. Or pop perhaps. Very nice!

[Katier]

Update the Lyrics to try to give a better story to it. Feedback will be appreciated

[Paulski]

To me, that's a huge improvement. You kept all that great imagery but now I can connect to someone and it makes it even more vivid. Maybe this verse could be reworded (or not!):

 She's walking home tonight
 From just another day at work
 A dull commute in a dreary day
 All alone on the dark streets <-- did you mean alone or along?

I hope you can get someone (yourself?) to put this to music!
Paul

[Katier]

Yeah it's alone - point being I'm singing to myself but it doesn't matter, music and singing can lift us whether we're alone or playing to someone.

I typo'd along - thanks for spotting

[sephsleft06]

that's great, if it just popped into your head.
It  creates pictures and visuals of streets at night.....

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

I like the feel of this one. Should make a good song..I can almost hear it!

I like the repetition in the main and the fact that there aren't loads of different verses reinforces the atmosphere for me.

So, I don't mind the 'dark' being in the first and last line of the chorus.
 I think it works well like that. But I'm not so fond of the 'street' being repeated in the first verse so much.

I'd look for another word for the first line. '***** lights off the dark streets' or something. I like the repetition and think I can see what yiou're aiming for but I think it could be better with a bit more work on it.

It's good though and I'm only making this suggestion cos I think you've got something here and have the ability to get it spot on with a little bit more work on it.

[Katier]

I get what your saying, the lights have to be 'street lights' but they could be 'off the' roads? pavements?

[Katier]

Was talking to my friends at my open mic tonight and one of them became the first person to sing the song well first verse and chorus and play guitar to it.

He made a suggestion about a possible change.

 She Sings on a dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs about roads and fate
 Songs in a cold dark night

to

 She Sings on a dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs in a cold dark night
 Songs about roads and fate

He felt the Rhyming and ( I guess ) Rythmn felt better with the second version. What do you think?

[Paulski]

Was talking to my friends at my open mic tonight and one of them became the first person to sing the song well first verse and chorus and play guitar to it.

He made a suggestion about a possible change.

 She Sings on a dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs about roads and fate
 Songs in a cold dark night

to

 She Sings on a dark night
 Songs about love and hate
 Songs in a cold dark night
 Songs about roads and fate

He felt the Rhyming and ( I guess ) Rythmn felt better with the second version. What do you think?

That's cool that you heard this to music! If this were my lyric I would work towards having the title/hook  "Songs about love and hate" in the power position of the chorus (last line). Then it can be a repeated tag at the end of the song. Now that's an old-school approach but seems tested by time..
Paul

[GTB]

Hi katier, why not change all the 'she's to 'I's?  It would make it more personal and more likely to demand attention of your listener - it's an old trick but it works

[Katier]

Just a little update, finally had a chance to start working on the musical side of this and hoping to give it it's debut at the end of next month at the Open Mic I attend. My friend who plays guitar for me is doing the arrangement and likes it that much has asked if he can cover it when I'm not singing it. That's a pretty good compliment IMO.

We tweaked the lyrics slightly, curing the slight lyrical clumsiness at the top, and tweaking the chorus and outro.

Light shines off the dark streets
Brake lights bright at night
Rain splashing in street puddles
Lost in a dark bright world

She Sings on a dark night
Songs about love and hate
Songs in a cold dark night
Songs about roads and fate
Songs about love and hate

She's walking home at night
From another day at work
A dull commute in a dreary day
All along on the dark streets

She Sings on a dark night
Songs about love and hate
Songs in a cold dark night
Songs about roads and fate
Songs about love and hate

She sings to lift the night
A cold dark bright night
Feet splashing in street puddles
Sings to musics 'trancing beat.

Sings in a cold dark night
Songs about love and hate
Songs about roads and fate
Songs in a cold dark night
Songs about love and hate
Songs about roads and fate
Songs about love and hate
Songs about love and hate