The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Paulski on August 07, 2020, 09:20:52 PM
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This started out as a solo live music video contest (which I was tickled to see landed in second place!)
It's just me playing my piano in our spare room as my biggest fan looks on from the open doorway :D
Since then, I've created a full production complete with some free video footage I stumbled across on the web.
Lyrics were written by a fellow Canadian who goes by the moniker HappyDays.
The rest of it can be blamed on me :D
Feel free to critique anything that is worthy of critiquing. :D
Dawn in London Time
Simple days were long ago
When you and I were holding close
That’s before I had to let you go
Your fate was in another zone
Changing zip codes, different homes
And now, it's come to this: I’m alone
So Alone
And it’s dawn in London time
I wish you knew the way I’m feeling
While I'm crying in your night
You’re wide awake in my evening
It’s dawn in London time
For weeks now next to nothing comes
A text, a call, they're only crumbs
I wonder if the flight has left you numb?
I thought that I could handle it
We deserve much more than this
Will I be strong enough without your kiss?
I miss your kiss
‘cause it’s dawn in London time
I wish you knew the way I’m feeling
While I'm crying in your night
You’re wide awake in my evening
It’s dawn in London time
...
It’s dawn in London time
I wish you knew the way I’m feeling
While I'm crying in your night
You’re wide awake in my evening
It’s dawn in London time
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@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) - what a pianist...i didn’t know you were a key tickler...were you ever in London?
Nothing to add
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Nice keyboard playing!
Solid melody and nice changes in pace : like the change of key. Your friend also did a nice job on the lyrics.
Well done, Kevin
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A lovely song @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) and great to see you in action :) Some lovely piano motifs running throughout the song and I really liked your harmonies on this one as well. Reminded me of Dean Friedman in some ways. Yet another chunk of quality off the Paulski conveyor belt :)
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Lovely song @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) - great to see you playing.. I really like the lyrics - you've done them justice for sure... Harmonies were great also.. Quality stuff..
(I actually looked to see if your wife / child / other was in the doorway... :) )
Karen.
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@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
Hi Paul, great piano playing! Some really nice chord changes and the key change was just right too! I Agree with John ( @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) ) it did have a touch of Dean Friedman about it, which is a good thing 8).
Very good Paul!
Cheers
Jamie
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@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) - cheers Rich - yep the piano and I have a long sometimes rocky relationship ;D I actually have been to London many years ago on business. Did a whirl-wind tour of the (outside of the) main tourist attractions in a day :D
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) - thanks Kevin yes I agree Rocky created some solid lyrics. Re the key change - I've done this a couple of times now where the chorus is in a different key than the verse so you get a lift every transition to the chorus. Glad you think it worked here ;D
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) cheers John Sometimes you gotta let listeners see the old geezer in person :D Appreciate the comment on the harmonies. I'll check out Dean Friedman - I never heard of him (but he must be really good ;D )
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Thank Karen - glad to get a female perspective ;D Re the fan - I broke the cardinal rule about recording with noisy fans and motors that day - it was like 32 degrees in my spare room! That is my biggest fan BTW :D
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Hi Jamie and thanks for the kind remarks :D Means a lot coming from your talented self ;D
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Lovely stuff, Paul
I figure you know how highly thought of you are with everybody here...but if you don't, I'd thought I'd take this opportunity to tell you...very highly indeed.
I always love the way you push and pull the music around without seeming to be chained to a click/drum track...that's one of the first things that I feel gets lost when I'm trying to play something...I often get that feeling of constraint.
Nice lyrics too...just simple and heartfelt.
Top quality.
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Nice to see you playing piano and singing!!!
This song is a pure love ballad, a timeless style and you did it perfectly.
I like very much when doubling your voice, it gives to the general atmosphere a great sensation @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)
Beautiful love song and good description of the distance.
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Wow!
Excellent progression to the chorus and so unexpected changes - made my ear twitch a few time’s...in good way!
I love strings and for me it’s the only thing that’s missing to lift this to world domination 😂
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Hey Paul, you know how I admire your writing. Whenever I hear your performances I immediately think how accomplished your wtiting is. The only critique that would be worth anything from myself would involve discussing musical production ideas. I guess it's easier to work on a production with you than try to explain. Unfortunately, my life is so busy at the moment that this is not possible and so I return to the beginning to compliment you on your ability to write and say that you do so, very well!
Paul
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Paul,
great to see you performing it.
Has your classic feel to it, and really like the clever chordal transition to the chorus. Which is catchy as hell.
Backing vocals all add to the musical feel.
Thanks for sharing :-)
Neil
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) cheers Paul yeah there's no tick track here - it's a live take wandering all over the place :D Thanks for the kind words!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) Thank you! ;D
@Kafla (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6905) Thanks so much for that - good idea about adding strings. I have only crappy plug-ins for that but maybe someone will offer...
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) cheers Paul very kind of you to say that. Let me know when you get some extra cycles - I would love to hear what you have in mind.. ;D
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) - thanks Neil - yeah the live contest I entered this in forced me to get over my camera-shyness. The chord change back to the verse was the tricky bit - not easy to go down a key. Glad you think it worked. :D
Hope I didn't miss anyone - if I did - thanks!
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Really a great musical treatment to a pretty good lyric. Did you have to tweek the lyric any, or did you just mold and fold the melody in a wrap around the standing words?
In any event, the finished song is superb.......a real good collab!!
Oh......and love the little fan in the (a)jar ;-)
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Hi Paul,
As others have said, it's great to see you playing and singing. I concur with what others have said about your talent. There can be no doubt. I was quite surprised that you hadn't written the lyrics - they sound like the type you write. The marriage of the chord changes and the melody is beautifully done and they lent an interest to the song which a lesser musician wouldn't have achieved. What more can I say that I haven't said before - a joy to the ears.
M
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Really a great musical treatment to a pretty good lyric. Did you have to tweek the lyric any, or did you just mold and fold the melody in a wrap around the standing words?
In any event, the finished song is superb.......a real good collab!!
Oh......and love the little fan in the (a)jar ;-)
Cheers Tom @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) yes there was quite a bit of lyrical tweaking. Appreciate the kind words ;D
Hi Paul,
As others have said, it's great to see you playing and singing. I concur with what others have said about your talent. There can be no doubt. I was quite surprised that you hadn't written the lyrics - they sound like the type you write. The marriage of the chord changes and the melody is beautifully done and they lent an interest to the song which a lesser musician wouldn't have achieved. What more can I say that I haven't said before - a joy to the ears.
M
Thanks Alan @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - very kind of you to say that. Glad you enjoyed it ;D
Paul
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And the quality just keeps on coming, how does one crit perfection? there are peeps writing for West end musicals that are not up to your standard my friend. :) 8)