[v8burble]

Hi guys,
After a few months back I'm looking at revisiting some music creations.
Any thoughts on this one as I'd like to revisit it and polish it into something better.

https://soundcloud.com/v8burble/cheating-in-my-dreams

Cheating in my Dreams – Composed by Phil Stewart 2015

It’s a lazy Sunday morning
I’m laying back in bed
I’ve got a funny feeling
That’s flowing through my head

There’s flutters in my stomach
Something I can’t place
A vision in my mind
of an unfamiliar face

[Chorus]
And I’m cheating, cheating
Oh I’m cheating in my dreams
Every time I close my eyes
My life isn’t what is seems
And I’m cheating, cheating
Oh I’m cheating in my dreams
Every time I drop my head
My life isn’t what it seems

[and now sleep]

I wake up in a cold sweat
And a feeling I should now regret
I know that there is something wrong
But nothing else is going on

I’m guilty, I’m dirty
I know the girl will hurt me
Though I really can’t control my mind
I’m looking for a cure I’ll find

And I’m cheating, cheating
Oh I’m cheating in my dreams
Every time I close my eyes
My life isn’t what is seems
And I’m cheating, cheating
Oh I’m cheating in my dreams
Every time I close my eyes
My life isn’t what it seems

And I’m cheating, cheating
Oh I’m cheating in my dreams
Every time I close my eyes
My life isn’t what is seems
And I’m cheating, cheating
Oh I’m cheating in my dreams
Every time I close my eyes
this girl is inside my dreams

[the last line actually sings "my girl is inside my dreams" but I'm planning on changing this]

[ShinyThang]

This is a good song and a great concept. The lyric is good although I would try restructuring the third verse a little and the fourth a little more! Sorry, but I don't think they are up to the same standard as the others. It's quite short so it's perfect for my bog standard suggestion ... stick a middle eight in there! (I know; I'm a cracked record) but they can really lift a song (if only I could write 'em!).

Technically I wonder if the drum intro is too long? and I'd take a look at the timing on the second part of the plucked intro riff as there seems to be something not quite right in there, a hesitant little 'F' running a tad late? Love that fat bass coming in with the lyric. That sounds great. I don't really understand why the vocals on the last repeat of the chorus are so low? it kind-a kills the build of the song for me. Oh and, on my speakers at least, the backing vox swamp the lead vox on the last line of the fourth verse.

[JOdejo]

Really I freaking like this song! I heard the intro and I was like yeah! It's cool!

[Erin_Tempel]

I like this song.
I don't be some kind of pro or something, so I have the 'only' the point of view from a listener.
It is a song which stuck in my head, the melody is in my ear and I can relate to the lyrics.

Work on the song, it is worth it.

Greets Erin

[v8burble]

Thanks for all the feedback.
The song actually arose because I woke up (after a slightly naughty dream and woke my wife to tell her I'd written a song in my sleep!)

ShinyThang - I actually wrote the 3rd verse before the others and really like it. I can get how the 4th verse is forced and maybe needs a rewrite.
Middle 8 comment is spot on - it's a very early work, just a few hours, so needs to expand.
Vocals at end (and in middle) were intended to be symbolic of drifting off back into the "cheating world".

JOdejo, Erin,
Love that you like the song. I've only every written 8 songs and I much prefer all the others but a friend of mine loves the '80s' song, which is this one so thought I'd try to get feedback.

Thanks all