The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jamie on March 19, 2020, 01:21:13 PM
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Hi All, a new song- Dreamlike
I'd like to thank Rich @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) for sprinkling some fairy dust on my recording. He has remastered it and added some guitar later on in the song, thanks Rich. He has also offered to take the stems and do a full job of restructuring,remixing and mastering the whole thing. Should be interesting!
Anyway for your delectation, please offer your usual good natured and constructive criticism!
Cheers
Jamie
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/dreamlike
Dreamlike
TV screens spray out words and light
Flicking the pages in the middle of the night
Messing your minds creates a rage
All repackaged for the brand new age
And just because you know you can doesn't mean you will
And just because you think you can't doesn't mean you wont
The buzz in your head keeps you alive
Throbbing temples helps you to survive
Shadowy thoughts trouble your mind
Carry on twitching it wont help you unwind
And just beacause you believe in it doesn't mean it's real
And just beacuase you dont believe doesn't mean it isn't there
It all feels so dreamlike maybe I'm not here
Paper bag in the wind blowing who knows where
Heads screwed up stomachs tight
Sweaty palms can't sleep at night
I'll do what i have to I'll do my part
I just can't remember where do I start
And just because you know you can doesn't mean you will
And just because you believe in it doesn't mean its real
It all feels so dreamlike.......
Copyright Jamie Allan
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Jamie,
Your output is certainly getting more sophisticated and confident.
Elegant intro and verse and then you burst into the proggy ascending chords, great really lifts it up a notch. And the backing afterwards supports the moment as synths and guitars kick in. :-)
And then you repeat those chords over your ending just like you should.
Lots to like in its epic-ness
:-)
N
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Hi Jamie,
Your productions are always so lavish. Don't know where you find the inspiration, or more technically, manage to get it all to fit so well in the mix.
It's Heston Blumenthal compared to MacDonalds (my stuff - lol).
Really gels well.
Love how it goes slightly goth around 3.20 - sort of Tower of Strength by the Mission.
Epic indeed.
The vocal when it twins with the music towards the end sounds really good.
Great job.
Digger
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Really interesting stuff here - a bit of a fusion with the modern beats and sweeping prog rock touches.
Love the contradictions in the lyrics - just because ... doesn't mean ... Also the pain keeping one alive - really draws us in.
I think the vocal processing works really well in the busier sections later on - at the beginning I think I found it a bit too much (but I do also get the dreamlike and surreal idea).
Nice addition of the CPM guitar - and lots of detail all over, very accomplished.
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Brilliant stuff, Jamie.
Lyrics are fab and it sounds amazing when the drums and guitar kick in. Caught me by surprise in contrast to the sweeter, more gentle stuff we hear from you.
Lovely vocals and the production is fantastic.
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A very lush soundscape! Lots of nice details and great vox. To me the hihat pattern in the first half is too busy, it sorts of kill off some of the 'mood' in the track, I'd go with something less busy at least in the quieter parts. Bass does not quite 'glue' with the rest, something with the attack/decay that make it stand out to much, no big deal though, matter of taste i guess. All in all a great piece, well done!
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Epic! 8) you use chord progs that instill fear into the listener..well me anyways, got no crits mate....keep on keepin on 8) :)
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Hi
I really liked the modern prog arrangement you've chosen and your vocal performance is first class. I also liked the build up and trippy outro: great guitar and mastering CPM. However I think this would be a better song if you were to remove the 'And just because' sections which IMO drag the song down and replace them with the 'Dreamlike' section which is much stronger melodically and would make a better chorus.If you are really fond of the 'And just because'section and can't bear to lose it just us it once as the middle eight.Only my opinion of course and at the end of the day its your song.
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Hi all, thanks for listening! ;D
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856)
Hi Neil, I feel myself that I've been finding more coherent and interesting songs and arrangements recently so thanks for the nod to that! Liking the 'epic-ness' comment 8). I actually started the chorus by finding the bass line and originally the first chord was Em and whilst I liked the bass line it wasn't really working and as I was scat singing to it when writing it, I hit the G sharp instead of the G and hey presto the whole song was lifted by that one semi tone, amazing. :P
@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823)
Hi, what do you mean MacDonalds? I always know your stuff will be good, you were one of the first guys on this site I looked for many years ago when I first found this forum! Michelin Star more like.,but thanks for your great comments I take them as a great compliment from someone with your talent. Don't know tower of strength I'll look it up! ;D
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124)
Hi Adam, thanks for your great comments, lyrics are not my strength so I'm delighted to get a positive comment from you as I know you look for the lyrics in a song. I like the prog rock comments from all of you, I love that music. 8)
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi guys, thanks for listening!
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Hi Paul,
There is a metal beast hiding in me somewhere, one day I'll frighten you all! ;).Thanks for your kind comments, it's always appreciated!
@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Hi,
Thanks love your comments. I know what you mean about the hi hat, but I wanted the contrast between the trippy soundscape and the frenetic electric percussion to be at odds to create a feeling of something about to happen.I also felt the bass line wasn't quite right and I had two goes at recording it and though the second effort was better it still wasn't quite there.I felt it had to be quite pedestrian to underpin the busy arrangement. I know Rich @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) commented on this too when he re mastered it for me.He did try to bring the bass sound up in the mix.As you say it's all a matter of taste!
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024)
Hi Kevin, It's my mission to find scary chords to make you look behind you when you're alone ;D. Thanks for the great comments!
@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532)
Hi, it's interesting isn't it how people see your songs.your comments reminded me that I have thought before that my writing process may now be a bit flawed. When I first started I would write and record a song very quickly and move onto the next one, and that was fine because I was 'finding my way' through learning the basic skills. To some degree I still work that way, but I recall that many bands have said that their best songs were ones that they had written and then took on the road. That way they found out what worked best, and I think your comments allude to that.If only I could afford to put a top notch band together and tour my songs! ::) :P When I wrote this the 'just because' part was an integral part of the verse for me so that's why I repeated it, but I understand your thoughts on making it a middle eight and yes, that would work too. Interesting! Thanks for the comments about the arrangement!
Cheers
Jamie
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There's so much that could be said here... really interesting. You are a master at creating 'atmospheres'... your tracks like this make me think a bit of Talk Talk / Mark Hollis - I think it is the truly inventive chord progressions you develop, and also the slightly detached (in a good way...) vocal delivery. The skittering beats - I can see why they might divide opinion, but they worked well for me. The 'big ending' too is great, wasn't expecting it but it adds a lot to the track... adds a lot of weight but you resist any temptation of cheese and it stays slightly left-field. Most of all though I marvel at your chord progressions - they are always unpredictable and fresh but always 'you' - bit of a trademark touch you've got going on there.
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fine piece of work jamie and conspirator in cpm ..
blue nile meets early genesis and i mean that in a good way !
hooky changes and arrangmnt..
vocals & lyrics tender and then open up all guns blazing..
would have prefferred an ending tho, think either the fades too short or devising an ending would be a bonus ..
but great stuff
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The Lyrics are really good, Love the chord changes & vocal delivery !
sound is great and love the guitar coming in :) nice one guys !
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Hi all, thanks for listening!
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034)
Hi,
Love Talk Talk, pity he died at such a young age. If I have a thing, I think it is chord progressions, my process usually starts with a frame of a chord progression that interests me enough to try to write around it! yes the E beats are marmite I think, but I like them :P. I like the detached vocal comment, I'm a huge fan of Them Yorke and I always think he sounds as if he just walked into the session and starts singing in a slightly detached way, or is it just me that thinks that? Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the great comments!
@nooms (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=11264)
Hi, love the Blue Nile( I have actually played with Paul Buchanan of the Blue Nile, we lived in the same town)and early Genesis!In my original recording I didn't fade it out as I am not a fan of them. I don't think I've ever faded a song out before? However, Rich @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) went with that and I'm ok with that too! Great comments thanks!
@Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448)
Hi, glad you liked the lyrics one of my better efforts I think! See my comments above about chord progressions! Yes Rich @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) did a great job in adding that searing guitar solo!
Thanks again for listening glad you got something from it!
cheers
Jamie
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Hey there Jamie....Powerful atmosphere, here. I like the line, "And just because you know you can doesn't mean you will
And just because you believe in it doesn't mean its real".....love that.
Some good stuff, here........good job.
-Tom
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Hello, I'm listening while writing, great job, I like this song !, modern sound, and progressive, the moment at 2mn is really great and at 3'30...Bravo
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Hi guys thanks for listening....
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409)
Hi Tom, thanks for your kind words on the lyric, glad you got something from it. I was trying to great an atmospheric feel to the track, so thanks for that!
@Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580)
Hi,pleased with the modern/progressive comments, thats cool 8).I was looking for a big lift at the points you mentioned, seems like I got there maybe ;).
Cheers guys thanks for listening its always appreciated!
Jamie
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Hi @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) This is a top quality piece. fantastic chord progressions as always. It sounds totally pro and your vocals are amazing :)
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Thanks John great comments, its always great to get positive feedback from musicians who 'get it'.
Thanks again!
Jamie
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Great lyrics @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - a super-interesting piece overall - so many lush parts and progressions. Completely grabs interest from the get go and holds all the way through. You really achieve that dreamlike mood you promise. Gave me a bit of Floyd feeling in parts. Very accomplished - fulfils its ambition fully. Very impressive stuff both of you!
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Really enjoyed this, took me straight back to the 80’s/90’s, Ultravox covering a Lightening Seeds song is what I could hear but then I do have a very strange ear. Loved it.
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Hi, thanks for listening!
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi Karen, great review thanks. Yes I seem to have a problem writing short songs, so I’m glad it had enough going on to ‘carry’ your interest! Pleased to get the lyric mentioned, I’m pleased with it.
@Sullish (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=10068)
Hi , thanks for the great comments. Love midge Ure and ultravox! Glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks again guys!
Cheers
Jamie
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I really liked this - it is a really interesting piece
I think you have done a great job blending together a mix of "feels" with almost trippy jungle hihats with a more balad style vocal, which I think works well
I love the change of gear to the rocky feel
There were a dew sections that I felt got a little "busy", which I found a bit distracting as a listener but I could hear what you were going for
I think a re-mix would really make this sound epic - eg the drums were little "washed out". If these were a little more "punchy" it would give the track a more solid foundation to bring all of the different elements together
Overall though, I love the song
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@Boydie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18510)
Hi, thanks for listening. I am really pleased with the song and I’m glad you recognise the songwriting effort. I know my production skills are not useless, but nor expert either. Very kindly Rich @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) has volunteered to re-mix and master it, so hopefully we can polish the song further. I’m happy with all the elements of the arrangement, if we can optimise it further I’ll be delighted!
Thanks again for listening
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi Jamie,
Lovely chord changes, so many great musical ideas and so atmospheric. Never a dull moment as this song keeps the listener interested throughout. Epic stuff indeed.
M
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@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Cheers Alan, glad you enjoyed it,I think its probably the best thing I've done so far..... ::). Pleased you got the atmospherics, I was a bit concerned it was too sonically 'busy'.
Cheers and thanks for listening!
Jamie