[Niels]

Hi everyone,

It has been a while since I posted something on this forum but I've lately been busy with studying because why else would you get a 2 week easterbreak from the university .
Meanwhile I've also been busy with digging up some old songs that I've made in the past.
"The Sweetest Touch" is one of those songs. To be honest, was this the first song that I wrote.
In the upcoming day's I will upload a work in progress file, so that you can hear the melody, ( I only need to record my voice ) but for now have you here the lyrics.

The song is acutely about suicide. I know that this is a heavy theme to write a song about but I've done it or at least I tried it. It's not a tale about why someone committed suicide but more about the family that's left behind. About the questions that will never be answered and ofcourse  it's about the sorrow that overtakes the whole family and eneryone this person knew.
Sweetest Touch

On a cold winternight
You left us alone
Why couldn't you wait
just one day

In the middle of the night
I keep thinking about you
Of how we playes in the trees
I remember

Sweetest touch
Why have you left us?
Sweetest embrace
What's left for me to feel?

Why did you drink the poison?
Was you're life in vain?
Why didn't you say anything?
We could have saved you

Sweetest touch
Why have you left us?
Sweetest embrace
What's left for me to feel?

Niels

[Peppermint]

Not a bad write Neils,
It's a little short but it's got potential 

Peppermint

[Gallowglass]

Ah, not much for me to say here 

A solid foundation, actually very expressive for such few words. Could do with a little more flesh on the bones, depending on your artistic style, but it's nicely done. It's all it needs to be, it feels like it wants more.

[hardtwistmusic]

WOW... it's my day to read lyrics that mirror themes I've recently worked on myself.  If you're interested, send me a p.m. with an e-mail address that will accept attachments (mp3) and I'll send you a song I've done with a very similar theme. 

Only if you're interested.  Let me know.

[BooBoo]

Pretty good so far. I think it could do with some more length wise because it seems pretty short. Other than that I'm liking what you've got

[Gwyneth Rose]

Hi N

Beautiful sad write about someone that we all know, that found release through suicide.
Never thinking about the shattered lives left behind....

I have a sugg for this verse, keep or sweep

Why did you drink the poison?
Never saw your pain.
Why didn't you say anything?
We could have saved you

[Niels]

Thank you everyone for your kind words.
Sorry that I didn't respond earlier but this week
and the next are pretty exciting for me. (Tonight
it's the opening night of our version of "A Midsummer Night's Drean,
and we play in a very beautiful museum .
Last weekend I finally could make a backtrack to this song
of which I'm a bit proud so as soon as I got the time record my
voice on it I will post it .

@Gwyneth, I love your line. It sounds so much better .

[Bernd]

Now rhymes?! A pity ;-) Yet well written :-) Short and to the point. "Sweetest touch" is sooo beautiful.

Should this line - "I keep thinking about you" - prove too long to match the same tune as in the other verses it can always be shortened to "I'm thinking 'bout you".

Cheers,
Bernd

[GTB]

Hi Niels,  it's nicely put together but I feel there's a little more to be said to increase the focus on 'those left behind' and how they feel, perhaps by adding a bridge. Something along the lines of there being a space/empty seat now at our table.. echo of your long lost laughter in our ears.. etc. like a summary of what your song is saying.  Another 3 or 4 lines is all it needs.
GTB