[Jamie]

Hi Verlon, sorry I have listened to this before and I thought I had commented already, must have got distracted. As you probably know country ain't my thing,but..... I really like the lyrics for this and it's sung well (sounds like it's you?). I don't mind the backing track, except that I'd like to hear it played by a Nashville type band with real instruments. I think it would work because the melody is good and the song shifts around enough. I think it would be worth getting some guitars inc pedal steel plus bass and drums to see how it worked.
Nice one Verlon!
Cheers
Jamie

[DoubleD]

Hi hardtwist,

I'd have to agree with a lot of what has been said here already, the lyrics and the music are mismatched to my ears.  I believe this would be suited better to a kind of cowboy chords acoustic guitar sound, which would suit the lyrics much better.  The lyrics are class though, got a good kick out of them.
Take it easy

[lillypilly]

Talking Heads  David Byrne came straight to my mind when I first heard this

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi hardtwist,

I'd have to agree with a lot of what has been said here already, the lyrics and the music are mismatched to my ears.  I believe this would be suited better to a kind of cowboy chords acoustic guitar sound, which would suit the lyrics much better.  The lyrics are class though, got a good kick out of them.
Take it easy

Mihkay has done a rough version of this that puts a lot more "country" and "cowboy" into the song.  I'll see if he'll post it (or let me post it.)   I like both versions.... but then I'm bound to like the one I heard/did first.   Mihkay's is almost certainly more musically accomplished. 

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi HTM - let's be brief here.  You say that you had no input or control over the music!  WTF?  As a songwriter then you must have control over the whole production - end of! These are your lyrics and you must treasure them!  I would hate someone to write inappropriate music to my lyrics and I do get my ass kicked for writing inappropriate melodies to other peoples lyrics !

This song needs serious melody and insturmentation to really lift the lyrics.   I listen to this and think of Frogger - remember the 1980's Atari game........ Yes, it's that dated  

I might try and write a melody myself....... haha....

PS - the one part of the song I loved was the key change at Yippee Yi Yah...... excellent  

John.

I agree with your point about treasuring the lyrics.  I thought (and still can't "hear" otherwise) that the music that my collaborator wrote to these lyrics was a good match.  My ear isn't great.  Since more people DO "hear it your way" I have to accept that I'm wrong about it... but if I hadn't liked it a lot, I'd have never posted it. 

The funny (and slightly sad) part of that "key change at Yippee Yi Yah......" is that I didn't know there WAS one.   My musical education leaves a lot to be desired.  I just do the best I can with what I have.... and keep trying to get better. 

Thank you for your interest and advice.   I promise to try to make good use of it.

[tokenangmoh]

Hi Verlon,

Great to hear from you again! I'm with the consensus on the mismatched music and lyrics.

You may not have known there's a key change, but you do have a great sense of melody, and I think with the right backing and twang in the vocal, this song would live up to its lyrics.

I suspect I'm like you in that it took me a long time to "hear" chords - and even though I've got a lot better, I'm still not the guy who can listen to something, stroke his chin and say "Ah, a C13♭9♯11 - how fascinating..." (There are several of these on the forum, and they will surely die alone. )

One thing that helped me learn was singing harmonies to songs instead of melodies. It made me aware of the possibilities, if that makes sense...

Matt

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon,

Great to hear from you again! I'm with the consensus on the mismatched music and lyrics.

You may not have known there's a key change, but you do have a great sense of melody, and I think with the right backing and twang in the vocal, this song would live up to its lyrics.

I suspect I'm like you in that it took me a long time to "hear" chords - and even though I've got a lot better, I'm still not the guy who can listen to something, stroke his chin and say "Ah, a C13♭9♯11 - how fascinating..." (There are several of these on the forum, and they will surely die alone. )

One thing that helped me learn was singing harmonies to songs instead of melodies. It made me aware of the possibilities, if that makes sense...

Matt

Hi Matt:  I'm going to try to be here a lot more.  It's been a hectic summer and it's all cooling down now. 

I FULLY identify with your thoughts about singing harmony.  I'm trying to learn how that's done and putting together a "tool box" to help me do so.   

I LOVE harmonies, and want badly to learn to sing them. 

[diademgrove]

Hi Verlon,

glad you're back. I still like the song as it is, it still appeals to me.

Keith