Your grammar and word usage looks pretty good to me overall. I'm usually pretty picky, though, and I do recommend considering a few changes:
"A lot of memories pop into my head." Makes more sense than "pop in"
"But when I open my eyes again, I find out realize I don't feel that familiar pain" Feels smoother, less awkward
"It’s so easy to blame this my resistance to change Gets rid of repetitive word "this"
On this guilt trip that I put myself on. Tightens up unnecessarily wordy phrase
The above could also go:
"It's so easy to blame this resistance to change
On the guilt trip I put myself on."
In both cases, though, we still have one line that begins and ends with the word "on". I'm not sure how to fix that, thoughl
"How So many times have I have asked myself:" Feels stronger to me, less passive
"I take the deepest breath as I close my eyes," This is an unusual way to say something: "the deepest breath". I would normally expect that to be followed by something like "as I can" or "I've ever taken" or something like that. I recommend something more like "I take a deep breath" or maybe "I take (or my) the deepest breath ever as I..."
"So I smile to myself, shake my head, turn around and walk away." Tightens up unnecessarily wordy phrase
Keep in mind, these recommendations are based on my opinions and understanding of the English language. Use or lose as suits you. Hope something is helpful to you.
Vicki