The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: calafinestrat on April 15, 2024, 05:05:26 PM
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Soundcloud Link:
https://tinyurl.com/2mm5akn3 (https://tinyurl.com/2mm5akn3)
Just written this song, not my usual style, it's turned out a bit like an early green day song but that wasn't the original intention. Best through an amp or headphones. Hope you like it.
Lyrics:
Please let me know what you're trying to do
Are you trying to make me jealous of you
D'ya get a kick out of flirting with the guys
Staring at them with those come and get me eyes
Sorry honey I just need a girl that's true
And I've realised that girl was never you
So while you've been out looking for attention
Here's a little thing that I forgot to mention
I've had enough of you
I've found somebody new
She'll give me all her love
She's all I'm thinking of
She'll never mess around
She'll never let me down
Please stay away from me
Don't need your company
I thought that you were sweet
But you were just a cheat
I'm showing you the door
Don't love you any more
You never loved me you took me for a fool
Always telling me that I was really cool
Did'ya think that I fell for all your lies
I stopped believing but you didn't realise
I only want a girl who doesn't mess around
Doesn't play away with every guy in town
Before you tell me that it wasn't your intention
Here's a little thing that I forgot to mention
I've had enough of you
I've found somebody new
She'll give me all her love
She's all I'm thinking of
She'll never mess around
She'll never let me down
Please stay away from me
Don't need your company
I thought that you were sweet
But you were just a cheat
I'm showing you the door
Don't love you any more
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Haven't heard Green Day in awhile
Sounds good man , real rocking vibe , damn tight !!
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@Elvis Nash (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22812)
Thanks Elvis, much appreciated
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@calafinestrat (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23038) Nice rocking vibe and a great hook with the title line. Really interesting vocal treatment, what effects are you using? This would certainly get everyone dancing , nice one Kevin
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@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) Thanks for the nice comments Kevin. I used garageband vocal setting dreamy and four separate vocal tracks at slightly different volumes.
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@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) Thanks for the nice comments Kevin. I used garageband vocal setting dreamy and four separate vocal tracks at slightly different volumes.
Cool, thanks for sharing ....must play around with that :)
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Hola rocking man!!! Really a r rock song, like the atmosphere given by the reverb, vocals have like this a special presence, feeling... and rhythm is estupendo!!!! frenético!!! Muy buenacanción!!!
hey hey hey
@calafinestrat (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23038)
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@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Muchas Gracias Señorita!!
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@calafinestrat (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23038) Great contrast between the somewhat dreamy reverb vocals and the dry guitars, especially in the quiet parts.
Could have easily fooled me by saying it was a song from the 70s punk era.
Cheers, Dorian
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@Dorian (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22899)
Thanks Dorian, I've been playing around with various styles recently. Gone from Calypso and AC/DC to early green day and now working on ZZ top influenced driving song!! Got to get a life.
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Rocking tune! A few suggestions, much down to personal taste, keep or sweep :-)
- The vocals needs to come up a bit in the mix during the verses and I think the reverb/processing of it is a bit too much
- The drums really needs to come forth to properly rock this thing! Perhaps consider panning the rhythm guitars left and right, that would leave some space in the middle for the drums (but they would still need to come up in the mix)
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Quite the rocker.
I like those dynamic guitars starting with muting then ringing out.
There's like a threat in the voice.
It somehow sounds angry and young.
The photo is a bit off-putting, healthy balanced kids in denim.
The song is a fine thing, o hope not autobiographical.
Cheers!
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Hi @calafinestrat (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23038)
The song has a real drive and is well crafted. I agree with @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) that the mix is quite muddy and that clearing it up a bit with panning/eq and playing with the levels could take the song to the proverbial 'next level'. Even as it is, it's a high energy fun-ride. :)
All the best,
CCB
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Yes you're probably right about the mixing, I should really spend longer trying to get it right. I might have another go at mixing it using your ideas. Thanks for the advice, much appreciated.
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@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Glad you enjoyed it. Yes it has got an angry vibe tried to get that in the lyrics. Luckily not autobiographical. The photo was AI generated.
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@CorkingCrackBand (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22974)
Thanks for the kind comments. I've decided to take on board the mixing suggestions and I'm going to have another go using some of the ideas provided. Watch this space as they say.
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Hi @calafinestrat (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23038)
Musically this is very basic and is based on one central riff, but that's ok because you use different lead melodies in the different sections. It works well.
As others have said, the mix is not right and the vocal sound doesn't work so well. My advice would be to listen to a commercially released reference track. This song doesn't sound like Green Day to my ears, but it could if you had a good listen to one of their tracks and tried to get similar guitar bass and drum sounds. There are some good Youtube video's which explain how Green Day get their guitar sounds and they're certainly worth a watch.
Best of luck to you.
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@Nick Ryder (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23004)
Thanks Nick. I don't really want to try to emulate Green Day I just remembered hearing a track on a Green Day album called Dookie many years ago. It started with a very basic acoustic guitar then suddenly exploded into a barrage of sound. When I finished forgot to mention, it reminded me ofat song. Thanks for the feedback.
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@calafinestrat (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23038) You've got some nice clean guitar tones but to my ears the vocal is far too back and soaked with too much reverb. I reckon if you dialed that back and bought the vocals to the front of the mix this would be a hell of a lot better. I also want to hear that bass pumping a bit too. I thought the song was good and had plenty of energy though so good work :)
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Hi@pompeyjazz
Thanks for the feedback. Your comments about the mixing are more or less the same as others have noted ie vocals need bringing up and too much reverb. I've already started a remix and am taking a bit more time to get it right.
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@calafinestrat (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23038) – Great rockin’ tune – love those heavy guitars. It’s a good song – you’ve got some good feedback on the mix from better mixers than me. As one who loves her reverb, I know it’s easy to go there but that vocal would better serve the song with less. It’s a good vocal – expose it!
Great listen..
K
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Glad you enjoyed it, I've remixed it. Going to go through it again tomorrow to see if I think it's any better. I'll have a read up on mixing soon and see how it should be done.